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    Sorry, Scotty & Spock Haven’t Been Born Yet

    | Boulder, CO |

    Customer: “Hello, is this Tech support?”

    Me: “Absolutely, is there an issue I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Yeah I want you to take over my computer and tell me what’s wrong with it. It’s all crazy.”

    Me: (Thinking about how “all crazy” actually constitutes as a good description of a problem in most cases) “Okay ma’am well I assume you’ve had us remote control your machine again, so go ahead and open the program for me and I’ll try to connect. What’s the IP address?”

    Customer: “No, you can’t have my IP.”

    Me: “Well it’s impossible to help you without it. Don’t worry, I’m not going to do something to your machine.”

    Customer: “No, you don’t understand. My ISP or whatever stopped giving me internet so I need you to do it some other way.”

    Me: “Ma’am, without internet I can’t just .. beam into your computer.”

    Customer: “Man, those guys control EVERYTHING!!”

    *click*

    The State Eats Cuddly Puppies & Kittens, Too

    | Mississippi, USA |

    Me: “Good Afternoon, Mississippi Department of xxxxxx. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I would like y’all to get me some food stamps. My kids are hungry and I got fired last week.”

    Me: “Ma’am, we don’t issue food stamps. You need to contact the Department of Human Services.”

    Caller: “What?! My cousin told me to call y’all and y’all would get us fed. I know the State has lots of monies, can’t you just send us some?”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, you need to call DHS and they will be able to assist you.”

    Caller: “F*** You! The G**-D***** State never does a damn thing for us poor folks! I hope you feel the fires of hell for starving children!” *click*

    Me: *stunned silence*

    When Generations Collide

    , | Los Angeles, CA |

    Old man in a Japanese Gift Shop: “Do you carry thongs here?”

    Me: “Uh… WHAT?”

    Old man: “You know… flippity flops… sandals!”

    Better Idea: Make Your Boys Wear Dresses

    , | Northern California, USA |

    Lady customer: “Where’s your boy stuff?”

    Me: “We don’t really have any. This store is mainly targeted for girls.”

    Lady customer: “WELL YOU SHOULD!”

    I’m Sure We Have A Book On That Topic

    | London |

    Customer: “Excuse me, how do I get up the stairs?”

    Me: “If you don’t already know, I’m afraid I can’t help you.”

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