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    Crime Can Be A Vicious Cycle

    | London, England, UK | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (A couple of weeks ago the bicycle that I had owned since I was eight years old was stolen, right outside my shop. I was at work at the time and the CCTV we have can’t pin the culprit as he was in a blind spot. The police have been as unsuccessful as well. As my only method of transport, I have to go by foot which takes 40 minutes. I’m behind the counter one day, when…)

    Customer: “Excuse me, can I park my bicycle in here? Some guy got his stolen the other week so I don’t want to take any chances.”

    Me: “Sure, just park it up by the counter and I’ll—”

    (Before I can finish, the customer brings the cycle — MY CYCLE — in and rests it against the counter.)

    Me: “—k-keep an eye on it for you.”

    (The second the customer turns around the corner, I’m on the phone to my manager to ring the police. When he comes out of the office he notices the cycle and is just as baffled as me.)

    Manager: “What’s going on here?”

    Me: “A gentlemen just came in with this. He’s gone into the produce aisle but I’m certain that he’s the thief.”

    Manager: “Right. You stay here. I’ll speak to him.”

    (Without another word, my now-furious manager had rounded the corner and gone to have a word with the gentlemen in question. Not a second later I could hear swearing at the top of the gentlemen’s lungs as he came running down the same aisle and reached for my bike. My instinct kicked in and I held on to the back wheel as much as I could as he shouted for me to ‘f*****g let go’. He gave up sooner than anticipated as my manager charged at him, so he sprinted for the door. However, the police were waiting outside for him, and in a flurry of swearwords the crook was brought to the ground and arrested there and then. How did I know it was my bicycle? The dingus had forgotten to remove my water bottle which was attached to the frame and had my name on it! I guess crime doesn’t pay!)

    When You Know It’s Time To Re-Tire

    | Boston, MA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (My car has suddenly died with no warning, and I manage to get it pulled to the side of the road before I lose momentum. I call AAA to request a tow, and, since it’s absolutely pouring and I’m on a street running through a park (no houses or shops), I sit in my car while I wait – for over an hour and a half. When the driver shows up, it’s the same guy who always comes to haul my car away when it misbehaves (now four times in three years), so we joke with each other a bit.)

    Driver: “Man, if I’d known it was you sitting here waiting I would’ve told the last lady she could suck it!”

    Me: *surprised* “Why? What was wrong with her car?”

    Driver: “She called it in as multiple flat tires, and when I got there, you know what it was?”

    Me: “No…?”

    Driver: “They were just really bald and she was afraid to drive it in this rain! She had me tow her home!”

    Me: “Let me guess. Luxury car.”

    Driver: “Got it in one.”

    (So, lady who wasted that guy’s time and made me even later for work, may you have an actual problem someday and have to wait – and wait – and WAIT!)

    Desist The Tourist Assist

    , | Bali, Indonesia | Comics Single, Health & Body, Tourists/Travel, Transportation, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m Indonesian and I live in an area where there are lots of tourists. Being Bali itself, there are barely any traffic laws enforced and lots of tourists tend to rent out scooters and treat them like toys. I’m turning into my favorite restaurant at a T-junction with no red light and my blinkers on, and today I felt like being extra cautious since the scooter I borrowed is my friend’s. I slow down and see a tourist and her son far away in the opposite direction but as I cross from the other side of the street, I see her actually speed up in her attempt to pass me when clearly there is a hump coming up. It’s rainy season so the roads are wet and of course when she tries to brake while going 40 miles/hour the bike violently slides. I am watching the whole thing since I have already parked my motorbike. Luckily no one was badly hurt.)

    Me: “Are you all right, lady?”

    Tourist: “This is your fault, you stupid girl! That was an illegal turn!”

    Me: “Well, no, that wasn’t illegal. This is a two-way road.”

    Tourist: “You apologize and you go pay for my bike!”

    Me: “No, you were going too fast on rainy day. I had my blinkers on and clearly about to turn in. I saw you and you were far away.”

    Tourist: “I don’t care! I have an international license!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but that doesn’t mean anything, especially when you drive like that! I’m sorry this happened though. I suggest you go to the mechanics. They’ll fix up the scratches and it’s really cheap. Don’t go to the place where you rented the bike or they’ll make you pay $100.”

    Tourist: “So you admit it? It’s your fault!”

    Me: “I meant sorry this had to happen to you, not sorry my bad. Lady, I did nothing wrong. In fact I was actually trying to help you out!”

    Tourist: “No, this is your fault! You owe me money! YOU OWE ME MONEY!”

    (I look at the bike, it’s brand new but with a few scratches because of the crash. While the argument just goes back and forth, her son is clearly huddled under a tree crying and also he was wearing NO helmet while riding on the back with his mother.)

    Tourist: “THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! WHY DID YOU DO THAT? YOU OWE ME MONEY OR I’LL CALL THE COPS!”

    Me: “Lady, go ahead. I’m not worried. But clearly the money seems more important to you than your son who could be injured.”

    (She looks at her son who is in shock. She asks him if he’s all right and takes a second to check for any bleeding and then goes back to me.)

    Me: “If you’d like I can point you towards the closest hospital or clinic.”

    Tourist: “NO! You owe me money! You are just a stupid girl! I’m calling the cops! Give me your address, phone number, and the money!”

    Me: “Lady, I have no money! Not on me and certainly not enough in the bank and if I did I wouldn’t give any of it to you! I’ve offered to go to the mechanics with you but I’m not paying a cent for your own negligence! I’m a painter, lady! I’m broke!”

    Tourist: “Well, I’m broke, too!”

    Me:” Right, you’re so broke you rented a brand new bike during your vacation in Bali. Here let me call the police for you.”

    (At this point I decided to call my boyfriend’s mom, a cop who is head of the district we’re in. As I’m calling I began to tear up a bit from all the frustration. I wait on the phone for a good five minutes until the tourist gave up and asked me for my number to show her a good mechanic. And after that full hour of arguing, she didn’t even feel it important enough follow through on the mechanic BECAUSE SHE WAS LATE FOR A MASSAGE!)

    Knocked Back By An Explosion Of Ignorance

    | MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Transportation

    (Obviously at a gas station, most people know that gas is flammable and it’s dangerous to leave your car running while pumping gas. When we see a car running we are supposed to shut off the pump and tell them to turn off their vehicles so they can resume fueling the vehicle. Most do it; some fought about it.)

    Me: *shut off a pump and talk over the intercom* “Ma’am, on pump nine, in the black car, can you please turn off your vehicle so I can restart the pump?”

    (I watch the customer continue to try and pump gas, ignoring me. I tell her two more times to turn off the car before she finally hangs up the pump and comes in.)

    Customer: “I have pump nine. $2.83. And I couldn’t turn off my car because I had my kid in there.”

    Me: “It’s the law, ma’am. Your kid won’t freeze in the few minutes the car is turned off. If I had let you continue you could have possibly blown up the place and it wouldn’t have mattered if your kid was in the car.”

    Customer: “I’ve never heard of such a thing in my life.”

    Me: “It happened not too long ago at [Nearby City].”

    Customer: “That’s bulls***. I’m never going to stop here again.”

    Me: “That’s fine with me, ma’am. I’d like to keeping living and not get blown up by ignorant people such as yourself. Have a nice day.”

    Has Their Bobble Head In The Clouds

    | AZ, USA | Bizarre, Transportation

    (I’ve just finished shopping at a big box retailer in my city. I am heading to my car when I see a middle aged woman wandering around the parking lot pushing a huge cartload of items and looking very dazed and confused. Concerned for her, I make eye contact to get her attention.)

    Me: “Ma’am, are you all right?”

    Customer: “Oh, yes, I just can’t find my car. I’ve been looking for 20 minutes now! I always park right over here. It should be here!”

    (The woman, while shouting some of her phrases, still manages to keep her voice monotone and remains looking very dazed and confused the entire time we speak.)

    Me: “Have you tried the alarm?”

    Customer: “Oh, no. It’s a 20 year old car. There’s no alarm. I just always park over here. It should be here.”

    Me: “Well, what does it look like? Maybe I can spot it.”

    Customer: “It’s a white Buick LeSabre. It should be right here. I always park over here.”

    (I glance to the car parked right beside mine. It is a white Buick LeSabre.)

    Me: “Um, ma’am, is this your car?”

    Customer: “No, no. That’s not my car! I would never have so many bobble heads on the dash! My car should be right around here. I always park here.”

    Me: “Okay, what rows have you looked on? Maybe you parked a little further over than normal?”

    Customer: “No, I always park right around here. My car should be here. I don’t understand where it’s gone.”

    (After a few more minutes of me trying to help the woman and her always responding with “No, it should be right around here. I always park here,” I’ve given up. Just as I am about to take my leave, an employee out collecting carts comes over.)

    Me: “Good luck finding your car, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Thank you. I know it should be here. I always park here.”

    (As I leave, I see the employee begin talking with the woman. 30 minutes later, I have to return to the store as I have forgotten something. I park nearby the same spot and notice the woman, her cartload of groceries, the employee, and now a manager are all standing by the Buick LeSabre I was parked next to before.)

    Manager: “Why don’t you just give that one a try, ma’am?”

    Customer: “No, that’s not my car. I don’t have that many bobble heads. It just has to be around here though. I always park here.”

    Manager: “Please, just try it. It’s the only one in the parking lot. Just put your key in and see if it unlocks.”

    Customer: “Fine, but it’s not my car. I don’t have that many bobble heads on the dash.”

    (The customer puts her key in and, sure enough, the door unlocks.)

    Customer: “But I don’t have that many bobble heads on the dash!”

    Manager: “Ah, there, we’ve found your car. Have a nice day!”

    (The manager motioned to the employee and the two of them practically ran away from the woman before she could say anything else to them. I couldn’t help but laugh as I watched the woman put her groceries into the car and mumble about the bobble heads.)

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