Category: Uncategorized

Maxed Out Wallets, Bankrupt Brains

| Florida, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, I’m calling about a bill your [credit card] that you haven’t paid in two months.”

Customer: “I don’t even have this card.”

Me: “Well, is this your address?” *asks address*

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “And is this your correct phone number?” *asks phone number*

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “May I verify the last four digits of your social?”

Customer: “Yes, it’s ****.”

Me: “Okay, that’s what we have. Were your last charges at [dentist] and with your phone company on [date]?”

Customer: “Why, yes, I did go there on those dates.”

Me: “So, you used this card.”

Customer: “No, I cut up this card. I don’t have it anymore.”

Me: “Well, the account is still open and you’re still responsible for the money you owe.”

Customer: “No, I cut up the card! I don’t owe anything!”

Me: “You have a balance of $2000 on the card. Even when you cut the card up, you still owe what you spent.”

Customer: “Really?!”

Much Ado About Nothing

| Iowa, USA | Uncategorized

Library patron: “How much is this book?”

Me: “Well, according to the price on the back it looks like it costs about $27.00. However, the actual price may vary depending on where you buy it.”

Library patron: “Wow, that is a lot of money.”

Me: “Yea, kind of.”

Library patron: “Okay, well…I’ll take it,”

Me: “Okay, I will need your library card and I can check it out to you.”

Library patron: “Oh, I want to write a check.”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t sell books here. This is a library, so you borrow them.”

Library patron: “So you are not going to sell me this book?”

Me: “No, but I will gladly let you check it out if you have a library card.”

Library patron: “What kind of store is this?”

Me: “It isn’t a store…it’s a library.”

Library patron: “So you really won’t sell me this book?”

Me: “No, I cannot sell you that book.”

Library patron: “Fine! I’ll take my money elsewhere!”

Me: “Nice doing business with you!”

On A Tight Leash

| Albany, NY, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [cable company], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, my cable box is doing that tiling thing.”

Me: “I can help you with that. Let’s try and reboot the box. I need you to unplug it.”

Customer: “My wife is recording a show. Will that be affected?”

Me: “Unfortunately, yes. If you unplug the box, the DVR will stop recording.”

Customer: “Do you think I should should wait, and call back later when it’s done?”

Me: *chuckles* “That depends on how much trouble you’ll get in with your wife.”

Customer: *laughs nervously* “Yeah, you’re right. She’ll lock me in the basement again…I’ll wait, thank you.”

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

He’s Got The Look

| Ireland | Uncategorized

Male Customer: “Excuse me, could I get some boyfriend jeans?”

Me: “Sorry, what?”

Customer: “You know, the baggy jeans – ‘boyfriend’ jeans.” *looks at me like I’m stupid*

Me: “You mean…normal jeans?”

Customer: *adamantly* “NO! My girlfriend calls them ‘boyfriend’ jeans.”

Me: “She’s female…for guys they’re just ‘jeans’…”

Customer: “Well, whatever they are, can you get me a pair?”

Now In Original & Extra Bandwidth Flavor

| Austin, TX, USA | Uncategorized

(I work at a sandwich place, where we have signs up promoting free Wi-Fi. A uninformed lady comes in to the store.)

Lady: *looking the menu over and over* “How big is the serving of free Wi-Fi?”

Me: “I’m sorry, can you say that again?”

Lady: “The serving of Wi-Fi, how big is the free portion? Can I pay extra and get a bigger one to share with my husband, or can we get two cups for free?”

Me: “The Wi-Fi is a signal for computers that can connect to the internet wirelessly…it isn’t something edible.”

(She looks around for a long time, checks her phone and then walks out.)

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