Category: Transportation

She’s A Million Miles From Reality

| Clovis, NM, USA | Transportation

(I’m sitting in the back seat as a kid test drives a car, deciding if it would be a good fit for him while he’s at college. His mother is in the passenger seat.)

Mother: “So, this car only has 6,000 miles on it?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Mother: “That seems low for a three-year-old car.”

Me: “I wasn’t here when they took this in trade, so I don’t know its story, but it is pretty low. That’s what makes it such a bargain!”

Mother: “How do we know the odometer hasn’t rolled over once?”

Me: “Um, it’s a six-digit odometer, ma’am.”

Mother: “So?! What does that have to do with anything?”

Kid: “Mom! Someone would have to drive it over a million miles!”

Me: *jokingly* “And if it’s got 1,006,000 miles on it and still running, you know it’s reliable at least!”

(They didn’t buy the car.)

Shocked You Say No To Firing On His Say So

| AB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Transportation

(I am a safety person for a local road building company. A part of my job is to take complaint calls from the public and to sort out incidents. It should be noted that we have a fleet of roughly 200 pickup trucks for foremen and crews. The only thing these trucks all have in common is they are white and have the company logo on each side of the vehicle. They can each be identified by the plate number and the unit number marked on the side.)

Me: “Good afternoon, [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

(There is some unintelligible ranting on the other end, like the caller is talking to someone else.)

Me: “Hello? This is [My Name] in Safety here. Can I help you?”

Irate Caller: “Yeah! One of your f****** guys is driving like a f****** idiot! What kind of f****** morons do you losers hire?! You need to fire this f***** NOW!”

Me: “I’m very sorry you are experiencing problems with one of our crew members. If you can relay me some information so that I may identify the unit and the driver, I can investigate into this matter and have it dealt with. What exactly was he doing?”

Irate Caller: “It’s a f****** white truck on [Street]. He pulled up onto the f****** curb and parked on the f****** grass!”

(Being in road construction, this is actually quite common for when workers need to do surveying, take measurements, etc. on sites we have or will be working on, if there is no other safe place to stop or park in the area.)

Me: “Well, sir. That is actually a common practice.”

Irate Caller: “He cut me off! And flipped me off! And he’s tearing up the grass!”

Me: “All right, I’m sorry, sir. But I will need a bit more information than that it was a white truck, then. Do you have the plate number, or were you able to see the unit number? It would be visible on either side of the truck.”

Irate Caller: “You f****** losers don’t even know where your f****** guys are?! What the f*** is wrong with you?!”

Me: “Once again, sir, I am very sorry, but we currently have about 10 job sites open all over the city and about 200 white company vehicles in operation at this time. To identify the specific driver you are having problems with, I need more information.”

Irate Caller: “If I give you more info will you fire his a**?!”

Me: “I’m afraid disciplinary action is not within my responsibilities. I would be able to identify who is currently assigned this vehicle, track his trucks GPS to see how erratically he is driving and if he is supposed to be at the location you’ve identified, from there I can inform his supervisor and they will then determine what action should be taken. Whether it be a need for training, a suspension, or possibly termination.”

Irate Caller: “What the f***?! Just fire his a**!”

Me: “Again, sir. I’m afraid it doesn’t work quite that way. And even so, you have not provided me with any information to identify the driver.”

Irate Caller: “F*** you!! You’re all f****** losers! You’ll be out of business in a month!”

Me: “Well actually… Our season is slowing down for the year, and we will likely be closing operations within a month or two, weather depending… However, we are prepared to gear up for next season in full force! Lots of work to be done!”

Irate Caller: “F*** you!” *hangs up*

Parking Back And Forth

| Seattle, WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

Caller: “I’m leaving from your downtown terminal next week and I wanted to know if there is parking there.”

Me: “Sure! We have a small lot on our property, where you’re welcome to park if there is a spot available. There’s also a city lot, right out front, where you can park for about 3 days. And lastly, there is a pay parking lot at the office building just north of us.”

Caller: *impatiently* “I just wanted to know if there was parking there.”

Me: “Okay, great.” *thinking his question was already answered by the list of parking options*

Caller: “…so, is there?”

Interlocked Into That Price

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Transportation

(A customer comes in who has an “interlock” on his car, which is a system the courts here put on cars of people who get convicted of drink driving. The interlock will only allow the driver to start their car once they blow in a breath test and get a nil alcohol reading. I am nearly finished checking this customer’s car in when he advises me of this.)

Customer: “Yeah, so, my car has an interlock on it, just so you know”.

Me: “Ah, ok. Well, thanks for letting us know and due to this there will be an additional $25 fee on top of your parking total”.

Customer: “What?! That’s ridiculous! Why?”

Me: “Because, sir, due to the interlock you will have to park your car yourself in our facility and our staff will be unable to move your car at all until you return, which does make it harder for us to get to any other cars behind yours.”

(Customers has a grumble about this, and asks to speak to my supervisor, who tells him the exact same thing I have.)

Customer: “Why can’t you just blow in my interlock when you need to move it? Are you afraid you’ll get a positive reading? Do you drink at work or something?”

Supervisor: “No, sir. Not that that is your business but I DON’T drink at work and I will NOT blow into your interlock for OH&S reasons.”

(Customer finally agrees to pay the $25 fee but has to have the last word.)

Customer: “I think this is ridiculous; you guys certainly know how to milk the money out of people!”

Me: “Well, I guess it just doesn’t pay to drink and drive, does it, mate?”

Putting The Brakes On This Conversation

| USA | Family & Kids, Transportation

(It’s a snowy Saturday morning. I am waiting in line, directly behind a young woman and her little boy, who looks to be about six years old. The cashier is being friendly with him, and he is telling her all about the toy that was just purchased for him. His mother tells him it’s time to go, and then:)

Cashier: “Have a great day and drive safely!”

Mom: “Have a nice day.”

Boy: “We WILL drive safely.” *pause* “Unless Mom goes like ‘aaaahh!’” *mimes looking shocked and stepping on the brakes*

Mom: “[Boy]!” *hastily rushes him out of the store as I snicker*

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