July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Category: Tourists/Travel

The Next Tour Will Start In Approximately One Generation

| MI, USA | Tourists/Travel

Tourist: “Hi. You guys still give guided tours every half hour, right?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. We don’t have guided tours.”

Tourist: “What? You used to!”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, but we don’t.”

Tourist: “You used to have guided tours every half hour! You had then the last time I was here!”

Me: “I’ve been here six years, and we’ve never done that. How long ago were you here?”

Tourist: “Well, I guess it was… 22 years ago.”

Welsh Excuse Me

| Wales, UK | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

Customer: “WHY ARE ALL YOUR TOWN NAMES STUPID? CAN’T YOU SPELL?!”

Me: “Sir, please don’t shout. The town names around here are in Welsh, because you’re in Wales. I’m sorry if this offends you.”

Customer: “It’s not just offensive. It’s f***ing stupid!”

Me: “Sir, please don’t swear. The town names are part of our unique history. They tell us about our heritage.

Customer: Well your heritage f***ing sucks.

Me: Sir, can I actually help you with anything, or did you just come here to tell us that you don’t like Wales?

Customer: You all need to be more English. *leaves*

Coworker: Well… at least you didn’t need to ask him to leave!

Music Went From Lucky To Sucky

| GA, USA | Family & Kids, Musical Mayhem, Tourists/Travel

(I DJ at a theme park that has a built in water park. I am happily jamming to ‘Get Lucky’ by Daft Punk by the wave pool when a guest approaches my DJ booth.)

Customer: “Excuse me, ma’am, who makes the play list for the water park?”

Me: “I do, sir, but all the songs on my laptop have been pre-approved by upper management.”

Guest: “Well I have my eight-year-old with me, and she is asking what ‘get lucky’ means. What do you expect me to tell her?!”

Me: “I’m not sure, sir. I am very sorry my music selection has offended you. I didn’t mean any harm.”

Guest: *harumph* “I am taking this to upper management!”

(The man proceeds to tell my supervisor, who talks him out of taking his complaint any further by promising the song will be deleted and no longer played.)

Supervisor: *to me* “Meh, I like that song. If he was smart he would have just told his kid the song meant winning the lottery or something.”

(The rest of the time that particular guest was there, I played super safe things like The Beach Boys. But after that day, I have continued to play that song regularly.)

Doesn’t Always Take Practise, Practise, Practise…

| NY, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Musical Mayhem, Tourists/Travel

(My grandfather and I are taking a tour of a world-famous opera house many years ago when this happens:)

Tour Guide: “And now, we are in the stage area, where—”

Grandfather: *singing* “La la la la la!”

Tour Guide: “What was that, sir?”

Grandfather: “Now I can say I sang on stage at [Famous Opera House]!”

A Measure Of Common Sense

| UK | Family & Kids, Tourists/Travel

(My sister and I have taken our younger brother to a popular UK theme park. We see that the queue for the tea cups is very short, so we begin to get in line. Just as we do, we notice a woman at the front of the queue with a small child obviously too small to ride. She’s talking to the ride operator.)

Woman: “So, I walked all the way through the queue, only to be told he’s too small to ride! You twat!”

(As she begins to storm away, my sister sends her a death glare before turning to me.)

Sister: *loudly* “Maybe we should go back and measure [Brother].”

Me: “Why?”

Sister: *still loudly* “Because we don’t want to walk barely a meter only to be told he’s too small to ride. If we don’t want to look like utter idiots, we need to measure him before queuing up.”

Me: *catching on* “Yeah. That’s what anyone with COMMON SENSE would do.”

(The woman, who had been demanding to see a manager, turned bright red before hurrying away with her child. The ride operator gave us both a high five.)

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