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  • Category: Transportation

    If Cars Could Run On Stupidity

    | ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Transportation

    Me: “Thank you for calling roadside assistance; how may I help you?”

    Elderly Lady: “Yes, I need you to get my car started; it won’t start.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, can you try to describe the problem to me?”

    Elderly Lady: “Well my husband used to drive, but now he’s passed, so I have to drive again, and this stupid car won’t start.”

    Me: “Alright, can you take the phone and go to the car. Try to start it, so I can listen?”

    (The elderly lady starts grumbling as she goes to the garage.)

    Elderly Lady: “So, I put the key in, and this happens.”

    (The car tries to turn over, but nothing happens. I’m trying to figure out what it could be, and am about to dispatch a tow truck.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I need to you turn the key just a little bit, and tell me if any lights come on.”

    Elderly Lady: “One with a box and a squiggly line.”

    Me: “Okay, I need to you look on the dashboard and find the letters E and F.”

    (The elderly lady is very angry now, as we’ve been on the phone a while and she’s running late.)

    Elderly Lady: “They are right beside the box with the squiggly part.”

    Me: “Perfect, now where is the line pointing to?”

    Elderly Lady: “The E. Why, what the h*** does that mean?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry to tell you this, and I can send help, but your car is out of gas. You need to put gas in the car.”

    Elderly Lady: “You mean to tell me that I spent $50,000 on this car, and I still have to put gas in it?!”

    Contr-Acting Badly

    | NB, Canada | Criminal/Illegal, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

    (A customer comes in to return their truck rental.)

    Me: “Since you’re two hours over time, you’re going to have to pay for another day.”

    Customer: “Well if you’re going to charge me for it, I want that truck back so I can move some things.”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, but we’ve closed the contract. You would have to start to start a new one.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous; just give me the truck.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir; you have to start a new contract.”

    (The customer turns and starts to walk around the counter. I grab the keys from the wall and put them behind my back.)

    Customer: “Gimme those keys!”

    (He rushes forward and attempts to tackle me, hitting into me with his shoulder. My manager is on the phone right away. We struggle for a bit, but he finally gets his hand on the key tag and pulls it free from my hand. The key itself cuts my palm pretty bad. He starts stomping out of the building as my manager yells to him.)

    Manager: “If you walk out that door, I’m charging you with grand theft auto.”

    (The guy stops and huffs, then drops the keys and walks outside. My coworker pulls me up, and we wait for the police to arrive. When the police arrive one of them greets the customer with a huge smile and a hand shake; it seems he knows him quite well. The two police officers and the man talk for a while and finally they come over to talk to me.)

    Police Officer: “If you want to press charges, it’s not going to be easy. He wasn’t trying to hurt you; he was just trying to get the keys. We can’t really report this as an assault. If he shakes your hand and apologizes, will you agree not to press charges?”

    (I nod agreement.)

    Customer: “Oh, hey, sorry I tripped and fell on you there. I wasn’t trying to hurt you; I was just trying to get the keys.”

    (I can now say that he was the worst customer I’ve ever had. When someone gets mad at me, or swears at me at work, I just laugh. Nothing they can say can be worse than what that customer did to me. I now keep a heavy, blunt object on hand at the counter, just in case.)

    Had The Key All Along

    | PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (I work as a receptionist at my local dealership answering the phones.)

    Caller: “I need to have my car towed to your dealership. Do you have a service for that, or one that you can recommend?”

    Me: “We do, but it’s expensive. Can you tell me more about the problem so we can try and help you before resorting to that?”

    Caller: “Oh, sure! Well, I think my key remote is dead, so I can’t unlock my car. Because I can’t unlock it, I can’t get anywhere! This is my only car, and I rely on it. I need to get it unlocked as soon as possible.”

    Me: “Ma’am, have you tried putting the key into the keyhole on the door?”

    Caller: “What? Cars still have that? I don’t think mine does, but I’ll go check.”

    (About a minute passes…)

    Caller: “Oh, my God! You’re my hero! It totally worked! Thank you so much!”

    Tire Of This Dispute

    | Raleigh, NC, USA | Family & Kids, Money, Transportation

    (I am in the waiting room at a local tire place. A pickup truck squeals into the parking lot. A guy storms out and into the store. He demands a manager so he could dispute his son’s tire bill.)

    Manager: “How can I help you, sir?”

    Guy: “My son was in here earlier today, and you overcharged him! It shouldn’t have been [first amount]; it should have been [second amount]!”

    Manager: “I quoted your son—as I do all customers—both amounts, sir. He chose the [first amount] option.”

    Guy: “No, you didn’t! He said that you only gave him the [second amount] option. That’s too much for the menial service you provided.”

    Manager: “I wouldn’t have done that, sir. I quoted him both options, and he chose the [second amount] option. He wanted, and I quote, ‘blingy-er rims’.”

    (The guy realizes that he hasn’t been overcharged, and stops looming over the manager.)

    Guy: “It just isn’t right that my boy has to use up his whole paycheck on tires! He’s a hardworking boy. It’s just isn’t right!”

    Manager: “No, sir. It just isn’t right that I should have to dock my own paycheck, just so your son can keep his paycheck intact.”

    Me: “That’s what paychecks are for, right? Paying someone for a well-deserved service and paying for necessities such as tires, right?”

    (The guy turns beet red and leaves. My manager turns to me.)

    Manager: “If he keeps squealing his tires like that, he’ll be back within the next month to get them replaced.”

    Radiating A Feeling Of Thanksgiving

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | Awesome Workers, Family & Kids, Top, Transportation

    (I am a married father of three and money is tight. A few days before Thanksgiving, my truck develops a radiator leak. I really need my truck fixed on this particular Saturday. I find a local shop that is willing to take a look even though they are usually closed Saturdays.)

    Mechanic: “Okay, I found a pinhole leak in one of the side tanks on the radiator and should be able to fix it no problem. It will be about $45.”

    (I grimace at the cost, but have no choice.)

    Me: “Okay, do what you need to. I just need it fixed.”

    (After another 20 minutes…)

    Mechanic: “Well, I have good news and bad news. The hole is fixed but it turns out that the seal on the other side is leaking badly as well.”

    Me: “How much more will that cost to fix?”

    (He leans into the manager’s office and asks how much.)

    Manager: “That would bring it up to $65.00… maybe more, depending on how we have to repair it.”

    Me: “Well, go ahead and fix it. I really need the truck running today.”

    (The mechanic goes back to fix it. My phone rings and it’s a friend. )

    Friend: *on the phone* “How bad is the truck? How much will it cost?”

    (I proceed to tell him the truck’s condition and cost, and add…)

    Me: “…this really hurts because it’s coming out of our grocery money for the week.”

    (After my truck is fixed, the mechanic comes in to speak with the boss.)

    Mechanic: “Alright, it’s all fixed and ready to go. Boss? How much do I charge him?”

    Manager: *to me* “Where is your car parked? Front or back?”

    Me: “Out front.”

    Manager: *to the mechanic* “Take it out front and put it in his trunk for him. No charge.”

    Me: “What? Are you serious?”

    Manager: “As a heart attack. You go enjoy your Thanksgiving with your family, and Happy Holidays!”

    (In shock and disbelief, I leave the shop with the mechanic, load up with my son, and leave. It dawns on me five minutes into the drive I forgot to even say thank you! I went back the following Monday and thanked him profusely and took a stack of business cards with me. I now recommend them to anyone who has car troubles. And they say kindness is dead in our modern age.)

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