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  • Bigotry Is Not On The Menu
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  • Category: Uncategorized

    Someone Needs A Trip To The Warhol Museum

    | Texas | Uncategorized

    (Note: this customer is yelling at me over something stupid in the first place)

    Customer: *pause* “Who is that on your shirt?”

    Me: *slightly taken aback by the change in subject* “… Ernesto “Che” Guevara.”

    Customer: “Who is that?”

    Me: “A Cuban revolutionary.”

    Customer: “My husband is Cuban … would he know about that guy?”

    Me: “Yeah.”

    (Lady calls her husband and talks to him for a second)

    Customer: “My husband says he is a communist … are you a communist?!”

    Me: “Only on paper, ma’am.”

    Customer: *blink blink* “I don’t get it!”

    Me: “I didn’t think you would.”

    Because Everything’s Bigger In Texas

    , | Los Angeles, CA | Uncategorized

    (Note: the shop is really, really small, and is inside the same building as a supermarket.)

    *lady walks into store with shopping cart*

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, could you leave your cart outside? It’s blocking other people from getting inside the store.”

    Lady: *moves her cart filled with unpaid merchandise outside the store*

    Me: “I’m sorry, you can’t take unpaid merchandise outside the store either.”

    Lady: “I’m sorry. I’m from Texas!”

    My Neighbor Broke, Can You Fix It

    | Boulder, CO | Uncategorized

    Tech Support: “So you’re having issues picking up your wireless signal … how many connections are there?”

    Customer: “There’s two other networks but only one bar on each … those are my bad neighbors.”

    Tech Support: “So the good signal isn’t there? Hmm, your modem might be off; can we check that?”

    Customer: “Modem?”

    (Tech support troubleshot that for a while before realizing the guy had never paid for internet before and didn’t own a modem.)

    Tech Support: “Sir, when you said the other connections were your ‘bad neighbors…’ Did you mean that the good neighbor with the good signal isn’t there?”

    Customer: “Oh, he moved?”

    Sorry, Scotty & Spock Haven’t Been Born Yet

    | Boulder, CO | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hello, is this Tech support?”

    Me: “Absolutely, is there an issue I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Yeah I want you to take over my computer and tell me what’s wrong with it. It’s all crazy.”

    Me: (Thinking about how “all crazy” actually constitutes as a good description of a problem in most cases) “Okay ma’am well I assume you’ve had us remote control your machine again, so go ahead and open the program for me and I’ll try to connect. What’s the IP address?”

    Customer: “No, you can’t have my IP.”

    Me: “Well it’s impossible to help you without it. Don’t worry, I’m not going to do something to your machine.”

    Customer: “No, you don’t understand. My ISP or whatever stopped giving me internet so I need you to do it some other way.”

    Me: “Ma’am, without internet I can’t just .. beam into your computer.”

    Customer: “Man, those guys control EVERYTHING!!”


    The State Eats Cuddly Puppies & Kittens, Too

    | Mississippi, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Good Afternoon, Mississippi Department of xxxxxx. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I would like y’all to get me some food stamps. My kids are hungry and I got fired last week.”

    Me: “Ma’am, we don’t issue food stamps. You need to contact the Department of Human Services.”

    Caller: “What?! My cousin told me to call y’all and y’all would get us fed. I know the State has lots of monies, can’t you just send us some?”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, you need to call DHS and they will be able to assist you.”

    Caller: “F*** You! The G**-D***** State never does a damn thing for us poor folks! I hope you feel the fires of hell for starving children!” *click*

    Me: *stunned silence*

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