• Understood The Concept Swimmingly
    (1,572 thumbs up)
  • November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

    Category: Tourists/Travel

    Have No Old Faithful In Humanity

    | West Yellowstone, MT, USA | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

    (My family and I go to visit my aunt and uncle in West Yellowstone, Montana, which is about an hour north of Yellowstone National Park. There are painted bison statues around town that are been part of a contest. My mom and I stop at a tourist information center.)

    Mom: “Excuse me; do you have a map of where the buffalo are?”

    Employee: “Oh, they’re all over the park. You just have to drive around and keep an eye out for them.”

    Mom: “…No, the painted ones around town.”

    Employee: “Oh! Yes, I do have a map of those.”

    Mom: “Do people seriously ask you that?”

    Employee: “Yes. They also ask when Old Faithful is turned on and when the bears are let out.”

    Speaking American Is A Country Diction In Terms, Part 3

    | Torino, Italy | Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    (As the city is hosting a big international event, we’ve been having a lot of people asking for information about venues, transports, and such. For guests’ convenience we set up two different lines, one for information in English and Spanish and one for information in French and German, as these are the four main languages our guests require. We used flags to represent languages, with a standard UK flag standing for English. A third colleague is standing by the door, answering questions in miscellaneous other languages and directing people to the lines. A couple walks in and addresses him in English.)

    Guest: “Excuse me, sir?”

    Coworker: “Yes, sir? How can I help you?”

    Guest: “We need information in American. Which one of these lines is the correct one?”

    (My coworker points to the English speaking line.)

    Guest: *pointing to the flag* “That’s an English flag. There’s no American flag here. Are you sure this is the correct line?”

    Coworker: *trying not to laugh* “Yes, sir. Yes, I’m quite sure it is.”

    (At this point the couple cuts the entire 20-something people line and simply walks up to me while I’m busy with another guest.)

    Guest: “Good morning, we would like to know if—”

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but you can’t just cut the line like that.”

    Guest: “But your colleague said this was the American speaking line.”

    Me: “It is sir, but as you can see there’s a lot of people waiting for information. You’ll have to wait like everybody else. I promise you it won’t be long.”

    Guest: “But… but… I’m AMERICAN!”

    Speaking American Is A Country Diction In Terms, Part 2
    Speaking American Is A Country Diction In Terms

    Swimming To A Fault

    | UK | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Hello!”

    Customer: “Three juniors for swimming, please.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (We have a strict policy at our pool that children under eight have to be accompanied by an adult. I can see that one of the children is under eight.)

    Me: “And is it just the children going swimming?”

    Customer: “Yes, I can’t go; I am ill.”

    Me: “Okay, how old are they?”

    Customer: *obviously Grandpa* “They are seven, twelve and thirteen.”

    Me: “I am sorry, sir, but I cannot allow the seven-year-old in the pool without an adult over the age of 16.”

    Customer: *shouting* “Tell me where is says that!”

    (I point to the BIG poster on the wall.)

    Customer: *walking away he shouts back* “YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE A HOLIDAY RESORT!” *he then says to the youngest child* “That woman wouldn’t let you in!”

    Me: “I am sorry that being on holiday seems to you that you can abandon all safety for you grandchildren. Please feel free to go outside, chuck them in the sea, and see how that goes. But that will probably be somebody else’s fault, too!”

    Put Your Faith In The Patch

    | Canada | Health & Body, Religion, Tourists/Travel

    (I work on a cruise line’s guest services desk. Frequently, passengers wear little patches that prevent sea sickness. One man comes to my desk.)

    Me: “Good afternoon. How can I help you?”

    Man: “I was wondering what religion the people with the patches are.”

    Needs To Be Coached On Buses

    | Reykjavik, Iceland | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

    Me: “These are your tickets, the bus is right out here—” *gestures to the door with a HUGE departures sign over it* “—and it will be marked with the tour name in the front window.”

    Customer: “Thank you.” *the customer walks away, turns around and walks back to me* “Sorry, which bus is it?”

    Me: “The bus is right out there and it’s the only one out on the lot.”

    Customer: “Thank you.”

    (Again he walks off, he walks out into the lot stares at THE ONLY BUS that’s there and then walks back to me.)

    Customer: “Sorry, what number will be on the bus?”

    Me: “The bus has the tour name in the front window and it’s the only bus departing at the moment.”

    (The customer walked off for the third time, walked towards the bus, walked around the bus, and had almost walked off, when the driver caught up with him and escorted him onto the bus.)