Category: Tourists/Travel

As Helpless As A Baby

| Seattle, WA, USA | Top, Tourists/Travel

Me: “Welcome to *** Airlines. How can I help today?”

Caller: “I need to book a ticket for my husband for May 3rd, from Tampa to Grand Rapids, Michigan.”

Me: “Thanks. Would he prefer morning, afternoon, or evening flights?”

Caller: “What does that mean?”

Me: “The morning flight leaves in the morning, at 6:45 am. The afternoon flight leaves at 1:20 pm in the afternoon. The evening flight leaves at 6:25 pm.”

Caller: “Can he get there in time?”

Me: “I don’t know, ma’am. That depends on where he’s leaving from, and how far he has to drive to the airport.”

Caller: “Oh. And those are all on May 3rd?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Caller: “My doctor’s inducing my labor on May 2nd. Will he get here in time?”

Me: “I really don’t know how long your labor will last, ma’am. That’s something you should probably consult your doctor about.”

Caller: “But is May 2nd the same day?”

Me: *baffled* “The same day as…?”

Caller: “The same day as May 3rd!”

Me: “No, ma’am. May 3rd is the day after May 2nd.”

Caller: “But what if it’s 5 in the morning?”

Me: “It’s either 5 in the morning on May 2nd, or 5 in the morning on May 3rd.”

Caller: “But is it the same day?”

Me: “Maybe you should have your husband call to book his own flight, because he’ll know how long it takes to get to the airport.”

Caller: “That’s a good idea. Should he book it for May 2nd or May 3rd?”

Me: “You should probably ask your doctor first.”

Caller: “I guess. You people make it so complicated to buy a ticket!”

Lack Of Grey Matter, Part 3

| Kent, UK | Tourists/Travel

(During an audio/visual experience of the siege of 1216 within a castle, I am approached by a tourist.)

Tourist: “Excuse me, sir. Can you help me with a question?”

Me: “Of course. What would you like to know?”

Tourist: “Is the footage being shown actual live footage of the siege of 1216?”

Me: “You want to know if this video is showing actual footage of the siege of 1216?”

Tourist: “How silly of me. They only had black and white video back then, didn’t they?”

Related:
Lack Of Grey Matter, Part 2
Lack Of Grey Matter

Adapt Your Knowledge Or Become Incontinent

| FL, USA | Tourists/Travel

(A customer is looking for a travel adapter for Egypt.)

Me: “Here is one that will work. It is for Africa?”

Customer: “I am not going to Africa. I am going to Egypt!”

Me: “Egypt is on the African continent.”

Customer: “Africa is a continent?”

Caldera Cravings

| CA, USA | Math & Science, Tourists/Travel

Tourist: “Have I seen everything there is to see here?”

Me: “I don’t know, ma’am. What have you seen?”

Tourist: “Everything on the way in. Have I seen it all?”

(I point out several of the other options.)

Tourist: “Can I drive through any of the caves?”

Me: “Nope, sorry. They all have to be walked through.”

Tourist: “That’s ridiculous! Is there at least an elevator?”

Me: “Nope, just stairs.”

Tourist: “Well, where’s the river of lava? I was here a few years ago, and I got to stand by the lava.”

Me: “Ma’am, molten lava hasn’t been here for over 1,000 years.”

Tourist: “Yes it has! I’ve seen it! You just haven’t been here long enough!”

This Deal Is A Steal

| Iceland | Criminal/Illegal, Tourists/Travel

(I’m assisting a tourist that is looking for a t-shirt to take home with pictures of Iceland on them.)

Me: “Well, we don’t sell those t-shirts but there are quite a few of them down town and I know of one that has a 3 for 2 special offer on t-shirts.”

Customer: “Could you also explain to me what a 3 for 2 offer is?”

Me: “Sure, it means that you get 3 t-shirts for the price of 2.”

Customer: “I don’t understand, so we steal the 3rd one? Isn’t shoplifting illegal here like in the states?”

Me: “Yes, shoplifting is illegal here, but you wouldn’t be stealing the 3rd shirt. It just means that you choose 3 t-shirts and pay for 2 and then get the 3rd as a free gift sort of.”

Customer: “I don’t get it.”

Me: “You choose 3 t-shirts, and as the sales person scans them in to the register you get a 100% discount on the 3rd t-shirt. Therefore, you’ll get it for free with the other 2.”

Customer: “I’ll go down there, but if they arrest me for shoplifting, I’m telling the police that you told me to!”

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