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    You’d Better Belieber It

    | Muncie, IN, USA | Uncategorized

    (I work as a picture framer in a well known craft store. Around my second week of work, a tall, tough-looking guy walks up to my counter and this occurs.)

    Tough Guy: “Hi, uh, do you sell poster frames?”

    Me: “Absolutely! What size do you need?”

    Tough Guy: “Poster size?”

    Me: “Well, we carry several poster frames, ranging from 16″x20″ to 24″x36″. Do you know approximately how big your poster is?”

    Tough Guy: “I dunno… Justin Bieber size?”

    It’ll Go Away If You’re Belieber
    He Is, If You’re A Belieber

    Misery Works At Companies

    | Blackwood, NJ, USA | Uncategorized

    (I’m a customer at a grocery store. It’s late evening, 9 pm or so. A customer is complaining about a sale price on a single bag of potato chips being one price, but they’re ringing up as another.)

    Cashier: “Sir, the tag says right here: ‘Requires loyalty card.'”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want your stupid card! Everywhere I go, they want me to get a f***in’ loyalty card! I just want my God-given potato chips for a God-lovin’ price!”

    Cashier: “Sir, as you can see, the tag shows—”

    Customer: “You know what? I don’t want your f***in’ potato chips. God doesn’t love people who don’t give their God-given discounts!” *storms out*

    (I walk up and give the cashier a second to breathe.)

    Me: “Hi, I hope your night gets better, and yes, I have my card. You have a great attitude, you did well, and the fact that you’re still smiling tells me you get these people a lot.”

    Cashier: “You sound like you have an idea.”

    Me: “3 years in retail and 15 in phone support. We get ’em all the time.”

    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 11

    | FL, USA | Uncategorized

    (I am a customer at a bookstore. I’m browsing the teen literature section to see what all the hype is over the Twilight series. A nearby customer sees me paging through one of the books and speaks up excitedly.)

    Girl: “I love Twilight!”

    Me: “Oh, are you interested in vampire stories?”

    Girl: “Absolutely! I love anything to do with vampires! I know about all there is to know about them!”

    Me: “You must be a big Bram Stoker fan, then.”

    Girl: *quizzical look* “Who is that?”

    Me: *puts Twilight down quickly*

    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 10
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 9
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 8
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 7
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 6
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 5
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 4
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy

    It’s About To Get Ugly In Here

    | Wisconsin, USA | Uncategorized

    (I work with a surprisingly attractive staff. While I’m not ugly, the majority of my coworkers are more attractive than me. An elderly man walks up to me.)

    Customer: “I want you to serve me. Attractive people never have good service. You are NOT attractive, so I know you’ll do a great job!”

    Me: “Ummm… thanks?”

    They Won’t Move A Muscle, Although They Can Move You To Tears

    | Virginia, USA | Uncategorized

    (We have an aisle at our grocery store that is split down the middle by food displays, making two very narrow aisles on the sides. One aisle is blocked by my coworker, who is busy is explaining to several customers how to tell if food is safe since we just lost power after a large storm. The other aisle is blocked by another customer looking at the labels of juice bottles. I am trying to get down the aisle and excuse myself past the customer.)

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I shouldn’t have to be the one to move. I’m the customer! He should have to move.”

    Me: “Oh, well I—”

    Customer: “I mean I’m the customer! He’s blocking the way! Employees should be moving, not the customers!”

    (I walk past the lady and start picking up groceries further down the aisle. The customer then decides to go after my coworker, who is still busy helping other customers.)

    Customer: *to my coworker* “Sir, you really need to move! You’re blocking the aisle!”

    Other Customer: “Ma’am, it’s not that big of a deal.”

    Customer: *to my coworker* “No, you need to move! I’m the customer! I shouldn’t have to move!”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, I’m very sorry. I’m moving out of the way.”

    Customer: “That’s right! Customers shouldn’t have to move!”

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