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    Paging Homeland Security To The Wine Cellar

    | Oregon |

    Me: “May I get something for you ladies to drink?”

    Lady 1: “Um, yes. (to Lady 2) What are you having, dear?”

    Lady 2: “I’ll have the white zinfandel.”

    Lady 1: “Oh yes, I’ll have the infidel, too. Last night I had the marlo!”

    Oh, You Mean THOSE Kinds Of Maps

    | Philadelphia, PA |

    Bookstore Customer: “Do you sell maps? You know, things with pictures of roads on them?”

    Source

    There Once Was a Man From Nantucket …

    | Nantucket Island, MA |

    (I worked at this local market as a kid during the summers on Nantucket. Here are some questions the tourists asked.)

    Random Customer #1: “Where is the beach?” (We’re on an island???)

    Random Customer #2: “Where’s main street?” (The store was on main street.)

    Random Customer #3: “When did Nantucket become a part of the United States?” (The same time as the rest of Massachusetts. It’s not the 51st state, people.)

    Random Customer #4: “What is that one – O-RAY-oh?” (We serve ice cream; Oreo is one of our flavors).

    Surprisingly, This One Knows How To Read

    | USA |

    Library Patron: “Do you guys have books?”

    Me: (I turn and give a side glance to the shelves of books on my right) “Nope. It’s all online.”

    Source

    Gone, As In Mentally

    | Virginia, USA |

    Lady: “Yeah I just got back so I missed the big rain storm.”

    Me: “Well it wasn’t too bad, where did you go? Out of town?”

    Lady: “What?”

    Me: “You got back from somewhere, where did you go?”

    Lady: “I haven’t been anywhere.”

    Me: “So you were here for the rainstorm?”

    Lady: “No, I was gone.”

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