Category: Transportation

Needs To Be Coached On Buses

| Reykjavik, Iceland | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

Me: “These are your tickets, the bus is right out here—” *gestures to the door with a HUGE departures sign over it* “—and it will be marked with the tour name in the front window.”

Customer: “Thank you.” *the customer walks away, turns around and walks back to me* “Sorry, which bus is it?”

Me: “The bus is right out there and it’s the only one out on the lot.”

Customer: “Thank you.”

(Again he walks off, he walks out into the lot stares at THE ONLY BUS that’s there and then walks back to me.)

Customer: “Sorry, what number will be on the bus?”

Me: “The bus has the tour name in the front window and it’s the only bus departing at the moment.”

(The customer walked off for the third time, walked towards the bus, walked around the bus, and had almost walked off, when the driver caught up with him and escorted him onto the bus.)

Sub-par Subway Humor

| Washington, D.C., USA | Hotels & Lodging, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

(A man and his nervous looking wife approach.)

Man: “Hello, we’d like to get information on how to ride the subway around?”

Me: “Sure. To ride the subway you have to purchase a ticket from the machine there.”

Wife: “It’s safe around here, isn’t it?”

Me: “Of course.”

Wife: “I don’t believe it!”

Man: “Honey, it is perfectly fine.”

Me: *deciding to kid her* “Actually, you must be careful. Sometimes the subway trains will spit you out if you don’t board them fast!”

(The man starts laughing and his wife looks like she might faint.)

Me: “I’m kidding. They don’t do that!”

Wife: *not listening* “I’m going home!” *runs off*

Me: *to man* “Gee, good thing I didn’t say anything about the ticket price. Now, that’s scary.”

(He stopped laughing.)

A Cab Will Just Go And Go And Chicago

| Dallas, TX, USA | Geography, Hotels & Lodging, Transportation

Guest: “Can you call me a cab to take me to O’Hare?”

Front Desk: “Sure, but you might want to consider flying there since you’re in Dallas.”

Guest: “Oh, yeah. I forgot.”

Driven To Make A Mis-Steak

| Princeton, NJ, USA | Crazy Requests, Transportation

(Our family walks into a nice steakhouse at two in the afternoon, due to weather and personal delays. Fortunately, they are still serving customers. A large car is outside of the door, its engine still running. As we are waiting to be seated, an older gentleman walks up to the maître d’.)

Old Customer: “Is your valet usually this busy?”

Host: “I’m sorry?”

Old Customer: “My car has been sitting outside for almost an hour now and it’s still there! He must have been very busy running around parking and fetching cars. Make sure you pay him better. It’s very cold outside right now.”

Host: “Sir, I’m sorry, but we don’t offer valet parking services for lunch hours. Valet service is only available for dinner.”

Old Customer: “Oh… I left my keys in my car!”

(The old gentleman quickly walked out and parked his car. He returned a few minutes later and thanked the host. Good thing this was a relatively safe neighborhood!)

She’s A Million Miles From Reality

| Clovis, NM, USA | Transportation

(I’m sitting in the back seat as a kid test drives a car, deciding if it would be a good fit for him while he’s at college. His mother is in the passenger seat.)

Mother: “So, this car only has 6,000 miles on it?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Mother: “That seems low for a three-year-old car.”

Me: “I wasn’t here when they took this in trade, so I don’t know its story, but it is pretty low. That’s what makes it such a bargain!”

Mother: “How do we know the odometer hasn’t rolled over once?”

Me: “Um, it’s a six-digit odometer, ma’am.”

Mother: “So?! What does that have to do with anything?”

Kid: “Mom! Someone would have to drive it over a million miles!”

Me: *jokingly* “And if it’s got 1,006,000 miles on it and still running, you know it’s reliable at least!”

(They didn’t buy the car.)

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