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    There Once Was a Man From Nantucket …

    | Nantucket Island, MA | Uncategorized

    (I worked at this local market as a kid during the summers on Nantucket. Here are some questions the tourists asked.)

    Random Customer #1: “Where is the beach?” (We’re on an island???)

    Random Customer #2: “Where’s main street?” (The store was on main street.)

    Random Customer #3: “When did Nantucket become a part of the United States?” (The same time as the rest of Massachusetts. It’s not the 51st state, people.)

    Random Customer #4: “What is that one – O-RAY-oh?” (We serve ice cream; Oreo is one of our flavors).

    Surprisingly, This One Knows How To Read

    | USA | Uncategorized

    Library Patron: “Do you guys have books?”

    Me: (I turn and give a side glance to the shelves of books on my right) “Nope. It’s all online.”


    Gone, As In Mentally

    | Virginia, USA | Uncategorized

    Lady: “Yeah I just got back so I missed the big rain storm.”

    Me: “Well it wasn’t too bad, where did you go? Out of town?”

    Lady: “What?”

    Me: “You got back from somewhere, where did you go?”

    Lady: “I haven’t been anywhere.”

    Me: “So you were here for the rainstorm?”

    Lady: “No, I was gone.”

    One Track Minds And Earwax Don’t Mix

    , | Beverly, MA | Uncategorized

    Me: “What size?”

    Lady: “Electric Lime.”

    Me: “What size?”

    Lady: “Electric Lime.”

    Me: “That’s a color miss. What size did you want the harness in?”

    Lady: “What do you mean, ‘What size?'”

    Me: “How many inches is it?”

    Lady: “Oh I didn’t even think about the size.”


    Of Course, If You Really Want To Pay …

    | Bay Area, CA | Uncategorized

    Hotel Guest: “So how does parking work at the hotel?”

    Me: “Oh sir, parking is complimentary anywhere on site.”

    Hotel Guest: “How much does it cost?”

    Me: “It’s complimentary … It’s free …”

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