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    Category: Tourists/Travel

    I Left My Job In San Fresno

    | Fresno, CA, USA | Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Thank you for calling [hotel]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I have a reservation under [name]. I’m at the airport and need a shuttle to pick me up.”

    Me: “Sure thing, sir. I’ll send it right out! Just wait by the taxi island outside of baggage claim.”

    (About 15 minutes later, the driver calls me saying he can’t see anyone. At the same time the customer calls back.)

    Customer: “Hi, I was wondering if the shuttle was on its way.”

    Me: “The driver is out there now, sir, and has circled around but says he can’t see anyone. Are you by baggage claim at the taxi island?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m by the cabs on the second level.”

    Me: “Wait, second level? Sir, what airport are you at now?”

    Customer: “At San Francisco airport, of course.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not sure how to tell you this, but you’re in San Francisco.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I just said that!”

    Me: “This hotel is in Fresno.”

    Customer: “Yeah, Fresno is like a suburb, right?”

    Me: “We’re about two hours away in central California.”

    Customer: “Oh my God, it’s midnight and I have an interview at 7am in Fresno. I’m screwed!”

    (I directed the customer to information. Thankfully, he was able to find one last rental car place open, and made it just in time to change for his interview.)

    As Helpless As A Baby

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Top, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Welcome to *** Airlines. How can I help today?”

    Caller: “I need to book a ticket for my husband for May 3rd, from Tampa to Grand Rapids, Michigan.”

    Me: “Thanks. Would he prefer morning, afternoon, or evening flights?”

    Caller: “What does that mean?”

    Me: “The morning flight leaves in the morning, at 6:45 am. The afternoon flight leaves at 1:20 pm in the afternoon. The evening flight leaves at 6:25 pm.”

    Caller: “Can he get there in time?”

    Me: “I don’t know, ma’am. That depends on where he’s leaving from, and how far he has to drive to the airport.”

    Caller: “Oh. And those are all on May 3rd?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Caller: “My doctor’s inducing my labor on May 2nd. Will he get here in time?”

    Me: “I really don’t know how long your labor will last, ma’am. That’s something you should probably consult your doctor about.”

    Caller: “But is May 2nd the same day?”

    Me: *baffled* “The same day as…?”

    Caller: “The same day as May 3rd!”

    Me: “No, ma’am. May 3rd is the day after May 2nd.”

    Caller: “But what if it’s 5 in the morning?”

    Me: “It’s either 5 in the morning on May 2nd, or 5 in the morning on May 3rd.”

    Caller: “But is it the same day?”

    Me: “Maybe you should have your husband call to book his own flight, because he’ll know how long it takes to get to the airport.”

    Caller: “That’s a good idea. Should he book it for May 2nd or May 3rd?”

    Me: “You should probably ask your doctor first.”

    Caller: “I guess. You people make it so complicated to buy a ticket!”

    Lack Of Grey Matter, Part 3

    | Kent, UK | Tourists/Travel

    (During an audio/visual experience of the siege of 1216 within a castle, I am approached by a tourist.)

    Tourist: “Excuse me, sir. Can you help me with a question?”

    Me: “Of course. What would you like to know?”

    Tourist: “Is the footage being shown actual live footage of the siege of 1216?”

    Me: “You want to know if this video is showing actual footage of the siege of 1216?”

    Tourist: “How silly of me. They only had black and white video back then, didn’t they?”

    Lack Of Grey Matter, Part 2
    Lack Of Grey Matter

    Adapt Your Knowledge Or Become Incontinent

    | FL, USA | Tourists/Travel

    (A customer is looking for a travel adapter for Egypt.)

    Me: “Here is one that will work. It is for Africa?”

    Customer: “I am not going to Africa. I am going to Egypt!”

    Me: “Egypt is on the African continent.”

    Customer: “Africa is a continent?”

    Caldera Cravings

    | CA, USA | Math & Science, Tourists/Travel

    Tourist: “Have I seen everything there is to see here?”

    Me: “I don’t know, ma’am. What have you seen?”

    Tourist: “Everything on the way in. Have I seen it all?”

    (I point out several of the other options.)

    Tourist: “Can I drive through any of the caves?”

    Me: “Nope, sorry. They all have to be walked through.”

    Tourist: “That’s ridiculous! Is there at least an elevator?”

    Me: “Nope, just stairs.”

    Tourist: “Well, where’s the river of lava? I was here a few years ago, and I got to stand by the lava.”

    Me: “Ma’am, molten lava hasn’t been here for over 1,000 years.”

    Tourist: “Yes it has! I’ve seen it! You just haven’t been here long enough!”

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