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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Category: Transportation

    Breaking The Bathroom Breaking

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Transportation

    (I am taking a four-plus hour flight. It’s a full flight, so our row is full. I’m in the middle seat. The passenger in the window seat is ordering carbonated water and alcohol every time the flight attendant comes by. She has been doing this for hours and is getting up to pee every few minutes; aggravating the rest of us.)

    Window Passenger: *to the aisle passenger in the seat next to her* “Can you move? I need to use the bathroom.”

    Aisle Passenger: *in aisle seat* “You’ve been doing this every few minutes! Could we switch seats? It’ll be easier if you have the aisle seat.”

    Window Passenger: “No! I want this window seat. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go.”

    (She goes, comes back, sits down, and orders another water, which she gulps down. Eight minutes pass.)

    Window Passenger: “Excuse me, move! I need to get to the bathroom!”

    (She goes. The aisle passenger and I are both tired, because we’re trying to sleep and she keeps waking us, and we’re angry because her shoes are getting dirt on us.)

    Me: “Look, man, move into the window seat. I’ll deal with her.”

    (He moves into the window seat just as she comes back. The window passenger instantly yells at him.)

    Window Passenger: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SEAT?!”

    Me: “I told him to move there.”

    Window Passenger: “YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!”

    Me: “YOU have no right! You’ve made 24 bathroom trips in three hours. We’re trying to sleep, and you’re climbing over us every few minutes and getting dirt from your shoes on our clothes! You left bruises on my leg where you climbed on it! This guy offered to let you sit in the aisle seat, and you said no!”

    Window Passenger: “B****! I’LL TELL THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT!”

    (The flight attendant is called, and I tell him the story.)

    Flight Attendant: *to the window passenger* “Normally, ma’am, I’d side with you, but in this case, I think the young lady is right. It’s very disruptive to our other passengers for you to be climbing over them every few minutes. The gentleman vacated a perfectly good aisle seat, which you will have to use as the flight is full.”

    Window Passenger: “F*** ALL OF YOU! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE DOING THIS TO ME!”

    (She does, however, sit down and stop ordering drinks. She sulks for the rest of the flight, and upon landing, rushes off the plane as fast as she can.)

    The Key To All Their Problems

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (A customer drops his car off to do a trade-in, and will be meeting me later to finalize the paperwork. I go to his car to check the mileage, and find that it’s locked. I go back inside to get the keys.)

    Me: “The guy’s car is locked. Did he happen to leave his keys with any of you?”

    Coworker: “No, why don’t you try calling him?”

    (I call the customer.)

    Customer: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hi, sir, we have your car here. I was trying to get in and it’s locked. Where did you put your keys?”

    Customer: *optimistically* “Oh! They’re in the car.”

    Charged Up With Anger–If Nothing Else, Part 2

    | WI, USA | Technology, Transportation

    (I work at a retailer where we frequently sell and install car batteries. I am currently installing one with the customer constantly looking over my shoulder.)

    Me: “Sir, one of these bolts is stripped; I will have to replace it or the car will not start.”

    Customer: “I’m sure it will be fine.”

    Me: “But, sir—”

    Customer: “JUST LEAVE IT!”

    (I finish hooking up the battery and the car does not start just as I told him.)

    Customer: “Oh you really f****** up! You just ruined my wife’s $60,000 truck! I need to get an emissions test done; now it’s going to fail. Do you even know what the f*** you’re doing?”

    Me: “Sir, there is nothing wrong with the truck. Like I told you earlier, the bolt needs to be replaced. I’ll be more than happy to do it free of charge.”

    (I begin replacing the bolt silently, all while he is screaming and questioning my intelligence. I finish and the car starts up immediately.)

    Customer: “YOU KNOW WHAT!? You don’t know what you’re doing; I don’t want your battery anymore! Put my old one back in; I’m going to the dealer!”

    (At this point I’ve heard enough, and politely oblige and quickly go back in to help another customer who has been patiently waiting. 30 seconds later, my original customer rushes back into the store.)

    Customer: “YOU DUMB-A**! My car won’t start! I knew you had no idea what you’re doing! And now my $60,000 truck is ruined because of your stupidity!”

    Me: “Sir, your car isn’t starting because you told me to put your dead battery back in, after I had it running with the new one. Now this customer has been waiting patiently; I will gladly help you after I help this gentleman.”

    (The original continues to have a fit in front of all the other customers, insulting me and my intelligence. I turn to the next customer.)

    Next Customer: *in a very cheery voice* “Hi, how are you today!?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m just wonderful. What can I do for you today?”

    (The next customer looks at the angry original customer, then back at me with a huge grin on his face.)

    Next Customer: “Yes! I have truck outside that needs a battery. Would you mind installing it for me?”

    Original Customer: *lets out a moan of disgust, and storms out*

    Related:
    Charged Up With Anger–If Nothing Else

    No Common Scents, Part 3

    | Wellington, New Zealand | Bizarre, Technology, Transportation

    (I work in the call center, making bookings for vehicle maintenance. I have just booked the customer in for a service.)

    Me: “Is there anything else you would like us to take a look at while your vehicle is with us?”

    Customer: “Yes, last weekend I took a load of rubbish to the dump and the car smelt funny, but the smell was gone after a couple of days. Could you get the guys to take a look?”

    Me: “So, you transported rubbish in your car and that made your car smell, but the smell has now gone, and you would like us to look into that?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “…Not a problem.”

    Related:
    No Common Scents, Part 2
    No Common Scents

    Doesn’t Bavaria With Distances

    | Berlin, Germany | Geography, Hotels & Lodging, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

    Guest: “Hi. So, I am going to go to see Neuschwanstein the day after tomorrow; I am meeting a friend there.”

    (Neuschwanstein Castle is 700 km, around 435 miles or at least a six-hour drive from Berlin. I assume he wants to leave Berlin and stay somewhere in Bavaria close to the castle.)

    Me: “Great, they tell me it’s well worth the trip.”

    Guest: “That’s what I heard. So, do you reckon I could be back here in time for the pub crawl?”

    Me: “Um… no, I don’t think so, unfortunately. It’s 700 km from here.”

    Guest: “Yeah. That’s only like 100 miles, right? I got a rental car. And you guys have the Autobahn, after all. I reckon it shouldn’t take me more than an hour one way!”

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