Category: Tourists/Travel

Emotional Blackmail Was Worth A Shot

| Townsend, TN, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Tourists/Travel

(I own a kennel which provides both boarding & grooming services. I answer the phone:)

Me: “Good morning, [Kennel]. May I help you?”

Caller: “I need to board my dog. We’re here on vacation.”

Me: “Very good. What dates would you like to board your dog?”

Caller: “We need to bring her in today. We wanna go to Dollywood!”

Me: “We do have space for her, but we require proof of vaccinations: rabies, the distemper shot, which includes several other vaccines in it, and also bordetella, which is kennel cough.”

Caller: “WHAT?! We don’t have that with us! You HAVE to take our dog!”

Me: “I’m so sorry, but we’re required by law that every dog has to have current vaccinations. It protects not only your dog, but all the other dogs here as well. You could have your vet call us and confirm that your dog is protected. If you don’t have a vet, I can give you the number of several veterinary practices near you, and they can administer the needed shots today.”

Caller: “NO! You WILL take our dog! You don’t want to make my children cry!”

(I can then hear the woman talking to her family:)

Caller: “This mean woman just told me that she won’t let you go to Dollywood! She’s going to ruin our vacation!”

(I can then hear wailing (as if on cue) from several children.)

Caller: “Now look what you’ve done! You made my children cry! I hope that makes you happy! Now are you going to take our dog or are you going to ruin our vacation?!”

Me: I’m sorry, but without proof of vaccinations, I can’t take your dog.”

Caller: “Well f*** you! You ruined our vacation!” *hangs up*

Me: Well, all righty then!

Has No Reservations With Her ‘Babies’

| Wales, UK | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Tourists/Travel

(As part of the tourist information service, we offer to arrange accommodation for visitors. Mostly these people turn up on the day, but occasionally we do get a few phone calls ahead of time. Usually these callers are elderly and therefore without Internet to look for their own accommodation.)

Me: “Bore da, Canolfan Groeso [Town]. Sut ga’ i helpu chi? Good morning, [Town] Tourist Information. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Oh, yes, please. I need a bed and breakfast for a week.”

Me: “Sure, I can try and find you vacancies. I can either pass on accommodation details or complete the booking for you, for a small fee deductible from the overall accommodation cost.”

Customer: “Great. I’d like to book through you if I can.”

Me: “Well, I’ll do my best. I’d like to know a little more about your itinerary if I may. I’ll need your name and phone number first of all, and then the dates you’d like from and to, as well as the number of your party.”

Customer: “Well, my name is [Customer] and my contact number is [Number]. I’d like anything for a fortnight in August, really. And there’s seven of us.”

Me: “Okay. I will just let you know now, that I may have to call you back the following day, rather than within the hour, unless you’re willing to compromise. Most accommodation for [Town] gets booked up over a year ahead. Placing seven of you for a fortnight may be difficult. If you don’t mind self-catering I can see if any of our larger registered properties have had cancellations.”

Customer: “Oh,dearie; they’re only small.”

Me: “Wait a minute… the seven. Asides yourself, are the other six in your party adults or children?”

Customer: “It’s me and my six babies.”

Me: *nearly choking since the customer sounds to be in her 70s* “Excuse me, just to clarify; you did say SIX babies?”

Customer: “That’s right, dearie. They’re only small. We’d all fit in one room. I usually let them sleep in my bed.”

Me: “Um, ma’am, just so you’re aware, most accommodators will not take more than two children per adult, particularly with infants, since if there were unfortunately a fire it might be that you could not get all of your children out safely. I really think you’d be best off searching for self-catering in a bungalow or chalet where it’s all on the ground floor.”

Customer: “Nonsense, dearie; their little legs work just fine. I often get a wrenched shoulder when I take them for walkies.”

Me: *twigging* “Ma’am, when you say seven in your party, do you mean yourself and six dogs?”

Customer: “Of course I do, dearie! But not just ANY dogs. They’re Westies you know. They’re all so sweet.”

Me: “I appreciate that they probably are, ma’am, but I can tell you now that none of the accommodators in [Town] will take six dogs. We have to push to get them to accept two or three per room. I honestly feel you’d be better off trying to self-cater. We have some farm accommodation that runs bed, breakfast ,and self-catering. You could try booking into a self-catering for a fortnight and then paying for breakfast by a separate arrangement?”

Customer: “What do people have against my babies? They’re all so sweet. How could anybody turn them down?”

Me: “Ma’am, I am sure they are great dogs – and please do not take offence – but I’m afraid not everybody is a dog lover, and some people have allergies. I also think that the majority of B&B accommodators may worry about noise with that many dogs. If you self-catered you’d have a whole cottage or bungalow to yourself. If you booked into a farm then you could leave them in the apartment whilst you went over for breakfast. Some of our farm accommodators even provide dog food for your stay, for an extra charge.”

Customer: “Nobody will hate my babies! Leave them in the apartment? No! They must have places at the table for every meal! EVERY meal!” *click*

Me: *down the now dead phone line* “Oooookay, then. Good luck finding somewhere.”

(She never called back, I’ve yet to hear from any of our accommodators as to whether she tried to book!)

Theme Of The Park Is All Natural

| New River Gorge, WV, USA | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

Customer: “How do you get the boat to spin like we just did? Is it hooked up to wires?”

Me: “Um… ma’am, we are rafting on a river. This is not a ride. There are no wires.”

Customer: “I thought this was a ride, like at a theme park.”

Me: “No, ma’am, this is a real river.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Guess I better not fall out, then.” *continues paddling*

Fairness Is Limited

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

(Customers have the option of buying a single-ride coupon or an unlimited rides ticket. It’s a particularly busy day, and the queue line on my ride is over 45 minutes long. The ride has just finished and most people are exiting, except for two customers.)

Me: “Hey, gentlemen, the exit is out that way, when you’re ready.”

Customer #1: “We’re staying on for another go.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you will have to line up again to ride, especially since it’s so busy.”

Customer #2: “But we have these.” *shows me his unlimited rides ticket* “See, unlimited.”

Me: “Yes, you can go on multiple rides in the park, but you still have to line up every time. It’s only fair.”

Customer #2: “But we have these!”

Me: “As do most of the people in this queue, sir.”

(On cue, most of the guests in the queue started waving their tickets at the pair. They finally left.)

Their Own Private Joke

| Spain | Hotels & Lodging, Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Tourists/Travel

(This happens on a class trip to Spain after a girl realizes she left her comb at home.)

Girl: *walks up to front desk* “Do you have any combs?”

Employee: “No hablo Ingles.”

Girl: *in Spanish* “Necesito un pene, por favor.”

Employee: *laughs hysterically*

Girl: *angry* “Hey! Necesito un pene!” *pantomimes brushing hair*

Employee: *realizes what’s going on, takes out comb, and hands it to girl*

Girl: “Sí!”

Employee: “Ese es ‘un peine.'” *That’s ‘un peine.’* “Un pene es:” *points to his privates*

Girl: “Oh. S***!”

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