Category: Uncategorized

Why Indoor Drive-Ins Never Took Off

| Michigan, USA | Uncategorized

(Two older teenagers come up to my booth to buy tickets.)

Me: “What can I do for you guys today?”

Customer 1: “One for ‘Up’.”

Me: “That’ll be $6.50.”

Customer 2: “Same for me.”

Me: “Sure, $6.50.”

Customer 1: “Those school buses parked outside, they’re not seeing this movie, are they?”

Me: “No, sir. They’re on a school field trip to see Night at the Museum 2.”

Customer 2: “I don’t think they have seats big enough, anyways.”

Customer 1: “Big enough for what?”

Customer 2: “School buses.”

Desperate Times Call For Half-Hearted Measures

, | Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Three items? Here’s your fitting room, let me know if you need a hand.”

(The customer goes in, stands there for five minutes and searches the fitting room.)

Customer: “There’s no mirror.”

Me: “Nope, but as you can see there’s a mirror right outside.”

Customer: “That won’t do. Can I have the handicap room, please?” (The handicap room is a larger room with a bench and mirrors.)

Me: “I’m sorry…that’s reserved for customers with wheelchairs and strollers.”

Customer: “But I want it.”

Me: “Sorry, it’s a store policy…obviously someone with a stroller or a wheelchair can’t fit in a normal fitting room, so we have to keep that one free.”

(The customer lifts one arm, laden with jeans and shopping bags. She waves it around, and points to it with her other arm.)

Customer: “…but, my arm is broken!”

The Geese Will Never Know What Hit ‘Em

| Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

(At our gardens, we use dogs to chase geese away from delicate areas. I encounter two elderly patrons who are clearly unhappy.)

Patron #1: “I think it’s disgusting that they allow dogs here.”

Me: “Don’t worry, ma’am, the dog is an employee. He has a name tag and a paycheck.”

Patron #2: “Then why don’t the employees chase the geese away?”

Me: “That’s because the geese are meaner than we are. If you think you can do a better job, feel free to!”

Honesty Against The Best Policies

| Staffordshire, England | Uncategorized

(We have a 5-item max policy for our changing rooms. One lady walked out with arms full of stuff, then went back for more.)

Me: “Excuse me, it’s only 5 items in the changing rooms.”

Customer: “Well, it’s never been that before.”

Me: “Actually, we’ve been enforcing it for the last 18 months. See, there’s a sign.” *points at sign on wall*

Customer: “I don’t actually read signs.”

Me: “Well, at least you’ll know for next time.”

Customer: “Oh, I won’t read it next time, either.”

Variety Is The Vice Of Life

| Washington DC, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Here’s your drink. Are you ready to order your food, or would you like some more time?”

Customer: “No, I know what I wants. I wants the cheeseburger. That’s all.”

Me: “OK, what kind of cheese would you like, and how well would you like that cooked?”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “Sorry – what kind of cheese would you like, and how well would you like that cooked?”

Customer: “Whadya mean what kinda cheese? Reg’lar yella cheese!”

Me: “OK…and how well done would you like that?”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “How well-cooked would you like the burger, sir?”

Customer: “What you talkin’ ’bout, how well-cooked?”

Me: “Would you like it cooked rare, medium rare, medium, medium well or well done?”

Customer: “Now look – when I go to [another fast food restaurant] and order me a burger, they don’t ask me if I want it cooked! Course I want it cooked. I don’t want no raw meat. Now gimme a d*** cooked burger with some plain ol’ yella cheese!”

Me: “Yes, sir!”

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