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    Category: Transportation

    This Train Is All Stops To The Edge Of Reason

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Money, Transportation

    (I’m going through the gate to the subway when I hear a woman talking to an attendant.)

    Woman #1: “I only have $2 of the regular $3 fare.”

    Attendant: *very amicably* “Don’t worry about it! Just go through.”

    (Later on the platform, I overhear this loud exchange between the same woman, Woman #1, and her friend, Woman #2.)

    Woman #1: “That’s what’s wrong with this city nowadays!”

    Woman #2: “What are you talking about?”

    Woman #1: “That idiot just let me pay $2 for a subway fare! TTC (our transit system) is always talking about how they don’t have any money, but he let me pay $2!”

    Woman #2: “The transit system is going to h***!”

    (I guess you really can’t make some people happy!)

    Driving In Laps

    | Ohrid, Macedonia | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

    (I used to work as a police officer back in old Yugoslavia. One summer night, I do a routine stop for a speeder. Surprisingly, it’s an old Fiat 500. I walk up and the window rolls down. I see the driver, a man. On his lap is a woman.)

    Me: “Um, sir. Do you know why I pulled you over?”

    Man: “Yes, I think I was speeding.”

    Me: “You think? Well, it’s also because you have a woman on your lap.”

    Man: “What are you talking about? I don’t have anyone on my lap!”

    Me: “Sir, I am not stupid. There is a woman on your lap!”

    Man: “Officer, I assure you there is no woman on my lap! Have you been drinking tonight?”

    Me: “Okay, then. Sir, please step out of the car.”

    Man: “What? I’ve done nothing wron—”

    Me: “Step out of the car, sir.”

    (The man comes out and so does the woman on his lap. As they exit, I look into the car and see another man in the passenger seat, also with a woman on his lap.)

    Me: “Everyone step out of the car!”

    (The other man and his woman friend step out as well, but unbelievably I see another 6 women come out of the back seat, 3 of whom had been sitting on the other women’s laps. As they all line up in front of me, I still can’t believe my eyes. 10 people—2 men and 8 women—somehow piled into this one tiny little car. I was so astonished that I let them go! I just made sure no one was drunk and that the driver had an open lap. Even then, I still followed them home to make sure they didn’t get into a wreck.)

    A Streetcar Named Cheshire

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

    (I’m taking my cat in a carrier to the vet. I don’t have a car, so I’m taking the streetcar; it’s mostly empty except for an older woman.)

    Older Woman: “You go to vet?”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s time for my girl’s checkup.”

    Older Woman: “May I see?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Older Woman: *pets my cat* “Oh, such soft fur. What dog?”

    Me: “Oh, she’s not a dog. She’s a cat.”

    Older Woman: “Rare to see such soft dog. Good brushing!”

    Me: “Again, thank you, but she’s a cat.”

    Older Woman: “And well behaved! Dogs bark!”

    Cat: “Meow!”

    Older Woman: “You and dog have good day!”

    Me: *to my cat* “Sorry girl, but you’re a dog today.”

    Screening Out The Stupids

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (Our car wash has an intercom in front so customers that have trouble can reach us inside the store. It’s a beautiful summer day, so the car wash doors are open.)

    Customer: *over the intercom* “Hello?”

    Me: “Yes, sir? How can I help you?”

    Customer: *unintelligible*

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: *unintelligible*

    Coworker: “I’ll go out there.”

    Me: “Sorry, we’re not hearing you clearly in here. I’ll send someone out.”

    Customer: “Hello? HELLO?”

    Me: “Sir, someone will be right there.”

    Customer: “HELLO?”

    (The customer starts banging on the intercom. I see my coworker on the camera, and shut off the intercom. After a minute, the car drives in, and my coworker comes back.)

    Coworker: “Well, that guy wins the idiot of the year.”

    Me: “What happened?”

    Coworker: “He said the screen froze and he couldn’t go further.”

    Me: “Okay?”

    Coworker: “So I pointed out that the screen said ‘Please enter car wash.’”

    Mile High Blood Pressure

    | England, UK | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Top, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

    (I work for a very successful low-budget airline. On this particular day, there is an air traffic control strike, which has caused an hour delay to the flight. One passenger has been kicking off at everything since he has got on board. He’s also traveling with his kids. We are in the air, doing the food service. We have run out of a popular sandwich that he wanted four of.)

    Passenger: “This is f****** ridiculous! I’ve paid for a f****** sandwich!”

    Colleague: “I’m terribly sorry about that, sir. Is there a different sandwich I could get you, or would you like a refund?”

    Passenger: “I don’t like any off the other f****** sandwiches. I wanted a [sandwich] and you don’t have it, so you can f*** off!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Unfortunately, we can’t guarantee availability. Here’s your money back for the sandwich. Can I get you anything else?”

    Passenger: “You can f*** off, f****** mugging me off! I’ve just been charged five f****** pounds for a [soft drink]!”

    (The sandwiches come as part of a deal where if you buy a soft drink, you get a free packet of crisps. As the sandwiches had been put through our machine already, the customer in question is actually up on the deal, having still gotten the free items.)

    Colleague: “If I can just take you through your receipt, sir, you’ll see you are actually up on the deal…”

    Passenger: “F*** you! You’re s***, and [Airline] is s***! F*** off, you f****** c***, and get back to your poxy little job!”

    (At this point my colleague’s eyes are watering. I go to get a manager. When we get back, despite having moved the trolley to serve the rest of the cabin, the passenger is still kicking off.)

    Manager: “No! You do not talk like that to my crew, and you do not swear on board this aircraft. There are kids on board!”

    Passenger: “They’re my f****** kids, so f*** off!”

    Manager: “There are other kids around you. Do not swear in front of them, and don’t swear at us, sir. We are trying to help you.”

    (At this point, I’ve spoken to the captain to explain what’s going on. We arrange to have the police meet the aircraft, not to have him arrested, but to speak to him and make him realise that his behaviour is not acceptable. The captain then does a PA to say that abuse against staff will not be tolerated. Other passengers are getting involved at this point, backing us up, but the passenger continues to shout and swear…)

    Passenger: “F***** discrimination, that’s what it is! If I ran a business like this, it would f****** go under!”

    (He continues until we land. As everyone is disembarking, the captain comes out and approaches the passenger…)

    Captain: “Mr. [Name]? Nice to meet you. I have someone I’d like to introduce you to…”

    (He passed him to the biggest police officer I have ever seen. The passenger went white as he got off the plane. The best bit? The police ran a check on his name and it turned out he was a wanted man, and he ended up being arrested! If he’d just kept his mouth shut, then he wouldn’t have been arrested!)


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