Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Category: Uncategorized

    Misery Works At Companies

    | Blackwood, NJ, USA |

    (I’m a customer at a grocery store. It’s late evening, 9 pm or so. A customer is complaining about a sale price on a single bag of potato chips being one price, but they’re ringing up as another.)

    Cashier: “Sir, the tag says right here: ‘Requires loyalty card.’”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want your stupid card! Everywhere I go, they want me to get a f***in’ loyalty card! I just want my God-given potato chips for a God-lovin’ price!”

    Cashier: “Sir, as you can see, the tag shows—”

    Customer: “You know what? I don’t want your f***in’ potato chips. God doesn’t love people who don’t give their God-given discounts!” *storms out*

    (I walk up and give the cashier a second to breathe.)

    Me: “Hi, I hope your night gets better, and yes, I have my card. You have a great attitude, you did well, and the fact that you’re still smiling tells me you get these people a lot.”

    Cashier: “You sound like you have an idea.”

    Me: “3 years in retail and 15 in phone support. We get ‘em all the time.”

    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 11

    | FL, USA |

    (I am a customer at a bookstore. I’m browsing the teen literature section to see what all the hype is over the Twilight series. A nearby customer sees me paging through one of the books and speaks up excitedly.)

    Girl: “I love Twilight!”

    Me: “Oh, are you interested in vampire stories?”

    Girl: “Absolutely! I love anything to do with vampires! I know about all there is to know about them!”

    Me: “You must be a big Bram Stoker fan, then.”

    Girl: *quizzical look* “Who is that?”

    Me: *puts Twilight down quickly*

    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 10
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 9
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 8
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 7
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 6
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 5
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 4
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy

    It’s About To Get Ugly In Here

    | Wisconsin, USA |

    (I work with a surprisingly attractive staff. While I’m not ugly, the majority of my coworkers are more attractive than me. An elderly man walks up to me.)

    Customer: “I want you to serve me. Attractive people never have good service. You are NOT attractive, so I know you’ll do a great job!”

    Me: “Ummm… thanks?”

    They Won’t Move A Muscle, Although They Can Move You To Tears

    | Virginia, USA |

    (We have an aisle at our grocery store that is split down the middle by food displays, making two very narrow aisles on the sides. One aisle is blocked by my coworker, who is busy is explaining to several customers how to tell if food is safe since we just lost power after a large storm. The other aisle is blocked by another customer looking at the labels of juice bottles. I am trying to get down the aisle and excuse myself past the customer.)

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I shouldn’t have to be the one to move. I’m the customer! He should have to move.”

    Me: “Oh, well I—”

    Customer: “I mean I’m the customer! He’s blocking the way! Employees should be moving, not the customers!”

    (I walk past the lady and start picking up groceries further down the aisle. The customer then decides to go after my coworker, who is still busy helping other customers.)

    Customer: *to my coworker* “Sir, you really need to move! You’re blocking the aisle!”

    Other Customer: “Ma’am, it’s not that big of a deal.”

    Customer: *to my coworker* “No, you need to move! I’m the customer! I shouldn’t have to move!”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, I’m very sorry. I’m moving out of the way.”

    Customer: “That’s right! Customers shouldn’t have to move!”

    The Girl Who Cross-Shopped The Employee’s Best

    | OR, USA |

    (A customer walks into the bookstore and begins looking around.)

    Me: “Hello! Is there anything I can help you find today?”

    Customer: “Yes, there is this book that I heard about on the radio that I want to read.  I can’t remember the title, though.”

    Me: “Alright, do you know who the author is?”

    Customer: “No, but I’m pretty sure that he was from Norway, and it came out really recently.”

    Me: “Okay, I can’t think of any books by Norwegian authors that are big right now, but I can try to see what we have. I’ll go ask my boss if she can think of anything.”

    Me: *to my boss* “Do you know of any books by Norwegian authors that came out recently?”

    Boss: “No. Do they know anything else about it?”

    Me: “I’m not sure, but I will ask.”

    (I walk back to the customer.)

    Me: “Neither of us can think of anything by a Norwegian author that came out recently. Can you think of anything else about the book? If we don’t have it in stock, I can special order it for you.”

    Customer: “I think it was a mystery.”

    (On a hunch, I walk out to our new book display and pick up “The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest” by Swedish author Stieg Larsson.)

    Me: “It wouldn’t happen to be this, would it?  This book came out very recently in hard cover and is very popular right now.”

    Customer: “That’s it!”

    Me: “Excellent! That book is actually part of a series.  We have the first one right over here if you are interested.”

    (I walk over and grab the first book and hold it out to her.)

    Customer:The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo? Okay, that looks good!”

    (I continue holding the book out for her, but she doesn’t take it.)

    Me: “If this is all, I can ring it up for you right now, or I can set it aside for you while you browse.”

    Customer: *happily* “Oh, no, I’m not going to buy it. Now that I know what the book is, I am going to go home and buy it on my Kindle!” *turns and leaves without another word*

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