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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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    One Track Minds And Earwax Don’t Mix

    , | Beverly, MA |

    Me: “What size?”

    Lady: “Electric Lime.”

    Me: “What size?”

    Lady: “Electric Lime.”

    Me: “That’s a color miss. What size did you want the harness in?”

    Lady: “What do you mean, ‘What size?’”

    Me: “How many inches is it?”

    Lady: “Oh I didn’t even think about the size.”

    *grimace*

    Of Course, If You Really Want To Pay …

    | Bay Area, CA |

    Hotel Guest: “So how does parking work at the hotel?”

    Me: “Oh sir, parking is complimentary anywhere on site.”

    Hotel Guest: “How much does it cost?”

    Me: “It’s complimentary … It’s free …”

    Must … Have … Chocolate … GraAAaawr!

    , | California |

    (It must be noted the ice cream shop I worked at was in a mall, so it was pretty tiny and limited.)

    Customer: “I’d like a chocolate ice cream cone please.”

    Me: “Sorry, we only have vanilla.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. I’d like a chocolate ice cream then.”

    Me: *stares* “We only have VANILLA. I can drip it in chocolate for you though.”

    Customer: “Ugh, gross! No thanks, I’ll go try McDonald’s.”

    A Pseudo-Existential Moment

    | Unknown Location |

    Technician: “Good morning, *** Technical Support.”

    Caller: “Is this technical support?”

    Technician: “Yes.”

    Caller: “Can I have your phone number please?”

    Technician: (Confused) “What number did you phone in on?”

    Caller: “Can I have your phone number please?”

    Technician: (Thoroughly confused) “It’s this number, it’s the number you’ve just dialed.”

    Caller: “Thank you. Goodbye.”

    Source

    Ba Dum Dum *Chhh*

    | Sacramento, CA |

    (Customer standing on top of an old, oak library ladder)

    Bookstore Customer: “If I was your attorney, I would make you get rid of this ladder.”

    Me: “If you were my attorney, I’d push you off it!”

    Source

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