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    Category: Transportation

    Has No Train Of Thought

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Crazy Requests, Technology, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

    (I work near a property of the Royal Family’s, which is open to the public unless a member of the Royal Family is in residence. Today, this happens to be the case, due to a homecoming procession for a returning regiment. Most tourists hoping to visit have been quite accepting of this, but one American tourist is not.)

    Tourist: “Why can’t I get into the castle?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, the Palace is closed to the public today because Princess Anne is in residence for the homecoming procession. It’ll be open tomorrow.”

    Tourist: “I’m not here tomorrow! I’m only here today! Why didn’t they hold it tomorrow, so I could go today?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but in fairness they can’t have been aware of your travel plans.”

    Tourist: “Bull-s***! I booked all of my train and plane tickets online!”

    Me: “Good for you, sir, but I don’t understand.”

    Tourist: “On the internet! They should have checked whether or not people are only going to be here for one day! It’s on the internet, so they can check, obviously! Are you an idiot? Stupid little girls that don’t even speak real English!”

    (A soldier walking past the shop looks in, and hears the tourist ranting.)

    Soldier: “Sir, do you have a problem with the British military or royalty?”

    (The soldier is wearing a large knife on his belt, and carrying a rifle. The angry tourist quickly leaves.)

    The New Boeing Tardis

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

    (I have to catch a flight leaving at about 6 am. I show up at the self-check-in counters at 5 am, only to discover that my ticket won’t register.)

    Airline Rep: “Is there a problem, ma’am?”

    Me: “Uh, I think so. I’ve swiped my passport, punched in my ticket number, put in my name, and it’s not registering.”

    (The airline rep takes my information and tries it herself; the machine still doesn’t register. She looks at my itinerary.)

    Airline Rep: “Well, ma’am, I think your main problem is that your flight doesn’t leave until tomorrow.”

    Needs A Bridge To Reality

    | Jamaica | Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to rent a car, but can I drive it to the United States?”

    Me: “Pardon? I don’t understand.”

    Customer: “Can I drive the car back to the United States?”

    Me: “How did you get to Jamaica?”

    Customer: “I flew here, why?”

    Me: “Didn’t you see the ocean underneath you from the airplane?”

    Customer: “No, I slept the whole way here. Wait. What ocean?”

    Not Interstate Of Mind

    | MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

    Me: “Hello, [store name].”

    Customer: “Are you open today?”

    Me: “Yes, we’re open until 6 pm.”

    Customer: “Can you tell me how to get there?”

    Me: “Oh sure, it’s fairly easy. Take I-495 to [exit], go left at the end of the exit ramp, go left at the first light, and we’re just up the hill; you’ll see the sign.”

    Customer: “What? I don’t understand.”

    Me: “Okay, start out on I-495, and—”

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “The… highway? Interstate 495?”

    Customer: “How do I get to that?”

    Me: “Where are you now?”

    Customer: “That doesn’t matter; how do I get to that highway?”

    Me: “Well, it depends where you are. What town are you in?”

    Customer: “No, just tell me how to get to that highway!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t unless I know where you’re starting from!”

    Customer: “Never mind, you’re no help! I may or may not come in later!”

    Putting The Dire Into Directions, Part 2

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Geography, Transportation

    (I’m boarding passengers at a stop.)

    Passenger: “Excuse me, do you go to [street]?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m going in the other direction.”

    Passenger: “Ugh! I was told that bus [number] goes to [street], but you’re the third one I’ve asked, and they all say they’re going in the opposite direction!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, because all of the traffic on this side of the street goes in that direction. You need to board on the other side of the street to catch buses going in that direction.”

    Passenger: “But you’re bus [number]! You should be going that direction!”

    Me: “The bus routes go both directions, ma’am. You need bus [number] eastbound, on the other side of the street. Actually, I can see it just a few blocks down right now. If you just cross here to that stop right across the street, you can catch it in just a moment.”

    Passenger: “Oh, no, no, I don’t want to go all the way to the other side. I guess I’ll just have to keep on waiting. But if the right bus doesn’t come soon, I’m going to be very annoyed!”

    Related:
    Putting The Dire Into Directions

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