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    Category: Transportation

    Learning The Hard Way

    | AZ, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Transportation

    (I am a parking garage attendant. We have a separate entrance for our parking permit holders. There is a large sign which says ‘Permit Entrance’ above it. I check people’s permits as they go in. A driver speeds into the permit entrance, screeching tires and all.)

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but I can’t let you in here.”

    Driver: “Why not?”

    Me: “In order to come in this entrance, you need to have your permit displayed on your rear view.”

    Driver: “Are you stupid? There’s no hole in my permit! How could I put it on the rear view?”

    Me: “That’s odd. All the permits we hand out have a hole in them so they can be hung from the rearview. May I see your permit please?”

    (She pulls out a learner’s permit from the DMV and hands it to me.)

    Driver: “See? That’s my permit. No hole, idiot.”

    Me: “…that’s a learner’s permit. I need to see a parking permit.”

    Driver: “Parking permit?! I don’t have one of those! Just let me in already! Don’t you know who I am?”

    Me: “I have no idea who you are. What I do know is that first of all, you’re trying to get in here without a parking permit, which I can’t let you do. Second of all, you’re driving alone on a learner’s permit, which is against the law. So you have, oh, five seconds to scram before I call the cops.”

    (She speeds off as I write down her plate number. I call the police. Later, I hear that she was cited for multiple violations, one of which was, naturally, driving alone with a learner’s permit.)

    A Price Peddler

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Transportation

    (I put a lot of newly built bikes up on the racks. A customer comes in wanting to look at one of the new bikes.)

    Customer: “Can you pull that bike down? My son would like to try it.”

    Me: *pulls bike down* “Here you go.”

    (The customer’s son then rides the bike around the bike section for a minute and is pleased with it.)

    Customer: “How much is this bike?”

    Me: “It’s $79.99 in a box, or $89.99 assembled.”

    Customer: “Why is it more when it’s already together?”

    Me: “Well we have bike builders who put the bikes together. But we do have this bike in a box, so you can buy it in a box and then put it together.”

    Customer: “I think I should get a discount on this bike since it’s all dirty.”

    (The customer is talking about the tires since the bike has been ridden on the store floor, which has some dust on it.)

    Me: “Your child was the first person to ride this bike since it was built; we can wipe off the tires so that the dirt is off.”

    Customer: “No, it’s been used; look at it! I shouldn’t have to pay full price for a used item.”

    Me: “The bike builders just built this exact bike not too long ago, and I know for a fact that your son is the only one to ride this bike.”

    Customer: “So, you admit that it was used!”

    Me: “Only by your child.”

    Customer: “That’s why I should get a discount; it’s used! I want to see your manager!”

    (I call my manager who comes back to listen to the issue. My manager backs me up. The customer does eventually buy the bike, already put together, paying the additional $10.)

    Full-Blown Self-Serve

    | Beverly Hills, CA, USA | Money, Transportation

    (I am a caregiver, driving my client’s car to a gas station. My client is a reasonably well-off widow of a Hollywood big shot.)

    Me: “Do you want self-serve or full service?”

    Client: “Self is fine.”

    (As I pull into the pump, I pass an employee sweeping outside the building.)

    Client: “Honk at him!”

    Me: “Um… why?”

    Client: “To get him to help us.”

    Me: “Oh, so you want full service?”

    Client: “No, I just want him to come here and put the thing in, and check the oil.”

    Me: “Um, I can do that. I pump my own gas all the time.”

    Client: “I know dear. I don’t care. I want him to do it.”

    (My client gets out of the car and flags down two separate employees, who pump her gas and check her fluids. She pays and we leave.)

    Me: “So, you did want full service. Why did you want me to go to self-serve?”

    Client: “It’s cheaper!”

    Breaking The Bathroom Breaking

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Transportation

    (I am taking a four-plus hour flight. It’s a full flight, so our row is full. I’m in the middle seat. The passenger in the window seat is ordering carbonated water and alcohol every time the flight attendant comes by. She has been doing this for hours and is getting up to pee every few minutes; aggravating the rest of us.)

    Window Passenger: *to the aisle passenger in the seat next to her* “Can you move? I need to use the bathroom.”

    Aisle Passenger: *in aisle seat* “You’ve been doing this every few minutes! Could we switch seats? It’ll be easier if you have the aisle seat.”

    Window Passenger: “No! I want this window seat. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go.”

    (She goes, comes back, sits down, and orders another water, which she gulps down. Eight minutes pass.)

    Window Passenger: “Excuse me, move! I need to get to the bathroom!”

    (She goes. The aisle passenger and I are both tired, because we’re trying to sleep and she keeps waking us, and we’re angry because her shoes are getting dirt on us.)

    Me: “Look, man, move into the window seat. I’ll deal with her.”

    (He moves into the window seat just as she comes back. The window passenger instantly yells at him.)

    Window Passenger: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SEAT?!”

    Me: “I told him to move there.”

    Window Passenger: “YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!”

    Me: “YOU have no right! You’ve made 24 bathroom trips in three hours. We’re trying to sleep, and you’re climbing over us every few minutes and getting dirt from your shoes on our clothes! You left bruises on my leg where you climbed on it! This guy offered to let you sit in the aisle seat, and you said no!”

    Window Passenger: “B****! I’LL TELL THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT!”

    (The flight attendant is called, and I tell him the story.)

    Flight Attendant: *to the window passenger* “Normally, ma’am, I’d side with you, but in this case, I think the young lady is right. It’s very disruptive to our other passengers for you to be climbing over them every few minutes. The gentleman vacated a perfectly good aisle seat, which you will have to use as the flight is full.”

    Window Passenger: “F*** ALL OF YOU! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE DOING THIS TO ME!”

    (She does, however, sit down and stop ordering drinks. She sulks for the rest of the flight, and upon landing, rushes off the plane as fast as she can.)

    The Key To All Their Problems

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (A customer drops his car off to do a trade-in, and will be meeting me later to finalize the paperwork. I go to his car to check the mileage, and find that it’s locked. I go back inside to get the keys.)

    Me: “The guy’s car is locked. Did he happen to leave his keys with any of you?”

    Coworker: “No, why don’t you try calling him?”

    (I call the customer.)

    Customer: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hi, sir, we have your car here. I was trying to get in and it’s locked. Where did you put your keys?”

    Customer: *optimistically* “Oh! They’re in the car.”


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