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    Category: Transportation

    Anything Could Spark Him Off

    | QC, Canada | Crazy Requests, Transportation, Wild & Unruly

    (A woman is looking at the spark plug we have on the floor. She seems confused about what she needs, so I go to her to help her pick the right one.)

    Me: “Are you having trouble finding the spark plugs you need?”

    Woman: “Yes! My husband sent me to pick new spark plugs for his car. He gave me an old one to make sure I get the right one, but they all look the same!”

    Me: “Well, just come to the counter and I’ll help you find the right one. I’ll just need some information about the car. Which year, make, model, and engine size is it?”

    Woman: “I think it’s a Ford. It’s a car for sure, not a truck. Pretty sure it’s a Ford. I’m not sure of the year. I think he got it in 2008. Or 2009. But I don’t know if it was new or not. And for the model, it’s the one with 4 doors. It’s grey, too!”

    Me: “Okay. Well, I need more precise info. But it’s all right. I can usually do a cross-reference with the old spark plug you have to see what I have in stock.”

    Woman: “Oh! That’s great. I really don’t know anything about cars, as you can see. My husband sent me because he hates dealing with you people. He thinks you are all incompetent jerks.”

    (I take the spark plug and start checking for cross-reference numbers. However, I can soon sense this will turn bad because the spark plug I hold is made by a company I’ve never heard of. It looks like a cheap Chinese knockoff. To make sure, I ask my coworkers if they’ve ever seen this brand. None have, and it is not listed in our cross-reference book.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. It appears that this brand of spark plug is not listed in our cross-reference books. I’ll have to make a couple of calls to the manufacturers to see if they can match it.”

    Woman: “It’s okay. I’ll wait. My husband will be really pissed off if I don’t come back with the spark plugs.”

    (While I’m waiting on the phone for a manufacturer hotline to answer, her cell phone rings. I can clearly hear her conversation.)

    Woman: “They are looking if they can do cross-reference to find the good one.”

    Husband: “Why the f*** were not able to find one by yourself? Now you’ll have to deal with those f***** morons that work there. It’s not too f****** hard to find one d*** spark plug. F****** useless woman! You’re all the same. Don’t make me come there. They’ll f****** regret it!”

    (By this time, the manufacturer have told me they cannot cross reference this spark plug, and they’ve never heard of this brand before.)

    Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. I’ll absolutely need the car information. I cannot do a cross-reference on this plug. Nobody’s seem to have heard of this brand before.”

    Woman: “I was sure this would happen. My husband likes to buy stuff on the internet because he says your store is ripping off people. He says you’re all thieves. His cheap spark plug stopped working and he’s having all sort of problem with the car ever since. But I really don’t know what car he has.”

    Me: “Can you call him and ask him?”

    Woman: “He’ll be pissed off. Too bad for him. He should have come here by himself.”

    (She calls her husband on my phone and tells him I need some info on his car.)

    Husband: “What do you f****** need to know?”

    Me: “Just basic information, sir. Year, make, model, and engine size.”

    Husband: “It’s a f****** Ford. Now gave my wife the spark plugs.”

    Me: “Sorry. I still need the year and engine size.”

    Husband: “I ain’t giving that to you. You’ll know what I’ll drive and you’ll try to rip me off.”

    Me: “Look. If you don’t want to tell me what kind of car you have, it’s fine. But don’t expect to get spark plugs.”

    Husband: YOU F****** B****! YOU’LL GET YOUR SORRY A** ON THE FLOOR AND LOOK AT EACH AND EVERY F****** SPARK PLUG YOU HAVE AND FIND THE ONES I NEED, AND GAVE THEM TO MY ME SO I CAN FINISH MY F****** CAR.

    Me: “Like I said, I’m sorry, but there is nothing I can do in this situation. I will not go on the floor and look at the hundreds of different spark plugs models and lose countless hours because you are too lazy to come up here and buy them yourself, and too paranoid to give me the basic information I need. So I cannot help you and I will terminate this call right now.”

    (The woman told me to not worry; she’d go to her friend’s place for a couple of hours, like she always did when he’s angry at something. She warned me that he would probably come and make all kinds of trouble. As she said, a couple of hours later a guy came in the store with a handful of old spark plugs. He started throwing them at the employees, all the time yelling about how we are thieves and that women are useless pieces of meat. We had to call the police to have him removed from the store. His case went to court and, thankfully, he was sent to anger management class!)

    An Inappropriate Touchdown

    | USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Transportation

    (I’m ordering a personalized plate for the customer. I ask the customer what he wants on the license plate.)

    Customer: “I’m a Colts fan. What about COLTFAN?”

    Me: “I’ll check… Seems to be taken.”

    Customer: “Hmm… What about CLTFAN?”

    Me: *blushing* “Well, I don’t think that’s appropriate.”

    Customer: “What? Oh! Um, just a regular plate. Sorry about that.”

    Doesn’t Even Know Where To Start(er)

    | OH, USA | Extra Stupid, History, Top, Transportation

    (I work at an auto parts store in a small town in the Appalachian foothills. I am talking to an elderly customer.)

    Customer: “I need a starter for my 1990 Plymouth Acclaim.”

    Me: “Alright. There were two different starters used on that car. One was made by Bosch, and the other was made by Mitsubishi. Do you know which one your car has?”

    Customer: “No. I don’t. I’ll have to find out.”

    Me: “Well, it’s okay. They will both work interchangeably. Just be aware that they do look completely different from each other, The one I sell you might look different, but it will still fit and work fine. It looks like the Mitsubishi starter is less expensive, so I’ll grab that one for you. Okay?”

    Customer: “Now hold on a second. I don’t want no Mitsubishi anything! Don’t you know? Japan was against us in World War II!”

    Me: “Alright, sir. I’ll get you the German-made Bosch starter.”

    Customer: “Now, that’s better!”

    A Minor Problem

    | Boston, MA, USA | Family & Kids, School, Transportation

    (I am a chaperone on a preschool field trip. We have six chaperones including me. All the other seats on the bus are filled with our two-year-olds. About 40 people can fit on each bus. It is near the end of the day, and the driver is clearly exhausted. A woman approaches the driver, who is outside on the ground with her.)

    Woman: “I’d like to get on this bus.”

    Driver: “Sorry. You can’t get on this one.”

    Woman: “Well, why not?”

    Driver: “Because it’s full!”

    (It’s important to realize that the bus is open-air, so there are no tinted windows. However, the walls are fairly high, and the bus is high up. The woman, from her vantage point on the ground, cannot see all the small children.)

    Woman: “No, it’s not. You only have 6 people in there.”

    Driver: “No. You see—”

    (The woman starts complaining loudly about how lazy and incompetent the driver is. The driver tries to explain that the bus is full of small children, but the woman keeps cutting her off. Having had enough, I pick up the two-year-old beside me, and walk up to the bus entrance.)

    Me: “There are over 30 of these in here!”

    (The woman promptly shuts up and, red-faced, walks away.)

    About To Get Charged With Battery, Part 4

    | Stuart, FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Technology, Transportation

    (I work for a national electronics retail chain as a manager. I have one other employee working for me this night.)

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need a new battery for my car’s remote.”

    Me: “Okay. Let’s take a look.”

    (The customer hands me the remote, I take it from her and quickly open it using a tool I keep on the counter. I find that the remote actually takes two button batteries, which is nothing unusual. I take them out and put them on the counter. I turn around and see I only have two left. I pull them off the rack, open one and put it in the remote. I go to open the second one and the customer stops me and snatches the still sealed battery out of my hand.)

    Customer: “What is this?”

    Me: “It’s one of the batteries you need for your remote.”

    Customer: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    (I show her the numbers on the old batteries and new ones match.)

    Customer: “There’s two of them?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Where’s the other one?”

    Me: *I point to the battery in the remote* “I already installed it.”

    Customer: “I didn’t see you do that. Where did it come from?”

    Me: *I pick up the now empty battery package* “I just installed it.”

    Customer: “I want to see you install it.”

    Me: “You want me to take it out and put it back in?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    (I take the new battery back out and put it back in.)

    Customer: “NO! I want to see you open it!”

    Me: “You want me to seal the package then open it again?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the packages come glued closed from the factory. I can’t re-seal it.”

    Customer: “Then get another one!”

    (At this point, I can tell the customer is going to be unreasonable but I do my best to keep my composure while my employee silently stands next to me observing.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I only have two left. One is already in your remote and the other one is in your hand.”

    Customer: “Listen to me you little p****! You don’t be condescending to me! Do what I tell you or I’m gonna complain to your f****** boss!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I am the manager and I am trying to help you. There’s no need for name calling.”

    Customer: “DON’T YOU F****** TALK TO ME LIKE THAT, YOU MORON! THERE’S NO WAY YOU’RE THE BOSS HERE! I WANT TO TALK TO YOUR SUPERIOR!”

    (At this point, the customer is unreasonably irate. I decide that $5 worth of batteries is not worth raising my blood pressure. I take out the new battery and re-install her old ones then close the remote.)

    Me: “Here you go, ma’am. Have a nice day.”

    Customer: “YOU PUT THE NEW ONES IN?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I put your old ones back in.”

    Customer: “WHY THE F*** WOULD YOU DO THAT?!”

    Me: “You are being overly difficult over something very basic. I have chosen to exercise my right not to serve you. Please leave my store.”

    Customer: “YOU CAN’T DO THAT TO ME! I’M GONNA CALL YOUR CORPORATE OFFICE!”

    Me: “I’ll be expecting to hear your complaint.”

    (The customer storms towards the door.)

    Employee: “Have a nice night, ma’am.”

    Customer: “SHUT THE F*** UP!”

    (The employee looks at me and smiles, dumbfounded by this ridiculous encounter. I then call my district manager and tell him about the encounter. He assures me he will stand behind my decision not to serve her. Minutes later, I go to the grocery store to get something to snack on and find the same woman standing in an aisle yelling at three managers of the grocery store.)

    Related:
    About To Get Charged With Battery, Part 3
    About To Get Charged With Battery, Part 2
    About To Get Charged With Battery

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