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  • Category: Transportation

    Needs Oil On This Troubled Water

    | QLD, Australia | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Transportation

    (I watch a fancy BMW pull up to the entrance to the fuel station. An old rich-looking man gets out and walks into the store.)

    Me: “Hey, how’s it going?”

    Customer: “Yeah, good.”

    Me: “What can I help you with today?”

    Customer: “I need to get some oil for my car.”

    Me: “Yup, all of our oils are on the rack beside you.”

    Customer: “Can you tell me what oil I need for my car?”

    Me: “I don’t know sir, and I’m not allowed to recommend anything. Company policy.”

    Customer: “You’re a fuel station and you can’t recommend me the correct oil I need for my car?”

    Me: “That is correct, sir.”

    Customer: “Well, I think that is completely stupid.”

    (The customer grabs a random bottle of oil from rack and pays for it.)

    Customer: “I’ll use this one, and if it’s wrong I’ll come back and sue you.”

    Me: “And THAT is why we can’t recommend one for you, sir!”

    Stop, Look, Don’t Listen

    | Canada | Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

    (I am leaving work in an unmarked uniform as I have recently been promoted from security guard to dispatcher. I still often help out our employee-access gate guards as the access gate can be very busy. I’ve just left our dispatch center where I had called 911 for an ambulance shortly before. As I get to the gate, there is a non-employee who is dressed like a plumber waiting for his daughter to be brought out from our health center. I can also hear the ambulance approaching so I start providing traffic control to allow the ambulance quick access to the property.)

    Me: *to an employee coming in to work* “Step to the side, please!”

    (The employee continues to approach without stopping and the ambulance is now visible with its emergency lights flashing.)

    Me: “Step to the side. SIR, STEP TO THE SIDE SO THE AMBULANCE CAN GET IN.”

    (The employee runs forward, only stopping when the ambulance almost runs his foot over.)

    Me: *stopping the employee* “Excuse me. Did you not understand me?”

    Employee: “What do you mean?

    Me: “Did you not hear me telling you to stop, and motioning you to stay where you were to let the ambulance in?”

    Employee: “Yeah, and I f****** stopped, didn’t I?”

    Me: “No, you didn’t. I’ll ask you again. Did you not understand me?”

    Employee: “Yeah, well, you were saying one thing and motioning with your hands. It wasn’t very clear. Why should I have to stop anyway? I would have made it ahead of the ambulance!”

    Me: “I asked you to stop, and you didn’t stop. Is there something that makes you special so that you don’t have to stop for an ambulance on an emergency run? Can I see your ID card, please?”

    Employee: “No. Who the f*** are you, anyway?”

    (At this point, I let him see my company ID card with ‘Security and Loss Prevention’ written on it as my department.)

    Employee: “Well, you weren’t very clear with what you wanted. Now f****** let me get to work.”

    Me: “I asked for your ID card. Please give it to me.”

    Employee: No. You didn’t make yourself clear and I shouldn’t have had to stop anyway.”

    (The man waiting to pick his daughter up has been listening to this whole exchange and chimes in.)

    Man: “Actually, a**hole, he was very clear about what you wanted. You were just a little s*** who didn’t listen.”

    Employee: “F*** you. What the f*** do you want? You’re not involved here!”

    Man: “He was very clear about what he wanted you to do. You were just a snot-nosed little s***head who didn’t want to listen. You’ve been nothing but an a**hole during this entire exchange.”

    (At this point they are about ready to exchange blows and every security guard at the access post is ready to jump in. The man then reaches inside his shirt and pulls out his badge as well as pulling his ID card from his pocket.)

    Man: “If it was up to me, I would arrest your a** right now because you deserve it. I’m already having a bad day and snot-nosed little brats like you just make it worse. So you are going to shut up and walk through the metal detector and go to work. I will personally be calling your supervisor to tell them what a snot-nosed s***head you are and that you chose to disregard the very clear directions of park security.”

    (The employee immediately showed me his ID, and then turned around and went straight into work without ever saying another word. Turned out, the ‘plumber’ was a member of a local undercover drug squad who had been called off surveillance to pick his daughter up after she got sick.)

    Having A Multiple Light-Bulb Moment

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bigotry, Technology, Transportation

    (I am the manager at a very busy convenience store that also sells fuel. One particularly quiet afternoon, a customer pulls up and starts to remove every single light bulb from his car. I watch for a little while then go outside to see if I can be of any help.)

    Me: “G’day. A problem with your lights?”

    Customer: “Yeah, they all stopped working so I need new ones. You sell bulbs don’t you?”

    Me: “Yes, we do, but instead of removing them all may I make a suggestion?”

    Customer: “You? I doubt it, love. Girls don’t know anything about cars.”

    Me: *not the first time I have heard this* “No problem, I’ll be inside when you need the globes.”

    (The customer removes every light globe, indicator globe and even all the internal globes, puts them in a bag and comes inside to the counter.)

    Customer: “I’ll have one of each of these.”

    Me: “No problem.”

    (I proceed to get all of the globes he needed, including the not so cheap headlight globes. He pays for them, totaling approximately $45, and then goes back to his car and spends the next hour or so putting them in, with me watching from inside with a huge smile on my face. After he installs them all, he turns on the car, tries the lights, and none of them work. By this stage I have let it go far enough, so I grab a $0.45 blade fuse, go to his car, pop the bonnet, change the fuse, got him to try his lights, and wouldn’t you know it? They all now worked!)

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “Have a great day!*

    (Then I skipped back inside!)

    Will Need To Take A Different Beirut

    | Knoxville TN, USA | Geography, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

    (It is the late 1990s. A couple walk in. She is obviously Jewish, he not-so-much. As it turns out, he is a Lebanese Druze.)

    Female Customer: “We’d like airline tickets flying into Tel Aviv and back from Beirut.”

    Me: “Okay, let’s see what we can find.” *types into the computer* “Meanwhile, how will you get from Tel Aviv to Beirut?”

    Female Customer: “Oh, we plan to rent a car and drive.”

    Me: “I don’t think we’ll be able to find a rental car for that.”

    Male Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Well, right now the Israeli-Lebanese border is a war zone.”

    Some Customers Are Ice Cold

    | WI, USA | Bad Behavior, Transportation

    (I’m a delivery driver. Within my first week I’ve had people treat me poorly. One very blizzard-y Saturday I deliver to a young lady. Her driveway is a hill and very icy. My car won’t make it up. She finally hears me and comes out. I make the journey up the hill and slip and fall.)

    Customer: “I apologize for not salting my driveway.”

    Me: “No problem. Just sign the receipt here.”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t have a pen. Could you grab one from your car?”

    (I go to get it, climb up the driveway, and slip and fall again. She signs it, with no tip or apology. I get back to my car to realize I forgot her soda. As much as I wanted to just drive back to the store, I knew I had to get her that soda. I climb up the driveway one last time, slipping and falling again. She answers the door all surprised but then sees the soda.)

    Customer: “Oh yeah, thanks.”

    (She grabbed it and shut the door in my face.)

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