November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Uncategorized

Paging Dr. Cold Cut

| Laramie, WY, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Would you like chips or a drink with your sandwich?”

Customer: *surprised* “What?!”

Me: “Would you like chips or a drink?”

Customer: *shocked* “What did you say?”

Me: *slowly* “I asked if you would like to have chips or a drink with your sandwich.”

Customer: “OOOOOOH! I thought you asked if I would like to have surgery with my sub!”

Fifi Feels The Sting Of Government Bailouts

, | Florida, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [bank]. This is ****, how may I help you?”

Customer: “I just went to the drive-thru at the bank’s **** location, and they were very rude!”

Me: “I’m so sorry. Please explain what happened.”

Customer: “I go there every day, and they always give my dog a doggy biscuit. Today they didn’t give him a biscuit!”

Me: “I’m sorry. What else happened?”

Customer: “Well…that’s it, but I always have my dog with me and they always give him a treat. They told me they’re not doing that anymore!”

Me: “It’s not a requirement for the bank branches to give treats to customers’ pets.”

Customer: “I’m going to close my account if they don’t start giving out treats again!”

Me: “That is your decision to make. But again, it is not a requirement for a bank branch to give your dog treats.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous!” *click*

Two For The Price Of Dumb

| Grand Junction, CO, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I saw this same cord at [competitor] for $15. Why is it $20 here?”

Me: “I don’t know, maybe they’re having a sale? I don’t set the prices.”

Customer: “Well, will you price match?”

Me: “If you can provide documentation, sure, I’ll do it.”

Customer: “So if I bring in the receipt that shows $15 at [competitor], I can get it here for $15?”

Me: “…so you want to go to [competitor], buy it for $15, and then come here to buy it again so that we can match their price?”

Customer: “Yes. Will you match that?”

Me: “Sure, why not?”

Fighting Fake With Fake

| Boulder, CO, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer walks into the gas station and picks up a plastic 21 oz. bottle of water.)

Me: “Will that be all for you today?”

(The customer then holds it like he wants to hit me with it.)

Customer: “Give me all your money! This is a stickup!”

Me: “You’re trying to hold me up with a bottle of water?!”

Customer: “GIVE IT!”

(I pretend to press the silent alarm.)

Customer: “S***! The cops!” *runs off, dropping the bottle of water on his way out*

Open Sesame (Bun)

| Omaha, NE, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m collecting carts from the parking lot. A woman abandons her cart near her car, so I go to pick it up. Note that she’s also munching on some bread.)

Customer: “Oh! I think I locked my keys in the car.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Please feel free to come inside and use the phone to call a locksmith or someone that can bring you another key.”

Customer: “Look! The window is open just a little.”

Me: “Unfortunately, I can’t help you get into the vehicle unless you are able to prove that it’s yours. I’d recommend calling a locksmith because that opening seems too small.”

Customer: *ignores me* “Maybe if I can just get something in?”

(The woman rips a piece of bread off the loaf she is eating and stuffs it in through the car window.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t know how that is going to help.”

Customer: “I thought…maybe if I could just get something in there?”