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    Category: Transportation

    Sanity Overboard

    | USA | Tourists/Travel, Transportation

    (I work for the boutiques onboard various cruise ships. Even though jeweler is my professional position, we also have emergency duties such as lowering the life-boats, guiding guests and such. Mine is to muster guests to their muster position before the abandon-ship signal is given. The guests are all sitting in the grand dining room which is at the very back of the ship.)

    Guest: “So when the emergency signal is sounded, we just all come here?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, this is your muster station in the event of an emergency. When the abandon-ship signal is given, we guide you to your assigned lifeboat.”

    (Because there are so many guests on the ship, we don’t take them to the lifeboat when it is just a drill like this; we explain to them over the PA the procedure.)

    Guest: “Why haven’t you taken us to our lifeboats already?!”

    Me: “That was just explained, ma’am; as you can see, there are a lot of guests onboard, and it is really unnecessary—”

    Guest: “LIES! YOU’RE LYING!”

    (The guest then looks out of the window at the back of the ship; all you can see in the sea behind us.)

    Guest: “THERE’S NOT EVEN ANY LIFEBOATS ON BOARD! YOU’RE LYING! YOU JUST WANT US ALL TO STAY HERE AND DIE LIKE THE TITANIC!”

    The Road To Hell Is Paved With Detoured Intentions

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money, Top, Transportation

    (On break, I read on my phone that there has been a horrible truck accident. News reports say traffic will be shut down along that highway for several hours. After break, I am ringing up a customer and notice where she is from.)

    Me: “Just curious, but were you planning on taking the turnpike home?”

    Customer: “Yes, why?”

    Me: “There’s an accident, and it will be shut down for a few hours. You might want to try taking another route.”

    Customer: “What? This is ridiculous. What will you do for me?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “I’ll have to go out of my way; this will cost gas, and I might be late. You need to compensate me for that! Where’s your manager?”

    Me: “I am the department manager and… no. We won’t compensate you because the turnpike is closed.”

    Customer: “I’ll contact your headquarters! Forget this stuff; I’m not shopping here again!”

    (She storms off before finishing paying. Apparently she did contact our corporate, who were quite confused and wouldn’t give her compensation either.)

    There… Are… Four… Pumps!

    | NM, USA | Crazy Requests, Top, Transportation

    (One of my regulars comes in.)

    Regular: “$20 on pump five.”

    Me: “We don’t have a pump five. We only have four pumps.”

    Regular: “Yes you do. I’m on the white car.”

    (I look out the window to see what pump she’s on, and I am surprised to see four white cars.)

    Me: “Which white car one is yours, ma’am?”

    Regular: “The white one!”

    Me: “Ma’am, all the cars on the pumps are white; what make is yours?”

    Regular: “THE WHITE ONE! Just put $20 on five so I can go!”

    Me: “We still don’t have a pump five, and I’m trying to find out what car is yours, seeing as no one else is in here to tell me what one isn’t theirs.”

    Regular: “It is your job to know exactly what car is mine! I have no reason to tell you what car is mine; just put my gas on pump five so I can get out of here.”

    Me: “Okay, fine, I will put $20 on pump five.”

    Regular: “Now was that so hard?”

    (The customer leaves, and I sit and wait for her to return to complain that her gas isn’t pumping. Seeing as I should know her car, and have explained that we don’t have a pump five, I don’t put the money in when she picks up the handle for pump four.)

    Regular: “Why isn’t my gas pumping on pump four?”

    Me: “I put it on pump five, like you asked.”

    Regular: “IT’S PUMP FOUR! GOD, LEARN MY CAR ALREADY!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I have over 100 regulars who come into this store. If I memorized every one of their cars, I wouldn’t have to room for anything else. Next time you are in, remember we don’t have a pump five, and we are not required to know what car you drive. I’m just here to take money and push buttons.”

    Regular: “Useless… just useless! I’m late for work because of you! My job is more important!”

    Me: “Oh goody! Where do you work?”

    Regular: “At [local fast food restaurant].”

    Me: “Well, okay then. If you hadn’t actually been fighting with me, and simply explained that you were on the back pump closest to the fence, you’d be on your way to your job. Have a nice day!”

    Regular: “I’m never shopping here again!”

    Me: “See you next week.”

    (I did.)

    Please Mind The Gap Between The Bigot And All Reason

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Bigotry, Top, Transportation

    (My partner and I are on the escalators in a train station leading to the platforms. We are standing to one side to let people through on the other. An older woman is standing on the other side, blocking the way for rushing people. Two younger women approach.)

    Young Woman: “Um, excuse me, miss, could you please move over? We’re running late for our train.”

    (The older woman sniffs and looks offended, but neither moves nor acknowledges them.)

    Young Woman: “Ma’am, could you move? We need to get home, and another train doesn’t come for half an hour.”

    (She tries to get around the woman, still to no avail.)

    Older Woman: “What do you brats think you’re doing? I’m an older citizen, and you don’t belong here. Look at you, you little [racial slur], with your tiny shorts, and boobs everywhere!”

    (The older woman continues her tirade for 10 seconds, before I’m fed up.)

    Me: “Look lady, move over and shut up. You’re obviously on the wrong side of the escalator, and you aren’t their mother. Move. Now!”

    (She moves, and both the girls smile, say thanks, and keep running. She now turns her foul mouth on me, even as I step off the escalator and head for the platforms, hand in hand with my partner.)

    Older Woman: “Nasty b****! You came here on a boat too, did you? Defending all that filth!”

    (I just smile at the two girls, who have just stopped, and are speaking to the guard. They point at the woman, and we watch as she’s removed from the station.)

    They Need A Backup Sign

    | OR, USA | Theme Of The Month, Top, Transportation, Wild & Unruly

    (A customer pulls up to the pumps, but her tank is on the other side of the car.)

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, can you back up and go to the other side of the pump?”

    (The customer gets a look of sheer and utter panic.)

    Customer: “No! I don’t backup. You do it. I don’t know how.”

    (The customer tries to give me the keys to her car.)

    Me: “Uhm, sorry but no, ma’am. I am not allowed to get in a customer’s car, or drive it. If you don’t want to back up you can pull forward out of the lot, circle the block, and try again.”

    Customer: “No! That will take too long. How do I backup?! Can’t you do it?”

    Me: “Well, you shift you car into reverse, and gently press on the gas. It will go backwards. When you have gone past the pump press your brake, shift back to drive and pull up on the other side.”

    (She stares at me like I am speaking a foreign language. With a little more coaching and pointing from me, she manages to get her car in reverse. She then slams her foot on the gas, backs up all the way across the station, and slams into the sign that shows our gas prices, wrecking the sign, and the back of her car.)

    Customer: “THIS IS YOUR FAULT!”

    Me: “Actually, lady, it’s yours. And I think a little blame goes to whoever gave you a license without teaching you to backup.”

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