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    The Next Tour Will Start In Approximately One Generation

    | MI, USA |

    Tourist: “Hi. You guys still give guided tours every half hour, right?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry. We don’t have guided tours.”

    Tourist: “What? You used to!”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry, but we don’t.”

    Tourist: “You used to have guided tours every half hour! You had then the last time I was here!”

    Me: “I’ve been here six years, and we’ve never done that. How long ago were you here?”

    Tourist: “Well, I guess it was… 22 years ago.”

    A Real Crappy Photoshop Job

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    Customer: “Can you remove this person—” *indicates one child right in the middle of a family photo* “—from this photo? Oh, and be careful, there was a dog taking a fat s*** behind him. If you can see it, remove it, too.”

    A True Basket Case

    | IN, USA |

    (I’m a cashier. I’m currently ringing up a customer that’s attending a small child, maybe four or five years old.)

    Me: “You know these are buy one, get one free? Would you like to go back and get another one?”

    Customer #1: *sighs loudly* “Oh, s***.” *sighs again* “Could you get it for me?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, it’s crazy today and there’s no way we could leave the registers. If you like, I can give you the discount, you can check out, and then go back and get another?”

    Customer #1: *sigh* “Is there anyone who could get me another one?”

    Me: *a little taken aback* “I’m really sorry, ma’am, but we are all really busy and there’s no one free.”

    Customer #1: *silence*

    Me: “Did you want to check out and then get another?”

    Customer #1: *yelling* “You know what? Forget it! My friend told me she had horrible customer service here, too. I don’t want another one!”

    Me: “…are you sure?”

    Customer #1: “YES!”

    Me: “All right, then.”

    (As I’m ringing her up, she continues to insult me and the business. A woman behind her says.)

    Customer #2: “You don’t have to shop here, ma’am.”

    Me: “All righty, here you go. Have a good one, ma’am.”

    (The little boy with her speaks up. We have a playground on our property for the kids while the adults are shopping.)

    Little Boy: “Can we go to the playground?”

    Customer #1: “NO! We’re not going to this playground. We’re going to find another playground.”

    (The boy immediately throws a huge tantrum, screaming and all. Nobody pays him any attention, looks at them strangely, or does much of anything. The woman looks at everyone and screams:)

    Customer #1: “HE’S DISABLED!!!!!”

    Customer #2: “Nobody said anything. I think you need an attitude adjustment!”

    (The woman grumbles and leaves. Later I find out from my coworker that the customer came up to her in the parking lot, told her that she got terrible service, and showed her the receipt with my name on it.)

    Coworker: “I was confused, because she said that the cashier was very rude. I saw your name and thought, ‘you’re not rude!'”

    (Several weeks later, the same customer shows up and just so happens to get into my line. This time, we’re selling cherries. We display them in small quart-sized wooden baskets. We dump the cherries into plastic grocery bags for weighing, and then reuse the wooden baskets to display more produce. The woman has brought some cherries up to the register. I pour the cherries into a plastic bag.)

    Customer #1: “I’d like to keep them in the basket.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we reuse the baskets. You can buy it for 50 cents.”

    Customer #1: “UGH!” *turning to the other customers* THIS is why I don’t shop here! They just want to gouge you! They already overcharge you for everything and wanna charge you for this basket! I hate this place!”

    Me: “Well, you don’t have to shop here, ma’am.”

    Customer #1: “I KNOW!”

    (All of the customers behind her were quite pleasant and stared at her in disbelief.)

    Make The Yule-tide Gay

    | Folkestone, England, UK |

    (I am browsing the Christmas cards. Next to me is a man also looking at the cards. He has two different ‘for my brother and his boyfriend at Christmas’ cards in his hand, deciding which one he wants. A woman walks past.)

    Woman: “Disgusting! They shouldn’t sell such filthy cards in this shop!”

    Man: “Um…”

    Woman: “It’s a sin! Political correctness gone mad! They should NOT be promoting queers!”

    Man: “Er…”

    Woman: “What sort of thing does that say to my children?”

    Man: “It would say that I would like to say ‘Merry Christmas’ to my brother and his wonderful boyfriend, whom the whole family adores, and it would teach them tolerance and understanding of others.”

    Woman: “Well!” *storms off*

    Man: *sweetly* “Merry Christmas!”

    Demands Are Reaching Breaking Point

    | Hartford, CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Holidays

    (It is Thanksgiving night and our store has been open for about four hours already. It’s been very busy and we have a much larger than normal team to oversee. A woman has approaches my coworker, asking about a certain item.)

    Coworker: “Well, I’m not sure. Let me find someone to ask.”

    (He calls on his walkie for that section and gets no response. I happen to be walking by when he stops me and asks if I know.)

    Me: “Sorry, I really don’t know at all. Who’s here right now?”

    (The guest meanders off a few feet looking at another display. We look at the schedule trying to find who is here and not on break since we all came in around the same time and by law need a 30-minute non-paid break.)

    Customer: “I just don’t understand what is taking so long. Why is it so d*** hard to find someone? Why can’t anyone just get this item for me?”

    (As this goes on my coworker is trying to get someone to answer on the walkie.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. But we can’t leave the front end because of how busy we are. If you can give me just a moment, please. I need to check the schedule before I can call someone. We’re just trying to find out who is here and not on break right now.”

    Customer: “Well why would they be on break?”

    Me: “We all came in around the same time to open the store tonight and we have to stagger our breaks, so I just need a moment to find out who is on the floor right now.”

    Customer: “I just don’t understand why the hell anyone would be on break! They’re here to work! Not to take a break! They need to get back to work! This is bad business!”

    Me: “Do you take a break at work?”

    Customer: *scoffs* “Well, of COURSE I do!”

    Me: “Then wouldn’t you think we should get a break, too?”

    Customer: “No! Not tonight! This is different! Why is no one able to help me!”

    (By some miracle, God smiles down on me and someone from a nearby section answers on the walkie and says to send the guest down.)

    Customer: “Finally! This shouldn’t have taken so f****** long! I’ll be calling corporate!”

    Me: “You do that. Happy Thanksgiving!”

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