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    Category: Transportation

    Driving Directionless

    | CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (We have tricky pumps and constantly have.to explain to people how to use them…)

    Customer: “The f****** pumps are not working!”

    Me: “You have to push in the nozzle all the way.”

    Customer: “I f****** did that. Can’t you just come and f****** help me?”

    Me: “I’m busy right now; I’ll be outside in two minutes.”

    (I wait two minutes and go outside and try pushing the nozzle all the way in and it doesn’t work… so I read the display screen.)

    Me: “Sir, it says you need to lower the lever.”

    Customer: “Well, at every other gas station you lift it up!”

    Me: *slams down lever* “Well, at this gas station we follow directions.”

    A Speedy Resolution

    | VA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Transportation

    (Working at a used car lot, I receive the following phone call:)

    Customer: “I bought a car from you guys, and it has a vibration at 80 miles per hour, can you tell me what’s causing that?”

    Me: “What is the vehicle in question sir?”

    Customer: “A 2004 [Car].”

    Me: “Sir, a slight vibration at high speed is normal in an 11 year old vehicle. Nothing is ‘causing’ it.”

    Customer: “You don’t understand. I just want to know what’s causing the vibration in my car at 75, 80 miles per hour.”

    Me: “Sir, is there any vibration at lower speeds?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Sir, that is normal operation for that vehicle.”

    Customer: “So,what might be causing this vibration?”

    Me: “…Sir, where in the state of Virginia are you finding a road with a speed limit of 80 miles per hour?”

    Customer: “What? What does that have to do with my vibration?”

    Me: “Sir, you are asking me to fix a problem that is occurring when you are operating your vehicle in an illegal fashion. You’ve already told me that there is no vibration at lower speeds, and the vibration only occurs when you violate the speed limit laws. I can’t very well fix a problem I can’t duplicate, and since our technicians don’t test drive customers’ vehicles at illegal speeds, I will never find the issue you’re describing.”

    Customer: “Tell [Salesman] to call me.” *click*

    Making Them See Cents

    | Perth, WA, Australia | Money, Transportation, Wild & Unruly

    (A frequent customer comes in and fills up her tank every few days and thinks she’s being smart by putting in an extra 2c, because in Australia we round down/up to the nearest 5c/10c. That means she gets 2c worth of free fuel. Normally we don’t bother fighting if she goes over and up to 5c, because it’s not worth the screaming, but today we have our new trainee on. She doesn’t back down easily.)

    Trainee: “That’ll be $9.05 today.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Trainee: “The total is $9.05. Would you like to purchase any in store items for a discount on your fuel today?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want anything. How is that possible? When I left that pump, it said $9.02. I know it did!”

    Trainee: “On my system it says $9.03, so it got rounded up to $9.05. Cash or card?”

    Customer: “F*** you. I’m going out there to check, and when I come back you better fix this!”

    Trainee: “I’m sorry, ma’am, you’re more than welcome to check the price again.”

    (The customer at this point storms out of the store and over to her car. I’m trying not to laugh, because this woman once threw a loaf of bread at me for doing the exact same thing. When she storms back in, she throws the 5c at the trainee, who is busy serving another customer while she waited.)

    Customer: “F*** all of you! I had $9.02 on that f****** pump when I came inside, and you changed it! You are stealing money off of me! I’m calling the cops!”

    Trainee: “You can do that, ma’am, and I’ll be happy to talk to them. Would you like an invoice?”

    Customer: “You can f*** off back to your own country! Stealing my f****** money and sending it back to your 12 kids I bet! F*** you! F*** this store. I’m not coming back!”

    (The other customer’s mouth is open in surprise. The trainee shrugs and the lady storms out of the store screaming very inappropriate racial slurs.)

    Other Customer: “What the h*** was that?”

    Trainee: “Couldn’t tell you even if I knew.”

    (Our trainee is a white Australian. It’s just that she spends a lot of time in the sun and has a deep tan. We forwarded the footage to the local police station, who then informed us we’re the last service station that hasn’t banned her.)

    Their Travel Ability Is As Solid As Oak-land

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (I am waiting to board my flight when over the intercom come a couple of announcements, calling a passenger who has gotten off their plane at the wrong airport. The last page comes as:)

    Page: “[Name], please report back to gate [#]. You have gotten off at Oakland, not Orange County. It doesn’t look anything like Orange County.”

    Trying To Ferret Out A Deal

    | AL, USA | Pets & Animals, Transportation

    (I work in a bicycle shop. A man walks in while his wife looks around a bit before joining us.)

    Customer: “Hi, I was looking to get into road biking as a means of commuting to and from work. Do you have any recommendations?”

    Me: “Certainly! If you’re looking for a decently-priced road bike that has comfort built in, I would look at the [Bike]. It’s my personal favorite in the whole shop.”

    (The customer’s wife has just joined us.)

    Customer’s Wife: “Which bike are you looking at?”

    Customer: “He’s showing me [Bike], and it looks really nice.”

    Customer’s Wife: “I’ll let you buy it if you get me another ferret.”

    Customer: “That… that’s actually really tempting.”

    Me: *taken slightly aback* “Another ferret?”

    Customer’s Wife: “Well, sure! We have five right now, three girls and two boys! We need another boy to balance it out.”

    Me: “Sounds logical to me.”

    Customer: *mulls over the idea*

    Customer’s Wife: “Pleeeeaaase?”

    Me: *jokingly* “Do it for the ferret!”

    Customer: “Don’t encourage her. I don’t know…”

    (Seeing this as an opportunity to joke some more with the customer’s wife, I point her over to the cruiser bikes.)

    Me: “And here, ma’am, you should check out these bikes! They come with baskets, so you can take the ferrets with you!”

    Customer’s Wife: “Ooh, yes! We should totally get one!”

    (Cue exasperation from the customer. Sadly, the couple left without a bike.)

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