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    Taking It Old School

    | Northridge, CA, USA |

    (I was working in the department office one day when an old woman called me up.)

    Me: *on the phone* “Radio, TV and Film Department. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “I want to take a class in radio.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but our classes are part of the Bachelor’s degree curriculum. You can’t just take one class.”

    Caller: “Well…how long is the Bachelor’s degree program?”

    Me: “4 years at minimum, but the average student take 5 years to complete it.”

    Caller: “5 YEARS?! I can’t do that! …so where else can I take a class in radio?”

    Me: “Why don’t you try **** College? They have a radio station, so they may have some radio classes. Here’s the number.”

    Caller: “What kind of school is **** College?”

    Me: “It’s a community college.”

    Caller: “A WHAT kind of college?”

    Me: “A community college. You know, a junior college.”

    Caller: “HONEY! I don’t need no JUNIOR college. I am a SENIOR citizen!”

    Maxed Out Wallets, Bankrupt Brains

    | Florida, USA |

    Me: “Hello, I’m calling about a bill your [credit card] that you haven’t paid in two months.”

    Customer: “I don’t even have this card.”

    Me: “Well, is this your address?” *asks address*

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “And is this your correct phone number?” *asks phone number*

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “May I verify the last four digits of your social?”

    Customer: “Yes, it’s ****.”

    Me: “Okay, that’s what we have. Were your last charges at [dentist] and with your phone company on [date]?”

    Customer: “Why, yes, I did go there on those dates.”

    Me: “So, you used this card.”

    Customer: “No, I cut up this card. I don’t have it anymore.”

    Me: “Well, the account is still open and you’re still responsible for the money you owe.”

    Customer: “No, I cut up the card! I don’t owe anything!”

    Me: “You have a balance of $2000 on the card. Even when you cut the card up, you still owe what you spent.”

    Customer: “Really?!”

    Much Ado About Nothing

    | Iowa, USA |

    Library patron: “How much is this book?”

    Me: “Well, according to the price on the back it looks like it costs about $27.00. However, the actual price may vary depending on where you buy it.”

    Library patron: “Wow, that is a lot of money.”

    Me: “Yea, kind of.”

    Library patron: “Okay, well…I’ll take it,”

    Me: “Okay, I will need your library card and I can check it out to you.”

    Library patron: “Oh, I want to write a check.”

    Me: “Ma’am, we don’t sell books here. This is a library, so you borrow them.”

    Library patron: “So you are not going to sell me this book?”

    Me: “No, but I will gladly let you check it out if you have a library card.”

    Library patron: “What kind of store is this?”

    Me: “It isn’t a store…it’s a library.”

    Library patron: “So you really won’t sell me this book?”

    Me: “No, I cannot sell you that book.”

    Library patron: “Fine! I’ll take my money elsewhere!”

    Me: “Nice doing business with you!”

    On A Tight Leash

    | Albany, NY, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [cable company], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, my cable box is doing that tiling thing.”

    Me: “I can help you with that. Let’s try and reboot the box. I need you to unplug it.”

    Customer: “My wife is recording a show. Will that be affected?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, yes. If you unplug the box, the DVR will stop recording.”

    Customer: “Do you think I should should wait, and call back later when it’s done?”

    Me: *chuckles* “That depends on how much trouble you’ll get in with your wife.”

    Customer: *laughs nervously* “Yeah, you’re right. She’ll lock me in the basement again…I’ll wait, thank you.”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    He’s Got The Look

    | Ireland |

    Male Customer: “Excuse me, could I get some boyfriend jeans?”

    Me: “Sorry, what?”

    Customer: “You know, the baggy jeans – ‘boyfriend’ jeans.” *looks at me like I’m stupid*

    Me: “You mean…normal jeans?”

    Customer: *adamantly* “NO! My girlfriend calls them ‘boyfriend’ jeans.”

    Me: “She’s female…for guys they’re just ‘jeans’…”

    Customer: “Well, whatever they are, can you get me a pair?”

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