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    Category: Transportation

    They Need A Backup Sign

    | OR, USA | Theme Of The Month, Top, Transportation, Wild & Unruly

    (A customer pulls up to the pumps, but her tank is on the other side of the car.)

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, can you back up and go to the other side of the pump?”

    (The customer gets a look of sheer and utter panic.)

    Customer: “No! I don’t backup. You do it. I don’t know how.”

    (The customer tries to give me the keys to her car.)

    Me: “Uhm, sorry but no, ma’am. I am not allowed to get in a customer’s car, or drive it. If you don’t want to back up you can pull forward out of the lot, circle the block, and try again.”

    Customer: “No! That will take too long. How do I backup?! Can’t you do it?”

    Me: “Well, you shift you car into reverse, and gently press on the gas. It will go backwards. When you have gone past the pump press your brake, shift back to drive and pull up on the other side.”

    (She stares at me like I am speaking a foreign language. With a little more coaching and pointing from me, she manages to get her car in reverse. She then slams her foot on the gas, backs up all the way across the station, and slams into the sign that shows our gas prices, wrecking the sign, and the back of her car.)

    Customer: “THIS IS YOUR FAULT!”

    Me: “Actually, lady, it’s yours. And I think a little blame goes to whoever gave you a license without teaching you to backup.”

    Going Loco(motive)

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Top, Transportation

    (I work security at a light rail. The last light rail heading south comes through my station at 11:38 pm. It is currently 11:50 pm.)

    Patron: “Excuse me, officer, when is the next light rail heading south supposed to come?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, the last light rail heading south left at 11:38. There are no more running till tomorrow morning at 5:30 am.”

    Patron: “Bull-s***! I always catch the light rail later than this. You are full of s***! Just tell me when the next one is coming.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, their are no more coming tonight. I have been working at this particular station for six months, and can assure you that no more are coming tonight.”

    Patron: “Well, how the h*** are you getting home?”

    Me: “Well sir, when my shift ends, I drive myself home.”

    Patron: “Well, you’re gonna have to drive me home then.”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, I will not be able to do that. If you would like I can call you a cab. But there are no more light rails heading south tonight.”

    Patron: “Aren’t you security? You have to give me a ride home. It’s not my fault the f****** light rail stopped running early. Give me a f****** ride home.”

    Me: “No, sir, I will not give you a ride home. Unfortunately there are no light rails running south anymore, and if you are not catching the light rail north or east, I am going to have to ask you to leave, due to a no loitering law on the light rail stations.”

    Patron: “Bull-s***! I ain’t going nowhere if you don’t give me a ride!”

    Me: “Sir, if you refuse to leave, I am going to be forced to radio the light rail police.”

    Patron: “Call the mother-f****** police. I don’t give a f***!”

    (I go through with his “request” to call the police. When they arrive, he demands they give him a ride, and continues to refuse to leave. They end up giving him a ride—to jail.)

    You’ll Need A Brake After This

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Transportation

    (A customer has had one of our cars for three days, when he calls our customer service number.)

    Customer: “The car is stuck in park. No matter what I do, it will not go out of park. I’m trying pretty hard, but I don’t want to break the gear shift.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear about that; let’s take a look at this and see what we can do. Are you able to start the car at all?”

    Customer: “Yes the car starts just fine, and everything works. It just won’t move.”

    Me: “Are there any indicator lights on?”

    Customer: “All of them come on when you start the car.”

    Me: “Okay, go ahead and put your foot on the break, flush to the floor.”

    Customer: “What? What is that? What do you mean?”

    Me: “The brake pedal. Go ahead and push that down, and then shift into reverse.”

    Customer: “I still don’t know what you mean.”

    Me: “The pedal next to the accelerator. Push that down.”

    Customer: “It worked! Thank you so much; I thought I was going to be stuck here!”

    Her Shipping Method Is Full Of Holes

    | Jacksonville, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to ship this textbook.”

    Me: “I can help you with that, ma’am. I would suggest, however, purchasing a mailer or box to ship it in. This box is not made for shipments.”

    Customer: “What! Why can’t I use this?!”

    Me: “Because it’s a Krispy Kreme donut box.”

    Putting His Own Spin On It

    | WA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (I work in a gas station. An older customer comes in, and starts ranting at me. A younger male customer stands behind her, waiting for her to be done.)

    Older Customer: “You know most vehicles have their gas nozzle on the driver’s side of the car, right?”

    Me: “Well, I can’t really say one way or another but—”

    Older Customer: “You should put more pumps on the left side so the MAJORITY of people can use your pumps.”

    Me: “I don’t really underst—”

    Older Customer: “It’d really be easier if you just made more on the LEFT SIDE, because all the cars have it on that side.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, we DO rotate the pumps every six months.”

    Customer: “Oh! Well all right then!”

    (The older customer walks out cheerfully.)

    Younger Customer: “You… rotate them?”

    Me: “Yup, pick ‘em up, swivel ‘em around, set ‘em back down.”

    Younger Customer: “Well played…”


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