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    Category: Tourists/Travel

    Mountainous Gaps Of Knowledge

    | Brighton, UK | Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Hello, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hello. I want to go on holiday this summer. I’d like to visit somewhere a bit different.”

    Me: “Would you be interested in visiting mountains or skiing at all?”

    Customer: “That could be fun. Except I don’t like the cold.”

    Me: “Well places like the Pyrenees are in Spain, so it’s very hot at ground level and there’s lots to see.”

    Customer: “What? No, mountains are cold. They have snow on.”

    Me: “Yes, the peaks are colder because they are at a higher altitude.”

    Customer: “The bottom bit is hot?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “…but I thought mountains only grew in cold places?”

    Shogun The Way To Go Home

    | Tokyo, Japan | Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    (I work at the local train station. Having spent half my life living in Los Angeles, and the other living in Tokyo, I speak both English and Japanese. The other station masters tend to bring tourists to me, since their English isn’t as good as mine. A tourist approaches me and speaks loudly, slowly, and with very large hand gestures)

    Tourist: “I’m trying to get to [station]! Can you help me?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. I actually grew up in Los Angeles, so I can speak English.”

    Tourist: *still speaking in the same way* “No, I’m not from Los Angeles! I’m trying to get to [station]!”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I just meant that I spent a lot of time in Los Angeles.”

    Tourist: “No! Not Los Angeles! [Station]!”

    (The woman’s husband, hearing his wife shouting, joins us.)

    Tourist’s Husband: *to his wife* “What’s going on?”

    Tourist: “This dumb guy keeps asking if we’re from Los Angeles!”

    Tourist’s Husband: “Why would he think that?”

    Tourist: “I don’t know!”

    Tourist’s Husband: *to me, speaking clearly, but not extremely slowly* “We’re trying to get to [station].”

    (I provide directions to the station.)

    Tourist’s Husband: “You speak English very well!”

    Me: “Thank you sir. As I tried to explain to your wife, I grew up in Los Angeles, so I speak English.”

    Tourist’s Husband: *sighs* “I’m sorry you had to put up with her. Thanks for the directions.”

    (As they are walking away, I hear the woman proudly tell her husband, “I told you those Japanese lessons we took would pay off!”)

    It’s All Dutch To Me

    | Eindhoven, Netherlands | Canada, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    Customer: “Hey, can I buy these, please?”

    Me: “Sure. That’ll be 10 euros.”

    (The customer hands me 10 Canadian dollars.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t take that currency.”

    Customer: “What? Why?”

    Me: “Because this isn’t Canada.”

    Customer: “But I thought you guys use Canadian dollars? My friend said they use Canadian dollars outside the US.”

    Me: “We don’t. We use Euros here.”

    Customer: “Since when?”

    Me: “Since 2002. Although before that, we used guilders, so your dollars would still be useless.”

    Customer: “But they’re Canadian dollars!”

    Me: “But this isn’t Canada.”

    (At this point, I take a second look at the magazines he’s trying to buy.)

    Me: ” Excuse me, but do you speak Dutch?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Then why are you buying Dutch magazines?”

    Customer: “I thought they’d be in English.”

    Me: “Because they speak English in Canada?”

    Customer: *blushing* “Yeah.”

    Not All Customers Are Bona-Fido

    | USA | Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Spouses & Partners, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “[Doctor's] office, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Hi, there! I was wondering if I could get an appointment for today?”

    Me: “Most likely. What type of animal do you have?”

    Customer: *noticeable pause* “I have a dog. I just need the shots to go overseas.”

    Me: “How exciting! When are you traveling?”

    Customer: “Tomorrow. I tried to get an appointment at the other doctor, but he couldn’t fit me in.”

    Me: “Well, just for a vaccination, I think we can manage that around four p.m. today. Do you happen to know what shots your dog needs?”

    Customer: “My dog?”

    Me: “Yes…to go abroad.”

    Customer: “Why would I give shots to my dog? He’s staying here. I need shots for my wife and me.”

    Me: “Sir, this is a veterinarian’s office. We treat animals here.”

    Customer: “But my flight’s tomorrow! Can’t you make an exception?”

    Me: “Sir, that would be highly illegal. And we only carry shots designed for dogs. We don’t have the type you’d need.”

    Customer: “Fine! I’m going to report you to the state!” *click*

    (The phone rings a moment later.)

    Me: “[Doctor's] office, how can I help you today?”

    Same Customer: “Um…my wife wants to know if you have dog boarding.”

    Yukon Not Spend It

    | Alberta, Canada | Canada, Money, Tourists/Travel

    Customer: "Why is my credit card being denied?"

    Me: "Is it an American credit card?"

    Customer: "Yes, I’m from Texas and I’m traveling to Alaska."

    Me: "Credit card companies sometimes block purchases made in other countries if they don’t know you’re traveling."

    Customer: "But I’m not in another country."

    Me: "This is Canada, sir."

    Customer: "But it’s on the way to Alaska."

    Me: "I know sir, but it’s still another country, so you probably need to call your credit card company."

    Customer: "What stupid country is this?!"

    Me: "Actually sir, it would happen with any country you travel to because it’s a safety feature for your own security."

    Customer: "Well, if Canada wasn’t in the way of Alaska, this wouldn’t be a problem!"

    Related:
    Yukon Not Believe This Juan
    Yukon Spend It
    Yukon See It On A Map, Part 2
    Yukon See It On A Map


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