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    Completin’ Ain’t Cheatin’

    | Anchorage, AK, USA |

    (My coworker is showing a customer a series of trivia games. Each revolves around a different subject: science, geography, presidents, etc.)

    Coworker: “They’re a really fun way to learn new things, and the wide variety gives you a lot of options.”

    Customer: “But what if the kids memorize all the answers?”

    Coworker: “…Mission accomplished?”

    Customer: “Oh… oh! Yeah, of course…”

    Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 5

    | Booneville, MO, USA |

    (I’m at a nearby water park with some friends. A friend and I walk over to the deep end and start to get on the diving boards. The exchange initially takes place between my friend, a customer swimming in the deep end, and a lifeguard.)

    Customer: *to my friend on the diving board* “Excuse me, people are swimming here.”

    My Friend: “Umm… but this is the diving area.”

    Customer: “You can’t dive here while we’re swimming!”

    Lifeguard: “Ma’am, this is the diving area.”

    (The female customer huffs angrily and then swims across the pool slowly, forcing my friend and I to wait before we can dive. We still go off the diving boards several times, and then leave to get on the water slides for awhile. We come back to the diving boards later to find the same customer making a scene with the park manager.)

    Customer: “…and we would all have to get out of the water. Then this guy would do one dive and leave. We would all get back in the water and he would come back to dive again. It’s ridiculous.”

    Manager: “Ma’am, this area is for diving only. You’re not supposed to swim in here. Furthermore, I won’t allow you to talk to my lifeguards like that. Please leave the park now.”

    Customer: “I don’t have to listen to this ****. You better give me back my $4! I haven’t been here that long.”

    Manager: “If you don’t leave now, I’m going to call the police.”

    Customer: “Now you’re gonna call the police? I’ve been trying to be civil!”

    (So much for being civil—we heard later from one of the lifeguards that she ended up leaving in the back of a police car.)

    Related:
    Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 4
    Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 3
    Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 2
    Dim Witted And Off The Deep End

    The Only Thing He’s Paying For Is Lip Service

    | Tampa, FL, USA |

    (Note: I’m an unpaid museum volunteer with a vest that obviously says volunteer. A well-dressed patron approaches me.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, how are you?”

    Patron: “I need to speak to the President, please.”

    Me: “Are you talking about the Vice Presidents or just the President?”

    Patron: “You know d*** well who I’m talking about, now get me to him! I’m the one who controls YOUR paycheck!”

    Me: “I’m a volunteer, sir.”

    Patron: “Oh…” *walks away*

    You’d Better Belieber It

    | Muncie, IN, USA |

    (I work as a picture framer in a well known craft store. Around my second week of work, a tall, tough-looking guy walks up to my counter and this occurs.)

    Tough Guy: “Hi, uh, do you sell poster frames?”

    Me: “Absolutely! What size do you need?”

    Tough Guy: “Poster size?”

    Me: “Well, we carry several poster frames, ranging from 16″x20″ to 24″x36″. Do you know approximately how big your poster is?”

    Tough Guy: “I dunno… Justin Bieber size?”

    Related:
    It’ll Go Away If You’re Belieber
    He Is, If You’re A Belieber

    Misery Works At Companies

    | Blackwood, NJ, USA |

    (I’m a customer at a grocery store. It’s late evening, 9 pm or so. A customer is complaining about a sale price on a single bag of potato chips being one price, but they’re ringing up as another.)

    Cashier: “Sir, the tag says right here: ‘Requires loyalty card.’”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want your stupid card! Everywhere I go, they want me to get a f***in’ loyalty card! I just want my God-given potato chips for a God-lovin’ price!”

    Cashier: “Sir, as you can see, the tag shows—”

    Customer: “You know what? I don’t want your f***in’ potato chips. God doesn’t love people who don’t give their God-given discounts!” *storms out*

    (I walk up and give the cashier a second to breathe.)

    Me: “Hi, I hope your night gets better, and yes, I have my card. You have a great attitude, you did well, and the fact that you’re still smiling tells me you get these people a lot.”

    Cashier: “You sound like you have an idea.”

    Me: “3 years in retail and 15 in phone support. We get ‘em all the time.”


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