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    Category: Transportation

    Lawless And Clueless

    | FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Transportation

    (I work as a receptionist at a retirement home.)

    Resident #1: “I want you to call the police right away.”

    Me: “Um. May I ask why?”

    Resident #1: “I called for a taxi and it still isn’t here. I want the police to arrest the driver.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry about your wait but I don’t think the police should be involved with something like that.”

    Resident #1: “I don’t care. I’m a very important person. I have connections. Call the police.”

    Me: “Why don’t I call the taxi company to see where it is? I mean, it’s not like the driver can break traffic laws just to pick you up.”

    Resident #1: “I am above the law. With one word I can get this whole company shut down. I can—”

    Resident #2: *slowly walks up to desk with walker* “Is that your taxi outside?”

    Resident #1: “Ah, yes. Goodbye.”

    Resident #2: *waits until the first resident leaves* “What a b****.”

    Returns From The Dead

    , | Pasadena, MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Technology, Transportation

    (At the auto parts store I work for we offer free battery charging for any car/truck/boat batteries as long as they do not test bad.)

    Customer: “I’d like to get this battery charged please.”

    Me: “Okay, let me just test it real quick.”

    (This battery looks like crap, but it’s not leaking so I go ahead and test it.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but this battery is not good. It has a bad cell in it. I can’t charge it.”

    Customer: “What do you mean it’s bad?! This battery is pretty much new. You need to charge anyway.”

    Me: “Not gonna happen. It is actually dangerous if I try to charge this.”

    Customer: “I demand you charge this right NOW!”

    Me: “No. Your battery is dead; no amount of charging is going to bring it back. You will need to get a replacme—”

    Customer: “I SAID, CHARGE IT!”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Well, I demand to—”

    Me: “I am the manager. I will NOT charge this battery. It has a bad cell, and there is no way this battery is anywhere near new. Judging by the inch worth of grease around the case and the ungodly level of corrosion on the terminals, I would say this battery is at least 7-8 years old. And If I were to attempt to charge this over sized paperweight, there is a chance it could explode and cause serious damage to the people around it.”

    Customer: “But—”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “But—”

    Me: “Not happening.”

    Customer: “Crap… but I can’t afford a new battery.”

    Me: “Look, give me a chance to check the back. We do have a used battery program, and I may have one in stock.”

    (I walk in the back and find a used battery that fits the customer’s car.)

    Me: “I found this one in the back. Now it is classified as used, but that just means that someone returned a battery with no problems to it, but we can no longer sell it new.”

    Customer: *brightens* “Really? How much?”

    Me: “$43.”

    Customer: “Really? That’s great! I was worried that I was going to have to spend hundreds on a new battery. Thank you so much!” *buys battery and leaves*

    Me: *to coworker* “Why do people always demand we bring dead things back to life?”

    Coworker: “I don’t know, but let me know when you figure out how to do that.”

    Trying To Stamp Out Stupid

    | West Hartford, CT, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Top, Transportation

    (I am friendly with our neighborhood postal delivery lady, and always chat with her when taking the dog out for his afternoon walk. She was telling me about the new neighbors that just moved in.)

    Postal Lady: “Hey, how are you doing?”

    Me: “Good. Yourself?”

    Postal Lady: “I tell you, I have to deal with some pretty stupid people on my job. You’re going to like this. Do you know where the new neighbors just moved in?” *points to the house*

    Me: “Yeah. What about them?”

    Postal Lady: “Well, the other day, when I was when I was delivering their mail, the lady came screaming, waving her arms, running out of her house, because she wanted to ask me if she wants to mail something what does she need to do.”

    Me: “Okay…”

    Postal Lady: “So I tell her if she puts something in the mailbox, just put the flag up. Then she asked, ‘What flag? You never gave me a flag!’ So I showed her, by moving it up and down. She responded, ‘I don’t think that you are very intelligent. That is NOT a flag. A flag is a piece of fabric on a pole. This is just piece of plastic!’”

    (I start laughing.)

    Postal Lady: “Wait, it gets better. Today, when I delivered her mail, the ‘flag’ was up. And in it I found this:”

    (She showed me an envelope with a hand written address, and where the stamp should have been was a square that read ‘First Class Mail: No Stamp Needed of Mail in the USA’ that was cut out of a piece of junk mail and taped on to the envelope.)

    Needs Oil On This Troubled Water

    | QLD, Australia | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Transportation

    (I watch a fancy BMW pull up to the entrance to the fuel station. An old rich-looking man gets out and walks into the store.)

    Me: “Hey, how’s it going?”

    Customer: “Yeah, good.”

    Me: “What can I help you with today?”

    Customer: “I need to get some oil for my car.”

    Me: “Yup, all of our oils are on the rack beside you.”

    Customer: “Can you tell me what oil I need for my car?”

    Me: “I don’t know sir, and I’m not allowed to recommend anything. Company policy.”

    Customer: “You’re a fuel station and you can’t recommend me the correct oil I need for my car?”

    Me: “That is correct, sir.”

    Customer: “Well, I think that is completely stupid.”

    (The customer grabs a random bottle of oil from rack and pays for it.)

    Customer: “I’ll use this one, and if it’s wrong I’ll come back and sue you.”

    Me: “And THAT is why we can’t recommend one for you, sir!”

    Stop, Look, Don’t Listen

    | Canada | Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

    (I am leaving work in an unmarked uniform as I have recently been promoted from security guard to dispatcher. I still often help out our employee-access gate guards as the access gate can be very busy. I’ve just left our dispatch center where I had called 911 for an ambulance shortly before. As I get to the gate, there is a non-employee who is dressed like a plumber waiting for his daughter to be brought out from our health center. I can also hear the ambulance approaching so I start providing traffic control to allow the ambulance quick access to the property.)

    Me: *to an employee coming in to work* “Step to the side, please!”

    (The employee continues to approach without stopping and the ambulance is now visible with its emergency lights flashing.)

    Me: “Step to the side. SIR, STEP TO THE SIDE SO THE AMBULANCE CAN GET IN.”

    (The employee runs forward, only stopping when the ambulance almost runs his foot over.)

    Me: *stopping the employee* “Excuse me. Did you not understand me?”

    Employee: “What do you mean?

    Me: “Did you not hear me telling you to stop, and motioning you to stay where you were to let the ambulance in?”

    Employee: “Yeah, and I f****** stopped, didn’t I?”

    Me: “No, you didn’t. I’ll ask you again. Did you not understand me?”

    Employee: “Yeah, well, you were saying one thing and motioning with your hands. It wasn’t very clear. Why should I have to stop anyway? I would have made it ahead of the ambulance!”

    Me: “I asked you to stop, and you didn’t stop. Is there something that makes you special so that you don’t have to stop for an ambulance on an emergency run? Can I see your ID card, please?”

    Employee: “No. Who the f*** are you, anyway?”

    (At this point, I let him see my company ID card with ‘Security and Loss Prevention’ written on it as my department.)

    Employee: “Well, you weren’t very clear with what you wanted. Now f****** let me get to work.”

    Me: “I asked for your ID card. Please give it to me.”

    Employee: No. You didn’t make yourself clear and I shouldn’t have had to stop anyway.”

    (The man waiting to pick his daughter up has been listening to this whole exchange and chimes in.)

    Man: “Actually, a**hole, he was very clear about what you wanted. You were just a little s*** who didn’t listen.”

    Employee: “F*** you. What the f*** do you want? You’re not involved here!”

    Man: “He was very clear about what he wanted you to do. You were just a snot-nosed little s***head who didn’t want to listen. You’ve been nothing but an a**hole during this entire exchange.”

    (At this point they are about ready to exchange blows and every security guard at the access post is ready to jump in. The man then reaches inside his shirt and pulls out his badge as well as pulling his ID card from his pocket.)

    Man: “If it was up to me, I would arrest your a** right now because you deserve it. I’m already having a bad day and snot-nosed little brats like you just make it worse. So you are going to shut up and walk through the metal detector and go to work. I will personally be calling your supervisor to tell them what a snot-nosed s***head you are and that you chose to disregard the very clear directions of park security.”

    (The employee immediately showed me his ID, and then turned around and went straight into work without ever saying another word. Turned out, the ‘plumber’ was a member of a local undercover drug squad who had been called off surveillance to pick his daughter up after she got sick.)

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