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    Category: Tourists/Travel

    No Vocation For Location, Part 8

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Geography, Tourists/Travel

    (We have a screen with special offers on the wall. Customer #1 is reading the board as offers flash by.)

    Customer #1: “Wait, Paris is in Europe?”

    Customer #2: “Really? Where did you think it was? Asia?”

    Customer #1: “I never really paid much attention in Geometry class.”

    (Customer #2 starts laughing as Customer #1 realizes what she just said.)

    Customer #1: “Yeah… didn’t pay much attention at all.”

    Related:
    No Vocation For Location, Part 7
    No Vocation For Location, Part 6
    No Vocation For Location, Part 5
    No Vocation For Location, Part 4

    Non-Flight Risk

    | Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging, Top, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

    (A passenger takes a flight from British Columbia to Newfoundland with one connection in between in Calgary. With roughly an hour to make the connection, she should have an easy time, especially since all flights are on time, and her gates are right across the room from each other. However, she misses her connecting flight. Our airline, at no additional fee, moves her to the next available flight in six hours. Within an hour or so, however, she calls our call center.)

    Passenger: “I’d like to make a complaint!”

    Agent: “Oh? I’m sorry to hear that. How can I assist you?”

    Passenger: “I’m calling because your airline made me miss my connecting flight, and would not provide me a hotel for the night.”

    Agent: “Oh, wow. I’m terribly sorry to hear that. What is your reservation code? I’ll see if I can find out if there is something we can do.”

    (The agent reviews the reservation, and sees that the passenger has been re-accommodated to a new flight, and has been given a meal voucher for within the airport.)

    Agent: “With all due respect, ma’am, it seems that your flight into Calgary was actually early, and you had just over an hour to connect to your connecting flight. It even shows that the agent at the gate called your name a few times. I’m not sure how we caused you to miss your flight.”

    Passenger: “It was all your fault! And I want you guys to pay for my hotel for the night!”

    Agent: “Again, ma’am, I apologize for—”

    Passenger: “It was all the pilot’s fault! He didn’t tell me what time it was!”

    Agent: “I’m sorry, what?”

    Passenger: “The time! He didn’t tell me what time it was supposed to make an announcement about what time it is.”

    Agent: “Ma’am, as a former gate agent at the airport, I can assure you that the captain does make those announcements. Also, in the case that he does not, I happen to know that roughly every 15 feet within the airport, there is a clock on a TV, food service station, and in every lounge. May I ask where you were that you were unable to see the clocks or hear the gate agent?”

    Passenger: “That’s none of your business! Now, on top of paying for my hotel, I want you to pay me for my time that you’ve cost me by making me miss my flight. Give me back my money for this flight.”

    Agent: “So, ma’am, let me see if I understand this: you got on a flight, knowing you had a connection in Calgary. On your confirmation, it told you the time you would arrive and leave. The captain may not have announced what time it was over the PA system, but within the airport, there were many clocks and many attempts at calling your name to get you on your connecting aircraft. When you did not make it onto the flight, we re-accommodated you at no fee, and even gave you a meal voucher for your additional hours at the airport. Now, you would like us to give you a free flight, AND reimburse you for the hotel that you only get about five hours of use from.”

    Passenger: “Listen, are you stupid? You need to stop repeating me and get me some money.”

    Agent: “I’m sorry, ma’am; I am not going to be able to help you.”

    Passenger: “Tonight?”

    Agent: “Ever.”

    The Height Of Unreason

    | AZ, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Tourists/Travel

    (I’m running a ride that has a four-foot height limit, due to the speeds at which it spins and the types of harnesses used for the seats. A guest is waiting at the front of the line with his daughter, who is clearly too small to ride. I am resetting all of the safety locks for the next ride, and I hear my coworker talking to the guest.)

    Coworker: “Alright, sir, I’m going to have to double-check her height. I’m pretty certain she’s too small to ride.”

    Customer: “Oh she’ll be fine; I’ll be sitting with her.”

    Coworker: “No, sir, you can’t do that. I have to check her height.”

    (With a bit of a cross look on his face, he tells his daughter to stand next to the measuring pole. She’s a good six inches too short.)

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir; I can’t let her ride. She’s simply too small.”

    Customer: “Dude, seriously? I’m right here; I’ll be holding her the whole time.”

    Coworker: “I can’t let her ride.”

    (At this point, he’s holding up the line, and the customers behind him are getting impatient.)

    Customer: “Dude, it’s her birthday and we just waited for an hour to get on this ride. Just let her go this time.”

    Coworker: “My hands are tied. She can’t ride.”

    Customer: “I’m not moving. She’s going to ride.”

    (He pretty much has the attention of everyone in line by now. I come over.)

    Me: “Listen, sir, I need to get this line moving. Just let me get this straight: you’re telling me that you’re going to willingly endanger your daughter’s life for the low, low price of a ride pass? Fine, by all means.”

    (The man goes red in the face before wordlessly picking up his daughter and walking out of the line.)

    The Maine Difference Between The Accents

    | West Gardiner, ME, USA | Geography, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    (I work in a travel plaza in a town in central Maine, fairly close to the Canada/USA border. The plaza is the only sort of gas station, restaurant, and other amenity on the highway for miles, so we get the gamut of travelers, most of whom are weary from long hours of driving. We are encouraged to be as helpful as possible, and to make conversation while ringing up customers.)

    Me: “Did you find everything alright?”

    Customer: “Well, I did in here, but…”

    Me: “But?”

    Customer: “You from around here?”

    Me: “Actually, I grew up in the next town over.”

    Customer: “Excellent. What is there to do in this area?”

    (I offer a few suggestions of popular tourist attractions, and unique local restaurants. The customer gives me an odd look and is silent while I tell him his total. While I’m counting his change, he suddenly explodes. He knocks half his purchases off the counter to get in my face and starts shouting.)

    Customer: “DON’T YOU LIE TO ME!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; excuse me?!”

    Customer: “You stupid b****! There’s no WAY you’re from here! How do I know everything you just told me isn’t all fake? I want to talk to someone who is actually from this area!”

    Me: “With all due respect, sir, what makes you say that?”

    Customer: “You don’t have the accent!”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “See! I told you you were lying! If you really grew up here, you’d have that authentic Maine accent! ‘Pahk the arnge cah in the yahd’.”

    Me: *drawling into a thick ‘Maine’ accent* “Ayuh well there sir what you got yourself there is a Boston accent; you ain’t soundin’ like no Mainer, deyah.”

    Customer: “What the f*** did you just say?!”

    Me: *in normal voice* “I said, I worked very hard growing up to learn to enunciate properly, but I can assure you I’m far more authentically Maine than these lobster souvenirs you just spent $10 on and then broke. I’m glad to know my hard work paid off. Have a safe trip now, ‘deyah.’”

    It’s Going To Be A Hooray Kind Of Day

    | Columbus, OH, USA | Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (I volunteer regularly at a big science museum in Columbus, which has everything divided up into different ‘worlds.’ The world I work in is set up as ruins on a mysterious island, where you have to go around solving puzzles in order to ‘wake up’ statues and eventually enter the main tower. It’s a slow morning and the only guests are a mother and her kids, one about six months and the other about three.)

    Mother: “What do you see when you wake up, [son]?”

    Son: “Umm…”

    Mother: “If you stand there and look straight up, what do you see?”

    Son: *looks around, then down at his shoes* “Umm…”

    Me: *cheerfully* “Up at the sky!”

    (I raise my hands up and wave them around a little, trying to encourage him to look up. Eventually he does and his face lights up.)

    Son: “A snake!”

    Mother: “Hooray!”

    Me: “Hooray!”

    Son: “Hooray for me!”

    (They proceed around the rest of the area with the mother gently directing her toddler through each puzzle. I’m meant to stay in my assigned area, but every once in a while I hear a little voice pipe up with ‘hooray for me!’)

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