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    Category: Transportation

    Will Need To Take A Different Beirut

    | Knoxville TN, USA | Geography, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

    (It is the late 1990s. A couple walk in. She is obviously Jewish, he not-so-much. As it turns out, he is a Lebanese Druze.)

    Female Customer: “We’d like airline tickets flying into Tel Aviv and back from Beirut.”

    Me: “Okay, let’s see what we can find.” *types into the computer* “Meanwhile, how will you get from Tel Aviv to Beirut?”

    Female Customer: “Oh, we plan to rent a car and drive.”

    Me: “I don’t think we’ll be able to find a rental car for that.”

    Male Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Well, right now the Israeli-Lebanese border is a war zone.”

    Some Customers Are Ice Cold

    | WI, USA | Bad Behavior, Transportation

    (I’m a delivery driver. Within my first week I’ve had people treat me poorly. One very blizzard-y Saturday I deliver to a young lady. Her driveway is a hill and very icy. My car won’t make it up. She finally hears me and comes out. I make the journey up the hill and slip and fall.)

    Customer: “I apologize for not salting my driveway.”

    Me: “No problem. Just sign the receipt here.”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t have a pen. Could you grab one from your car?”

    (I go to get it, climb up the driveway, and slip and fall again. She signs it, with no tip or apology. I get back to my car to realize I forgot her soda. As much as I wanted to just drive back to the store, I knew I had to get her that soda. I climb up the driveway one last time, slipping and falling again. She answers the door all surprised but then sees the soda.)

    Customer: “Oh yeah, thanks.”

    (She grabbed it and shut the door in my face.)

    Driven Over The Edge

    , | TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Transportation, Wild & Unruly

    (My mother and I are entering a parking lot with the intent to go shopping when a large blue truck turns down the wrong lane and cuts us off. Trying to be courteous, my mom hurries to park in the nearest lot to allow him through. He sits there instead.)

    Driver: “F****** b**** driver.”

    Mom: “Excuse me?”

    Driver: “Yeah, I’m talking to you. You f****** b****es need to learn how to drive. You were going way too f****** fast down that lane and you almost hit me!”

    Mom: “I most certainly did not! You cut me off.”

    Driver: “The f*** I did, you b****! You cut ME off! I ought to slam the s*** out of your car, you f***.”

    Me: *getting angry* “Hey, inbred, I dare you.”

    Driver: *noticing me* “F*** you, you ugly w****!

    (He jerks his wheel toward us like he’s about to ram us and I stand my ground.)

    Me: “What was that about running our car over?”

    Driver: “Yeah, you keep talking, w****. I’m about to get out and f*** you up!”

    Me: “Try it.”

    (He hasn’t noticed this whole time that he’s in a parking lot full of witnesses and that one of these witnesses has gone in to get the police officer who acts as lot security. He’s outside listening, silently moving up along the truck waiting for the guy to do something.)

    Driver: “B****! Keep talking, you fat f*** skank b****. Need to f****** learn the right of way.”

    Me: “Buddy, from what I see, you’re just running your lip and making a moron out of yourself. Instead of turning into a larger humiliation, maybe you should drive on and shut up.”

    Driver: “F*** YOU!”

    (The driver again jerks his wheel and almost slams into the car parked near us.)

    Driver: “I’m going to f*** your face up, you c***!”

    (He climbs out of his truck and BAM! He’s instantly against the side of his truck with his arms behind his back, because the officer grabs hold of him once he’s stepped down.)

    Cop: “That’s assault, attempted assault, we’ll slap in attempted vehicular manslaughter if you open your mouth again, and on top of that driving while intoxicated. Thank you, ladies. Have a nice day!”

    Needs To Pour Oil Over Troubled Water

    | LA, USA | Bigotry, Extra Stupid, Technology, Transportation

    Customer: “I need to know where the motor oil is.”

    (I tell her, but she comes back to the counter with a bottle of transmission fluid.)

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s not oil. It’s transmission fluid.”

    Customer: “What do you know about it? You’re a girl. Just ring me up.”

    (I ring her up. She pays and goes outside, pops the hood of her car, and gets on the phone. Two minutes later, she’s back.)

    Customer: “I needed oil. You sold me the wrong thing. I need to exchange this.”

    Me: “Okay. Do you need some help? It’s slow. I can do this for you.”

    Customer: “What, do you think you know about cars? I’m on the phone with my husband and he knows more about it than you do. Just do the d*** exchange so I can get some oil.”

    (I do the exchange. She comes back up with oil.)

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s 50 weight. You don’t want that, you want 40 weight.”

    Customer: “This is what my husband said to get.”

    Me: “Oookay. Are you sure you wouldn’t like me to help?”

    Customer: “No. You’re a girl and you don’t know what you’re talking about. My husband works for [Company] and he knows way more about it than some clerk!”

    Me: “Well, maybe he does, Ma’am, but he’s not here.”

    Customer: “Just ring me up.”

    Me: “Okay, if you’re sure you don’t need help.”

    Customer: “I don’t need your help.”

    Me: “Yes, Ma’am. You have a nice day, now.”

    Customer: “Whatever.”

    (I watch through the front window as she went back to her SUV and smugly poured her oil… into her radiator. I wonder what her husband said when her engine blew up halfway across the causeway.)

    A Significant Flight Risk

    | Honolulu, HI, USA | At The Checkout, Love/Romance, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

    (I work in a very touristy part of town and we have a lot of flight attendants who stop through the store. I see a guy and help him at the computer. This guy is close to 60.)

    Me: “So you just click here and it should be good.”

    Customer: “Oh, thank you. Say, where are you from?”

    Me: “The Philippines.”

    Customer: “Oh, my friend met his wife there. He basically waited outside of the college she was attending everyday and finally convinced him to go out with her. She eventually said yes. I’ve been there a few times since I’m a flight attendant. Beautiful women you know.”

    Me: “That’s nice. I’m gonna go help out some other people. Ask me if you have other questions.”

    (I loop around a couple more times around the store answering questions. He flags me down.)

    Customer: “Marry me and you’ll fly for free.”

    Me: “Ha ha. That’s the same line my friend’s dad used 30 years ago on his wife.”

    Customer: “Well, it’s a good line.”

    Me: “I think I’ll pass, but thank you anyway.”

    (I loop around the store again, and start demonstrating a product features. I see him lingering in the back waiting for me to finish.)

    Customer: “Thank you for helping me out tonight. You’re really sweet. Here’s my card.”

    Me: “Uh. Thanks.”

    (The card said, “You’re really charming and here’s my number. Let’s meet for drinks after work.” I never called, but he came back a few weeks later asking for help with his phone from my coworker. His phone background was a picture of some woman’s breasts. Gross.)

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