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    Category: Tourists/Travel

    Yukon Freeze It, Part 3

    | Niagara, ON, Canada | Canada, Themed Giveaway, Tourists/Travel

    (I’m about 10 years old. I’m coming out of a store, when a very obvious tourist couple confronts me. They have a kayak strapped to the top of their truck, and some skidoos trailered to the back. It’s summer.)

    Tourist: “You! You can you help me!”

    Me: “Umm, okay. What’s wrong?”

    Tourist: “Where can I go ice fishing?”

    Me: “A lot of places, but it’s way too warm for that right now.”

    Tourist: “We’re in Canada, correct?”

    Me: “Yeah, but it’s summer time. Maybe if you were much further north you’d find ice.”

    Tourist: “I drove up from the south; this is north.”

    Me: “Umm, well you could take your kayak out to Lake Ontario to go regular fishing, but not ice fishing.”

    (The tourist’s wife, with selective hearing issues, chimes in.)

    Tourist’s Wife: “We can go ice fishing?!”

    Me: *gives up* “Sure, just go down Lake Street, and you’ll find the lake.”

    Tourist’s Wife: “Honey look, they name their streets after the places they go to! How cute!”

    (I watch them drive off in the opposite direction.)

    Related:
    Yukon Freeze It, Part 2
    Yukon Freeze It

    No Vocation For Location, Part 7

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Geography, Themed Giveaway, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Thank you for calling [airline]; this is [my name]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I want to book a flight from here to Los Angeles.”

    Me: “Okay, what city are you departing from?”

    Caller: “I want to go to Los Angeles.”

    Me: “From where?”

    Caller: “From here.”

    Me: “What city are you in?”

    Caller: “The same as you.”

    Me: “I’m in Baltimore, Maryland. Is that where you are?”

    Caller: “No. Can’t you tell from my phone number?”

    Me: “We have no way of knowing where you’re calling from. If you tell me what city you’d like to depart from, I can look up the flights for you.”

    Caller: “Well if you don’t know where I am, what good are you?” *click*

    Related:
    No Vocation For Location, Part 6
    No Vocation For Location, Part 5
    No Vocation For Location, Part 4

    Having A Light Bulb Moment, Part 3

    , | Grand Canyon, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Themed Giveaway, Tourists/Travel

    (It’s almost dusk at the gift shop I am running at the southern rim of the Grand Canyon. A tourist couple approaches.)

    Woman: “Where is the best spot to watch the Canyon at night?”

    Me: “Well, anywhere along the walkway is good, but the sun’s going down very soon.”

    Man: “Yes, we want to be here when they turn on the lights.”

    Me: “…lights?”

    Woman: “Yes, so we can see it at night.”

    Me: “Umm, the Canyon is over a mile deep at this point, and the northern rim is over a mile across from here. There aren’t any lights in it for nighttime.”

    Man: “Then how do you see it at night?”

    Me: “…basically it’s the big blackness out there.”

    Related:
    Having A Light Bulb Moment, Part 2
    Having A Light Bulb Moment

    Dumb By Any Metric, Part 2

    , | Nanaimo, BC, Canada | Canada, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Themed Giveaway, Tourists/Travel

    (We sell burgers in 1/4 lb and 1/2 lb size. It is part of our job to clarify which burger the customer is ordering. I overhear my coworker’s exchange at the next till.)

    Customer: “I’d like a burger please.”

    Coworker: “Certainly. Would you like the 1/4 lb or 1/2 lb?”

    Customer: “I’m not sure; whichever is bigger.”

    Coworker: “That would be the 1/2 lb.”

    Customer: “Sorry, I’m from the States, and I don’t understand your Canadian measurements!”

    Related:
    Dumb By Any Metric

    Ye Olde Fool

    | Belgium | Health & Body, History, Themed Giveaway, Tourists/Travel

    (I am breastfeeding my three-month-old baby quietly in a corner of a medieval festival. I am a participant. In front of me is a display of medieval stuff that I make. A tourist is passing by, and sniffs.)

    Tourist: “Like they did that in the middle ages!”

    Me: “Do you mean the breastfeeding? Of course they did; how else would they feed their baby?”

    Tourist: “If you knew a bit about history, you would know that they hired other women to feed the baby.”

    Me: “It is true that high-born ladies hired nurse maids to feed their baby and look after them, but how do you think these hired women fed the baby?”

    Tourist: “With a bottle of cow’s milk of course! Jeez!”


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