Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Using The Lord’s Name Doesn’t Deliver
    (1,614 thumbs up)
  • July Theme Of The Month: Animal Madness!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Transportation

    Best Just To Enable Them

    | Newark, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Transportation

    (A customer in her mid-40s comes up to the kiosk.)

    Customer: “Excuse me.”

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I put in my card at the pump, and it tells me ‘Pump Enabled.’”

    Me: “…Yes?”

    Customer: “What does ‘Enabled’ mean?”

    Me: “Well, it means that you can work the pump. The transaction is probably going to time out by time you walk back to the pump, but try again. All it means is that the pump is working.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Thank you.”

    (The customer walks off and I continue counting cigarettes. After a few minutes, she comes back.)

    Me: “Oh, welcome back!”

    Customer: “It still says ‘Pump Enabled.’”

    Me: “Go ahead and pump your gas, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Thanks.”

    (She walks away, but after a few moments, I see her walking back to the kiosk.)

    Me: “Ma’am, let me help you…”

    This Train Is All Stops To The Edge Of Reason

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Money, Transportation

    (I’m going through the gate to the subway when I hear a woman talking to an attendant.)

    Woman #1: “I only have $2 of the regular $3 fare.”

    Attendant: *very amicably* “Don’t worry about it! Just go through.”

    (Later on the platform, I overhear this loud exchange between the same woman, Woman #1, and her friend, Woman #2.)

    Woman #1: “That’s what’s wrong with this city nowadays!”

    Woman #2: “What are you talking about?”

    Woman #1: “That idiot just let me pay $2 for a subway fare! TTC (our transit system) is always talking about how they don’t have any money, but he let me pay $2!”

    Woman #2: “The transit system is going to h***!”

    (I guess you really can’t make some people happy!)

    Driving In Laps

    | Ohrid, Macedonia | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

    (I used to work as a police officer back in old Yugoslavia. One summer night, I do a routine stop for a speeder. Surprisingly, it’s an old Fiat 500. I walk up and the window rolls down. I see the driver, a man. On his lap is a woman.)

    Me: “Um, sir. Do you know why I pulled you over?”

    Man: “Yes, I think I was speeding.”

    Me: “You think? Well, it’s also because you have a woman on your lap.”

    Man: “What are you talking about? I don’t have anyone on my lap!”

    Me: “Sir, I am not stupid. There is a woman on your lap!”

    Man: “Officer, I assure you there is no woman on my lap! Have you been drinking tonight?”

    Me: “Okay, then. Sir, please step out of the car.”

    Man: “What? I’ve done nothing wron—”

    Me: “Step out of the car, sir.”

    (The man comes out and so does the woman on his lap. As they exit, I look into the car and see another man in the passenger seat, also with a woman on his lap.)

    Me: “Everyone step out of the car!”

    (The other man and his woman friend step out as well, but unbelievably I see another 6 women come out of the back seat, 3 of whom had been sitting on the other women’s laps. As they all line up in front of me, I still can’t believe my eyes. 10 people—2 men and 8 women—somehow piled into this one tiny little car. I was so astonished that I let them go! I just made sure no one was drunk and that the driver had an open lap. Even then, I still followed them home to make sure they didn’t get into a wreck.)

    A Streetcar Named Cheshire

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

    (I’m taking my cat in a carrier to the vet. I don’t have a car, so I’m taking the streetcar; it’s mostly empty except for an older woman.)

    Older Woman: “You go to vet?”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s time for my girl’s checkup.”

    Older Woman: “May I see?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Older Woman: *pets my cat* “Oh, such soft fur. What dog?”

    Me: “Oh, she’s not a dog. She’s a cat.”

    Older Woman: “Rare to see such soft dog. Good brushing!”

    Me: “Again, thank you, but she’s a cat.”

    Older Woman: “And well behaved! Dogs bark!”

    Cat: “Meow!”

    Older Woman: “You and dog have good day!”

    Me: *to my cat* “Sorry girl, but you’re a dog today.”

    Screening Out The Stupids

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (Our car wash has an intercom in front so customers that have trouble can reach us inside the store. It’s a beautiful summer day, so the car wash doors are open.)

    Customer: *over the intercom* “Hello?”

    Me: “Yes, sir? How can I help you?”

    Customer: *unintelligible*

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: *unintelligible*

    Coworker: “I’ll go out there.”

    Me: “Sorry, we’re not hearing you clearly in here. I’ll send someone out.”

    Customer: “Hello? HELLO?”

    Me: “Sir, someone will be right there.”

    Customer: “HELLO?”

    (The customer starts banging on the intercom. I see my coworker on the camera, and shut off the intercom. After a minute, the car drives in, and my coworker comes back.)

    Coworker: “Well, that guy wins the idiot of the year.”

    Me: “What happened?”

    Coworker: “He said the screen froze and he couldn’t go further.”

    Me: “Okay?”

    Coworker: “So I pointed out that the screen said ‘Please enter car wash.’”


    Page 12/27First...1011121314...Last