Category: Uncategorized

The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 12

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

(I am at the local library, checking out Bram Stoker’s Dracula. A teenage girl barges up to the desk with the entire Twilight collection in her arms.)

Me: “Hey, I was checking—”

Girl: *completely ignoring me* “I would like to check these out!”

Librarian: “Please wait in line, miss.”

Girl: “Are you refusing me service?”

Librarian: “No, ma’am. How can I help you?”

Girl: “I really love these books! This is, like, the fifth time I’ve read them!”

Librarian: “Perhaps I could interest you in other vampire related materials?”

Girl: “Oh, my god! There’s more?”

(I’m really angry at this point and interject, since the girl is oblivious to the fact she cut in front of me.)

Me: “Yes, there are. However, no other book that has anything to do with vampires is as loaded with useless Mary Sues as that mountain of garbage you oh so adore.”

Girl: *completely clueless* “What do you mean? These books are great!”

Me: *points at cover of Dracula’* “This guy is a vampire.”

Girl: “No he’s not! He’s way too ugly!”

Me: “Yes, he is a vampire. Vampires, as they should be, are hideous predators that only seek to feed on humanity. The so called vegetarianism’ that is present in Twilight offers no sustenance to a vampire. Also, when they go out in the daylight, they burn, not take a bath in a vat of rhinestones.”

Librarian: “He does have a point there.”

Girl: “That’s disgusting! Who would want a vampire like that?”

(She storms out of the library with the Magnum Opus of snowflakes in her book bag.)

Related:
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 11
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 10
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 9
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 8
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 7
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 6
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 5
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 4
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
The Twilight Of Our Literacy

A Time Sheet To Every Purpose

| MN, USA | Uncategorized

(I work at a large grocery store in the bakery department in a town that gets a lot of tourists. I am leaving the bathroom when I am met by a customer.)

Customer: “Oh, good. You are here to clean the bathrooms. They really need to be done.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t clean the bathrooms. If you would like, I could get someone from maintenance to clean them for you.”

Customer: “No. You work here in this store. You clean the bathrooms.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I work in the bakery department. I don’t clean the bathrooms, but I can get someone who does it to clean them for you.”

Customer: “No, you should. You work here. You clean them.”

Me: “Ma’am, what do you do for work?”

Customer: “I’m an accountant.” *looks rather proud of herself*

Me: “Do you clean the bathrooms there?”

Customer: *scoffs and walks off in a huff*

A Storm Of Protest

| Seattle, WA, USA | Uncategorized

(I work at a call center for a large online distributor of high-end lighting.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [company], this is [name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Hi, I was wondering where my shipment was.”

Me: “Okay, if you give me your order number, I can check on that for you.”

Customer: “I don’t have my d*** order number! Can’t you just look it up by my name?”

Me: “Unfortunately, since we have customers all over the country, I can’t look you up by just your name. I can try your email address, however.”

Customer: “Oh, okay! It’s [email].”

Me: “Okay, give me just a moment to pull that up.”

Customer: “Thanks. I’m really frustrated because this d*** thing was supposed to arrive yesterday and it’s still not here yet.”

(I pull up her order. The tracking information for her shipment says that it is being delayed because of the hurricane. I check her information: she is located in New York, a few miles outside of New York City.)

Me: “I’m sorry for the delay in shipment, but it seems that delivery to your area is on hold because of the hurricane.”

Customer: “What? The hurricane was last night. Is my furniture coming today?”

Me: “Unfortunately, the shipping company is going to have a hard time getting to your area because of the hurricane.”

Customer: “What the f***?! How is that my problem? I paid for the d*** furniture, and I want it to be delivered on time!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but have you seen the news for your area?”

Customer: “Well, duh! Everyone’s talking about the d*** hurricane!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, would you want to be out driving right now?”

Customer: “Of course not! It’s awful out there!”

Me: “But you expect the delivery company to be able to get to you?”

Customer: *silence*

Me: “They will be out for delivery as soon as everything is cleaned up.”

Customer: *click*

Editor’s note: Although this story tells the lighter side of things, the devastation caused by Sandy is very serious. Click here to visit FEMA’s dedicated Sandy page and learn how you can donate and volunteer.

Age Before Snooty

| MA, USA | Uncategorized

(I am dealing with a bratty 15-year-old girl, who’s dissatisfied with her caricature that my coworker drew of her. She’s obnoxiously making a big scene in front of a crowd.)

Me: “We can have another artist redraw it for you if you’d like.”

Girl: “Whatever! You are all just jealous because you’re old!”

Me: “Well, you’ll be our age someday.”

Girl: “Not if I die young!”

Me: *placidly* “We can only hope.”

Not Really Our Calling

| Irvine, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(I am a server. It is slowing down during my shift, and I’m usually happy to talk with my customers. I have a well-meaning elderly couple at my table. I was born and raised here, college educated, and speak in a standard American dialect, almost valley girl sounding when I get giddy.)

Me: “So, is everything tasting great?”

Old man: “Yes, thank you. So, I’m curious, where are you from?”

(What he really wants to know, is what kind of non-white race am I.)

Me: “My parents are from India.”

Old man: “Oh! Indian, huh? Well, your English is very good. You should work in those, uh, those call centers… yeah! Because every time I call customer service, I can hardly understand what they are saying!”

Me: “Um… thank you, but that’s really not… uh… my area of interest.”

Old man: *shrugs* “Ah, well.”

Me: *forced, polite smile* “I’ll be back to check on you in a bit…”

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