Category: Uncategorized

Songs In The Key Of Clueless

| North Carolina, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer walks in with a saxophone case, looking very worried.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “I want to sell my violin, it’s in great condition.”

Me: “Certainly, can I see the violin please?”

Customer: “Yes, sure.”

(At this point he opens up the sax case and places a nearly new tenor sax on the table.)

Me: “Uh, sir, that’s a saxophone, not a violin.”

Customer: “No, no, it’s a violin. I’m sure of it.”

Me: “Sir, I’m telling you it’s a saxophone. A violin has strings, and a bow.”

Customer: “No. It’s a violin. You think I don’t know a violin when I see one?”

(The argument continues in this fashion for another 5-10 minutes.)

Me: “Sir, are you still trading this instrument in? We can sort this out later.”

Customer: “…what’s an instrument?”

Me: *face palm*

Used To Be That A Few Cans Tied Together Got You Online

| Ottawa, Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

Caller: “I noticed I have a data block on my phone.”

Me: “Yes sir, that’s correct.”

Caller: “Will it stop the Internet?”

Me: “Yes sir, it blocks all incoming and outgoing kilobytes to the phone. This does include the prevention of Internet usage.”

Caller: “Kilobytes?”

Me: “It’s a measurement of data, sir.”

Caller: “Well, I want to keep my Internet!”

Me: “Then I’ll be more than happy to remove the blo–”

Caller: “But I want to keep my block too!”

Me: “Sir, the data block stops all incoming and outgoing data to your device. Since the Internet is made of data, it’ll get blocked too.”

Caller: “Since when did the Internet start being made out of data and kilobytes?”

A Very Loose-Knit Family

| San Diego, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(I call a man from our waiting list and begin to take him to his table.)

Customer: “Wait, I’m going to eating with my wife and daughter. How are they going to find me?”

Me: “Oh, we have your name from the list, sir. We can send them on back when they arrive.”

Customer: “How are they going to know my name?”

Me: “Your wife and daughter don’t know your name?”

Customer: “No!”

A Lesson In Latte Linguistics

| Tampa, FL, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’d like a GRAHN-DAY coffee. ”

Me: “Anything else sir?”

Customer: “This isn’t a grande!”

Me: “You’re ordering using our competitor’s terms, sir. Their grande is our medium.”

Customer: “Grande! Grande! BIG! Don’t you speak Spanish?!”

Me:Si senor, hablo espanol. Quiere algo mas?”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “Didn’t you just ask if I spoke Spanish?”

Customer: “Whatever!” *pays for coffee and leaves*

The Devil Is In The Ridiculous Details

| Gainesville, FL, USA | Uncategorized

(Two female customers are purchasing coffees and breath mints at the cafe in the bookstore.)

Me: “Your total is $6.66.”

Customer 1: *looking horrified* “NO! I don’t want my total to be $6.66! Let me add something else…”

(She starts combing the gum shelves for a flavor she wants.)

Customer 2: *patting friend consolingly* “No, don’t worry about it. You only have to worry about it if $6.66 is the amount of change you get BACK.”

Customer 1: “OH, okay!”

Page 557/884First...555556557558559...Last