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    Category: Transportation

    Weighed Down By Your Thumbs Up

    | KY, USA | Crazy Requests, Transportation

    Customer: “Do ya’ll sell concrete?”

    Me: “Yes, it’s in aisle 32 on the left, about 1/4 of the way down.”

    Customer: “I need 80 bags.”

    Me: “80 bags of 50lb bags, or 80lb bags?”

    Customer: “80 bags, please.”

    (I tell him to take the item number to the cashier, and I’d bring it out on the forklift as soon as it’s paid for.)

    Me: “Sir, what are you driving?”

    Customer: “That little red truck.”

    Me: “Uhm… sir, that’ll crush your truck.”

    Customer: “No, it won’t. I’ve hauled 150 bags with this truck.”

    Me: “Sir, that’s 6400 pounds in the bed of a truck.”

    Customer: “Just load it. I’m in a hurry.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m going to call our manager and ask him about it.”

    (The manager comes and I explain.)

    Manager: “Sir, that’ll smash that little truck, but we can load it. All I need you to do is look at the camera and give a thumbs up?”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Manager: “So when we crush your truck, we won’t be held responsible since you didn’t listen to our advice.”

    (The customer gives a thumbs up, and I load the truck. It doesn’t smash the truck. With a smug look, the customer goes to drive away, until the rear end falls out from under the truck.)

    Customer: “What the h***?! You’re going to replace the truck!”

    Manager: “You gave consent, and the video camera you gave a thumbs up to also records audio.”

    Me: *still laughing* “Told you.”

    Little Car, Big Idiot

    | IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

    Me: “Hello, sir, what can I do for you today?”

    Customer: “I need wiper blades.”

    Me: “For what kind of car?”

    Customer: “Jeep.”

    Me: “…What kind of jeep?”

    (Blank stare.)

    Me: “Is it a Cherokee, Wrangler, Patriot?”

    Customer: “It’s one of the little ones.”

    Tiring Of Your Tire-ing

    | NC, USA | Transportation

    (I used to run an auto repair garage and got calls like this all the time:)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [My Shop]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “I need a price on a set of tires.”

    Me: “Sure. What size?”

    Caller: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “No problem. What kind of car do you have?”

    Caller: “I don’t know. It’s silver though.”

    Me: “I’m going to need some vehicle information to price you a set of tires. Would you like to look at your car and call me back in a few mins?”

    Caller: “Just give me an estimate. It doesn’t have to be exact.”

    Me: “I really need to know what kind of car you drive. There are over 1700 individual tires on the market today. There’s no way I can give you a quote without knowing what you drive.”

    Caller: “Just give me an estimate. I’m calling some other places to get quotes, too.”

    Me: *end of my patience* “Okay, if you have a Geo Metro, figure around $300. If you have a Freightliner, about $10,000.”

    Caller: “Okay, thank you.”

    A Reversal Of Fortune

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Transportation

    (I’m on a Landscape Lighting service call with another one of our technicians. We’re going back to a recent install to add more lights along the driveway. Talking to the client, we get more info on what he’s looking for.)

    Client: “Yeah, I’d like more lights along the driveway so I can see to reverse my car at night.”

    Service Tech: “That’s not a problem. We can have them added and running in a couple hours.”

    Client: “Thanks, it’ll make a big difference. I like to think I’m better at reversing. I find it so much easier.”

    (We get to work and the client leaves while we’re working. Note, we’ve parked our van in his driveway. We finish up and are sitting in the van filling in the paperwork.)

    Me: “So, we put in four of the—”

    (There is a loud thud as the van jolts.)

    Client: *coming up to the driver’s window* “Sorry, I just backed into your van…”

    Should Pre-Pray For A Good Pre-Pay

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Transportation

    (All of the pumps at our gas station are self-serve, and have large white 6″x6″ signs adhered to them, with large red block lettering that reads, “PLEASE PREPAY OR PAY AT THE PUMP.” I’m focusing on some paperwork when I hear banging on the window.)

    Customer: “TURN ON THE PUMP!” *pointing at her red oversized truck*

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you are at a prepay pump. You will need to prepay, pay at the pump, or leave a driver’s license before you can pump your gas.”

    Customer: “I don’t have to do any of that!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, I’m afraid you do. It wouldn’t be fair to our other customers if I just let you pump without paying or leaving a license first.”

    Customer: “There is a list of people who don’t have to prepay or leave anything!”

    Me: *looking for said list inside the fresh box of hell that surrounds me* “Ma’am, the only list we have is of bad check writers, and I’m sure you don’t want your name on that one.”

    (Customer stomps back to her truck. I go back to my paperwork. About two minutes pass and I look out to see the same customer jumping up and down in front of everyone, screaming rhythmically…)

    Customer: “TURN! ON! THE PUMP! TURN! ON! THE PUMP! TURN! ON! THE PUMP!”

    Me: *through the intercom* “Ma’am, you are at a prepay pump. You can either prepay, pay at the pump, or leave a driver’s license before you can pump your gas.”

    (Customer gets in her truck and peels out from the pump, to the main store across the parking lot, narrowly missing three other cars and a pedestrian, and then parks in the fire lane, directly in front of the main doors. The phone rings; it’s the manager from the main store.)

    Manager: “Is there a list of people who don’t have to prepay or leave a driver’s license in there?”

    Me: “No, sir. Just a list of bad check writers.”

    Manager: “That’s what I thought. Thank you.” *hangs up*

    (From across the parking lot, I see this customer exit the store just steaming. She gets back into her truck, and again peels out of the parking lot, again barely missing passing cars and pedestrians.)

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