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    Category: Transportation

    There… Are… Four… Pumps!

    | NM, USA | Crazy Requests, Top, Transportation

    (One of my regulars comes in.)

    Regular: “$20 on pump five.”

    Me: “We don’t have a pump five. We only have four pumps.”

    Regular: “Yes you do. I’m on the white car.”

    (I look out the window to see what pump she’s on, and I am surprised to see four white cars.)

    Me: “Which white car one is yours, ma’am?”

    Regular: “The white one!”

    Me: “Ma’am, all the cars on the pumps are white; what make is yours?”

    Regular: “THE WHITE ONE! Just put $20 on five so I can go!”

    Me: “We still don’t have a pump five, and I’m trying to find out what car is yours, seeing as no one else is in here to tell me what one isn’t theirs.”

    Regular: “It is your job to know exactly what car is mine! I have no reason to tell you what car is mine; just put my gas on pump five so I can get out of here.”

    Me: “Okay, fine, I will put $20 on pump five.”

    Regular: “Now was that so hard?”

    (The customer leaves, and I sit and wait for her to return to complain that her gas isn’t pumping. Seeing as I should know her car, and have explained that we don’t have a pump five, I don’t put the money in when she picks up the handle for pump four.)

    Regular: “Why isn’t my gas pumping on pump four?”

    Me: “I put it on pump five, like you asked.”

    Regular: “IT’S PUMP FOUR! GOD, LEARN MY CAR ALREADY!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I have over 100 regulars who come into this store. If I memorized every one of their cars, I wouldn’t have to room for anything else. Next time you are in, remember we don’t have a pump five, and we are not required to know what car you drive. I’m just here to take money and push buttons.”

    Regular: “Useless… just useless! I’m late for work because of you! My job is more important!”

    Me: “Oh goody! Where do you work?”

    Regular: “At [local fast food restaurant].”

    Me: “Well, okay then. If you hadn’t actually been fighting with me, and simply explained that you were on the back pump closest to the fence, you’d be on your way to your job. Have a nice day!”

    Regular: “I’m never shopping here again!”

    Me: “See you next week.”

    (I did.)

    Please Mind The Gap Between The Bigot And All Reason

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Bigotry, Top, Transportation

    (My partner and I are on the escalators in a train station leading to the platforms. We are standing to one side to let people through on the other. An older woman is standing on the other side, blocking the way for rushing people. Two younger women approach.)

    Young Woman: “Um, excuse me, miss, could you please move over? We’re running late for our train.”

    (The older woman sniffs and looks offended, but neither moves nor acknowledges them.)

    Young Woman: “Ma’am, could you move? We need to get home, and another train doesn’t come for half an hour.”

    (She tries to get around the woman, still to no avail.)

    Older Woman: “What do you brats think you’re doing? I’m an older citizen, and you don’t belong here. Look at you, you little [racial slur], with your tiny shorts, and boobs everywhere!”

    (The older woman continues her tirade for 10 seconds, before I’m fed up.)

    Me: “Look lady, move over and shut up. You’re obviously on the wrong side of the escalator, and you aren’t their mother. Move. Now!”

    (She moves, and both the girls smile, say thanks, and keep running. She now turns her foul mouth on me, even as I step off the escalator and head for the platforms, hand in hand with my partner.)

    Older Woman: “Nasty b****! You came here on a boat too, did you? Defending all that filth!”

    (I just smile at the two girls, who have just stopped, and are speaking to the guard. They point at the woman, and we watch as she’s removed from the station.)

    They Need A Backup Sign

    | OR, USA | Theme Of The Month, Top, Transportation, Wild & Unruly

    (A customer pulls up to the pumps, but her tank is on the other side of the car.)

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, can you back up and go to the other side of the pump?”

    (The customer gets a look of sheer and utter panic.)

    Customer: “No! I don’t backup. You do it. I don’t know how.”

    (The customer tries to give me the keys to her car.)

    Me: “Uhm, sorry but no, ma’am. I am not allowed to get in a customer’s car, or drive it. If you don’t want to back up you can pull forward out of the lot, circle the block, and try again.”

    Customer: “No! That will take too long. How do I backup?! Can’t you do it?”

    Me: “Well, you shift you car into reverse, and gently press on the gas. It will go backwards. When you have gone past the pump press your brake, shift back to drive and pull up on the other side.”

    (She stares at me like I am speaking a foreign language. With a little more coaching and pointing from me, she manages to get her car in reverse. She then slams her foot on the gas, backs up all the way across the station, and slams into the sign that shows our gas prices, wrecking the sign, and the back of her car.)

    Customer: “THIS IS YOUR FAULT!”

    Me: “Actually, lady, it’s yours. And I think a little blame goes to whoever gave you a license without teaching you to backup.”

    Going Loco(motive)

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Top, Transportation

    (I work security at a light rail. The last light rail heading south comes through my station at 11:38 pm. It is currently 11:50 pm.)

    Patron: “Excuse me, officer, when is the next light rail heading south supposed to come?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, the last light rail heading south left at 11:38. There are no more running till tomorrow morning at 5:30 am.”

    Patron: “Bull-s***! I always catch the light rail later than this. You are full of s***! Just tell me when the next one is coming.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, their are no more coming tonight. I have been working at this particular station for six months, and can assure you that no more are coming tonight.”

    Patron: “Well, how the h*** are you getting home?”

    Me: “Well sir, when my shift ends, I drive myself home.”

    Patron: “Well, you’re gonna have to drive me home then.”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, I will not be able to do that. If you would like I can call you a cab. But there are no more light rails heading south tonight.”

    Patron: “Aren’t you security? You have to give me a ride home. It’s not my fault the f****** light rail stopped running early. Give me a f****** ride home.”

    Me: “No, sir, I will not give you a ride home. Unfortunately there are no light rails running south anymore, and if you are not catching the light rail north or east, I am going to have to ask you to leave, due to a no loitering law on the light rail stations.”

    Patron: “Bull-s***! I ain’t going nowhere if you don’t give me a ride!”

    Me: “Sir, if you refuse to leave, I am going to be forced to radio the light rail police.”

    Patron: “Call the mother-f****** police. I don’t give a f***!”

    (I go through with his “request” to call the police. When they arrive, he demands they give him a ride, and continues to refuse to leave. They end up giving him a ride—to jail.)

    You’ll Need A Brake After This

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Transportation

    (A customer has had one of our cars for three days, when he calls our customer service number.)

    Customer: “The car is stuck in park. No matter what I do, it will not go out of park. I’m trying pretty hard, but I don’t want to break the gear shift.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear about that; let’s take a look at this and see what we can do. Are you able to start the car at all?”

    Customer: “Yes the car starts just fine, and everything works. It just won’t move.”

    Me: “Are there any indicator lights on?”

    Customer: “All of them come on when you start the car.”

    Me: “Okay, go ahead and put your foot on the break, flush to the floor.”

    Customer: “What? What is that? What do you mean?”

    Me: “The brake pedal. Go ahead and push that down, and then shift into reverse.”

    Customer: “I still don’t know what you mean.”

    Me: “The pedal next to the accelerator. Push that down.”

    Customer: “It worked! Thank you so much; I thought I was going to be stuck here!”

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