July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Category: Uncategorized

Courage Under Fire

| Boise, ID, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I want to make a payment on my account, please.”

(Suddenly, the fire alarm starts screaming its little mechanical head off.)

Me: “Sir, I apologize, but our fire alarm is going off and I have to leave the building. You’ll need to call back.”

Caller: “I don’t give a d*** if you burn to death. You’re going to take my payment right now!”

Me: “Not happening, sir. Please call back.” *I hang up the call*

Manager: “Why are you still sitting there? Get out! Do you want to burn to death?”

Me: “Well, the customer wanted me to!” *I grab my purse and run out*

Weighting For The Other Shoe To Drop

| South Carolina, USA | Uncategorized

Regular Customer #1: “Hey, have you lost weight?”

Me: *beaming* “I have, in fact! I’ve had to fight pretty hard for it. Thank you for noticing!”

(Ten minutes later…)

Regular Customer #2: “Are you having a baby?”

Me: *no longer beaming*

Zuck Makes Us All Look Like Schmucks

| Sonoma, California, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Are you the owner?”

Me: “Me?”

Customer: “Yeah!”

Me: *laughs* “No, sir, I’m 17. I’m just a server.”

Customer: “So!? Age doesn’t matter! That one Facebook guy was like 16, and he’s a billionaire!”

Lost & Found Gets Tossed Around

| NY, USA | Bizarre, Uncategorized

(I am the office manager at a nice apartment building. It is a secure building that requires anyone entering to use a key code. We’re located in a safe town, and have never had a single incident of theft or other criminal activity. A resident approaches my desk.)

Resident: “Have you seen my sweater? I think I left in down here a couple hours ago!”

Me: “No one turned one in to me. Have you checked the Lost & Found box around the corner?”

Resident: “Lost & Found box? You mean you leave lost items just out in the open like that?!”

Me: “Yes, we put the ‘found’ items in a single location so people are not running all around looking for them.”

Resident: “That is atrocious! Anyone could walk in off the street and steal from the box!”

Me: “This building is locked, ma’am. The only people who have access to this area have a key code, like yourself.”

Resident: “But someone like me could steal them! I could go to that box and steal everything in there if I wanted to!”

(To illustrate her point, the resident runs around the corner, grabs the Lost & Found box, and drags it over to my desk.)

Resident: *flings items out of the box* “I’m going to steal this, and this, and all of these! THEY’RE ALL GOING TO BE MINE!”

Me: “Uh, ma’am? I’m going to have to ask you not to take items that don’t belong to you.”

Resident: “YOU DON’T KNOW THEY’RE NOT MINE!”

(Suddenly, she spots the sweater she was looking for to begin with, and totally calms down.)

Resident: “Oh. My sweater! Oh my God! Thank you so much for helping me find it!”

(She grabs her sweater and happily skips off, leaving the box and all its items sprawled out over the floor.)

Me: *dumbfounded* “…you’re welcome?”

My Eyes Advise That Your Size Defies

| Fort Worth, TX, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m working in the fitting room of a popular clothing store. A customer enters with several pairs of shorts.)

Me: “Found some items you liked? I’ll start a fitting room for you.”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m not sure if these will work.”

Me: “I’ll be happy to switch the sizes out for you if these don’t work out.”

(She enters her fitting room and starts trying on her shorts. After a few minutes, she comes out wearing a pair that are WAY too small for her.)

Customer: “Oh, no…these won’t work!”

Me: “You’re right. A different size would work better.”

Customer: “Oh good! I’m glad you agree. These are a 6…can you get me a 2 and a 4?”

Me: *mouth hanging open*

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