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    Category: Transportation

    Not Interstate Of Mind

    | MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

    Me: “Hello, [store name].”

    Customer: “Are you open today?”

    Me: “Yes, we’re open until 6 pm.”

    Customer: “Can you tell me how to get there?”

    Me: “Oh sure, it’s fairly easy. Take I-495 to [exit], go left at the end of the exit ramp, go left at the first light, and we’re just up the hill; you’ll see the sign.”

    Customer: “What? I don’t understand.”

    Me: “Okay, start out on I-495, and—”

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “The… highway? Interstate 495?”

    Customer: “How do I get to that?”

    Me: “Where are you now?”

    Customer: “That doesn’t matter; how do I get to that highway?”

    Me: “Well, it depends where you are. What town are you in?”

    Customer: “No, just tell me how to get to that highway!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t unless I know where you’re starting from!”

    Customer: “Never mind, you’re no help! I may or may not come in later!”

    Putting The Dire Into Directions, Part 2

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Geography, Transportation

    (I’m boarding passengers at a stop.)

    Passenger: “Excuse me, do you go to [street]?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m going in the other direction.”

    Passenger: “Ugh! I was told that bus [number] goes to [street], but you’re the third one I’ve asked, and they all say they’re going in the opposite direction!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, because all of the traffic on this side of the street goes in that direction. You need to board on the other side of the street to catch buses going in that direction.”

    Passenger: “But you’re bus [number]! You should be going that direction!”

    Me: “The bus routes go both directions, ma’am. You need bus [number] eastbound, on the other side of the street. Actually, I can see it just a few blocks down right now. If you just cross here to that stop right across the street, you can catch it in just a moment.”

    Passenger: “Oh, no, no, I don’t want to go all the way to the other side. I guess I’ll just have to keep on waiting. But if the right bus doesn’t come soon, I’m going to be very annoyed!”

    Related:
    Putting The Dire Into Directions

    Descending Into Obnoxiousness

    | Montevideo, MN, USA | Bad Behavior, Transportation, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m standing at the bus stop when I see the bus coming. There’s a car just a few meters before the bus stop, not allowing the bus to stop very close from the side walk. The doors open and a passenger starts descending, and stops half-way, blocking two other people and myself from getting in.)

    Me: “Ma’am, are you going to descend?”

    Passenger: “Yes I am, whenever this driver decides to get closer to the side walk.”

    Driver: “Sorry, but I can’t get any closer, ma’am. The car is blocking me.”

    Passenger: “You are obligated to stop 50cm from the side walk, and you are stopping at least a meter and a half!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but can you let me pass?”

    Passenger: “No, you’ll just have to wait. I guess I’m going to stay here until the next stop.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but the next stop is two blocks away, and I’ll never catch the bus. I really can’t wait for the next one.”

    (I try to get on, and she pushes me away with incredible strength and I almost fall.)

    Passenger: “No! You’ll just have to wait.”

    Me: “Look, we are happy to help you descend if that’s the problem, but we all need to get on the bus.”

    Passenger: “I don’t want you to help me descending. Do you think I’m crippled? I want the bus driver to respect the law or I’ll fill a complaint!”

    Person Behind Me: “Oh, come on! Just let us pass!”

    Me: “Yes, just let us in, and you can descend the next stop.”

    Passenger: *screaming at bus driver* “You should stop closer to the side walk; move the bus!”

    Driver: “Ma’am, I can’t. These people offered you help to descend if that was the problem, but you refused it. You can stay on the bus and descend at the next stop and let these people in, or just descend.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I have had enough! I need to get to my job.”

    (I manage to get on the bus even though she pushes me again. She eventually descends while cursing at all of us.)

    Me: “Wow, some people are just crazy.”

    Driver: “You have no idea, girl!”

    Making You Feel Washed Out

    | Maple Ridge, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology, Transportation

    (A customer has purchased a car wash.)

    Customer: “I’ve never done this here before. What do I do now?”

    Me: “Oh, it’s very simple. Just pull around to the entrance over there, and punch this code here into the keypad there. Then the red light will go green. Just drive in slowly until it turns red. It’ll wash your car, and when it goes green again you can go. Make sure you’ve rolled all the windows up before you go in.”

    Customer: “Wait, I go in on the… red?

    Me: “No, it’s just like a traffic light. Stop on the red, go on the green.”

    Customer: “So, I go in when it goes…?”

    Me: “When it turns green, yes. Just like a traffic light. Red means stop, green means go.”

    Customer: “What do I do when it’s red?”

    Me: “You stop. The brushes move around you, and when it’s done, the light will go green again, and you can go.”

    Customer: “So I stop on the red, and go on the green? No, wait, that’s not right…”

    Me: “No, that’s right. It’s JUST like a traffic light. When it turns green you drive in; when it turns red you stop.”

    Customer: “So, I… go in when it’s green?”

    Me: “Yup! Green means go. They both start with G’s, so it’s easy to remember.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay! So green means go. Okay! But then red means…?”

    Me: “Red means stop. Just like a traffic light.”

    (The customer goes, clutching her code and repeating ‘Green means go, red means stop’ under her breath. Sure enough, she runs into trouble, and we have to go out and help her. The worst part is that SHE DROVE HERE.)

    Out Of Gas And Out Of Patience

    | MD, USA | Bad Behavior, Transportation

    (It is the winter in the 70s, when people get their gas ration for the week according to the last number on the license plate. It is around 6am, and I need to drive to the gas station, get around the line of cars waiting, and open the pump. A customer in line starts shouting at me.)

    Customer: “Hey! Kid! Quit cutting in the d*** line! I’ve been here an hour in this d*** cold! You can get your d*** gas when I’m done!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’ve just got to—”

    Customer: “Don’t give me that; quit cutting in the line! Get to the back!”

    (The customer proceeds to block his car in. I get out and walk to the pump. Other customers greet me by name, ask about the family, etc. Soon the irate customer pulls up to the pump.)

    Customer: “Fill it.”

    Me: *hangs the handle up* “I’m sorry, we’re out.”

    Customer: “But I’ve been sitting here running my car!”

    Me: “You should have thought of that before I had to walk up. Other customers used more gas, too. See you next week!”

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