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    Category: Tourists/Travel

    Cross Examining Churches

    | Saint John, NB, Canada | Religion, Tourists/Travel

    (I don’t work in tourism though I must seem like a friendly person since I do get a lot of people stopping me to ask questions of where things are.)

    Tourist: “Are you familiar with the area? Do you live around here?”

    Me: “Yes I do, what can I help you with?”

    Tourist: “I’m looking for a cathedral in this area somewhere.”

    Me: “Okay, which one in particular? There’s about four around here.”

    Tourist: “I’m looking for a Catholic cathedral.”

    Me: “Okay, let me think…the Anglican church is that way, there’s one near by don’t know what it is, one over up the street a ways–”

    Tourist: “I don’t want no Anglican church! Bloody Anglican whores! I want Catholic!”

    Me: “I think it’s that one right over there.” *I point at the church*

    Tourist: “Yes, that’s a cathedral. It had better not be Anglican or I’ll hunt you down!”

    What’s Red Or Blue And Dumb All Over

    | Alaska, USA | Tourists/Travel

    (I work for a cruise line. We ported in a small town where we were too big for the local harbor, so we had to tender the passengers ashore in smaller boats. The passengers are lining up to be issued a tender ticket so they could go ashore. The tickets just happen to be red or blue, but the colors don’t mean anything.)

    Passenger: “What’s the difference between the red tickets and the blue tickets?”

    Me: *joking* “Well the red tickets operate as a life preserver in case of an emergency, the blue tickets will turn to stone and take you straight to the bottom. You’ll have to decide among yourselves who gets what.”

    (The entire line behind the passenger bursts into hysterical laughter, I’m having difficulty holding a straight face, but the original passenger is staring at me completely horror-stricken.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m joking…there’s no difference.”

    Passenger: “Are… are you sure?!”

    You’ll Have To Connect At Baked Alaska

    | London, UK | Funny Names, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Hi, would you like to buy a ticket?”

    Customer: “Yes, when is your next flight to Oregano?”

    Me: “Oregano?”

    Customer: “Yeah, it’s in America. I think it’s a state?”

    (On my computer, I find the Wikipedia page for Oregano.)

    Customer: “Oh…I’m not dumb, I swear…”

    No Aptitude For Latitude, Part 2

    | Anchorage, AK, USA | Technology, Tourists/Travel

    (I am talking to a woman on the phone who needs to call back the next day. She is in Texas).

    Caller: “What time is it there?”

    Me: “Three thirty.”

    Caller: “In the morning?”

    Me: “No, in the afternoon.”

    Caller: “Oh. Of what day?”

    Me: “Saturday. We’re only three hours different from you.”

    Caller: “Really?” *pause* “Is it snowing?”

    Me: “No ma’am, its August. Its nice and sunny out.”

    Caller: “Oh wow!”

    Related:
    Yukon Freeze It
    No Vocation For Location
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 4
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 3
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 2
    No Fortitude For Longitude
    No Aptitude For Latitude

    I Hear Sea Shells On The Sea Shore

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

    (I work at a small shop that sells sea shells and other beach items. A customer comes in and holds a piece of merchandise to her ear.)

    Customer: “I think I can hear the ocean. I thought they were lying!”

    Me: “Um, ma’am…”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “You’re holding a cup with a seashell painted on it to your ear.”


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