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    Category: Transportation

    Happily Single Minded

    | Sewell, NJ, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (While working at the DMV, I overhear the following conversation between a mother and her teenage daughter applying for her driver’s license.)

    Daughter: “My birth certificate asks if I’m single?”

    Mother: *reads birth certificate*

    Daughter: “Why is it asking if I’m single?”

    Mother: “Seriously? Think about it.”

    Daughter: *after pausing for a few moments in deep thought* “Oh, right. I guess there’s arranged marriages.”

    Mother: “… It means you weren’t born a twin.”

    Not On Par With An Emergency

    | Perth, WA, Australia | Crazy Requests, Transportation

    (I’m a receptionist for a car dealership with repair departments as well as sales. Only sales are open on a Saturday, with all repairs locked up over the weekend.)

    Me: “Good morning! This is [Business Name]. How can I help you?

    Caller: *sounding flustered and upset* “Thank God. Put me onto service.”

    Me: “The service department is actually closed on the weekend. Can I take a message for Monday?”

    Caller: “No, you don’t understand. My car got brought in yesterday and I need to get my things out.”

    Me: “Did you arrange anything with the staff during the week? Maybe they left it at reception for you.”

    Caller: “No, I didn’t!”

    Me: “Oh. Well. It will have to wait until Monday. Everything is locked up to keep the cars and contents safe.”

    Caller: “Don’t you understand? This is urgent! Can’t you unlock it for me?”

    Me: “I don’t have the keys. Only the managers of that department do.”

    Caller: “Well, why the h*** are they closed? Make them come to work to open everything up!”

    Me: “I can’t do that, sir. This is their time off.”

    Caller: “But this is an EMERGENCY!”

    (This goes on for sometime, and the caller is getting more and more upset. I figure it must be really important to cause such a fuss – something like medicine, or formula for a small child.)

    Me: “Tell you what. Give me your number and I’ll try and sort something out.”

    Caller: “Thank you! This is so important. This is an emergency. You need to get someone in.”

    (I try to sort it out, but I can’t. He’s going to have to wait until Monday. I call him back.)

    Me: “Hello. Is this [Name]? I’m so sorry, but it’s completely impossible.”

    Caller: “But it’s an emergency!”

    Me: “I know. I’m sorry, but no one here has the keys and none of the managers can come in.”

    Caller: “Do you realise how urgent this is? I am going to have to use the RENTAL CLUBS.”

    Me: “… Excuse me?”

    Caller: “I am going golfing with friends today at [ludicrously expensive golf course]! Do you know how embarrassing it will be for me to use rental clubs?”

    Me: “You mean to tell me you wanted me to get managers, who work thirteen-hour days all week, to come in because you don’t want to use RENTED GOLF CLUBS?”

    Caller: “You see!? It’s an emergency!”

    Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum, Part 5

    | MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (I work at a very popular car wash. On a busy day, we can reach a volume of over a thousand customers. We only have five vacuums, which are free during business hours, and $1.00 after close. Due to wet paint, we close one vacuum, which includes shutting the power to that individual vacuum off completely, posting signs on the vacuum AND on the trash can which we placed in front of it, and taping it off. Despite this, a customer attempts to use it anyway. It won’t turn on, so she walks up to the building.)

    Customer: “May I have change for a dollar?”

    Me: *knowing why she’s asking* “Of course, but are you needing change for a vacuum?”

    Customer: *points to the one that’s closed* “Yes! That vacuum won’t turn on!”

    Me: “That’s because it’s been shut off.”

    Customer: “But I need to vacuum out my car. I already parked there and got out and walked all the way over here!”

    Me: “There are signs that say it’s out of order.”

    Customer: “I didn’t see them!”

    Me: “You didn’t see that it’s been cordoned off, the trash can in front of it to prevent people from parking there, or the signs that state ‘Out of Order’?”

    Customer: “You know what?! I’ll go somewhere else!”

    Me: “Have a nice day!”

    Related:
    Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum, Part 4
    Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum, Part 3
    Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum, Part 2

    This Bus Is Going Dune Town

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Transportation

    (I am on my way home from a video game convention. I am dressed up like Link from Legend of Zelda. It’s about 11:30 at night.)

    Bus Driver: “That woman is a ‘Bene Gesserit’ witch. You’ve read Dune, right?”

    Passenger #1: “No.”

    Me: “I am the ‘Kwisatz Haderach!’”

    Passenger #2: “Who said that?”

    Me: “I did. Link said that.”

    Passenger #2: *pause* “That’s fair.”

    Nothing Worth Mentioning

    | Whitehorse, YT, Canada | Money, Transportation

    (A man brings his minivan in to our shop for a suspected power steering leak. He is not sure exactly what’s leaking, but he saw a lot of red fluid underneath his car. After the mechanic finds the leak I call the customer.)

    Me: “We found that one of the hoses was starting to crack at a bend. The dealer is the only one that has this part available in town. The part is $185, the labour for replacing the hose is rated at an hour which is $110, the diagnosis time is $49, taxes etc. will bring the total repair to $368.00.”

    Customer: “I understand the part and the labour costs, but I don’t necessarily see the need for a diagnosis. Couldn’t you have found out what was leaking without diagnosing it? That’s $50 for nothing, really.”

    Me: “Well… we could replace all the power steering parts for about $2500, or we could find out exactly what is leaking and just fix that. What would you prefer?”

    (He opted for the $368.00 repair that included a ‘$50 for nothing, really’ diagnosis.)


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