Category: Tourists/Travel

Slightly Accented Hair

| NY, USA | Canada, Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

(I have lilac hair with blue tips. I also wear light grey contacts, and I have slight Irish accent.)

Customer: “Oh my, such pretty hair you have!”

Me: “Thank you!”

Customer: “Is it natural?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Like, were you born with that hair color? That’s so peculiar!”

Customer’s friend: “That’s not the only thing peculiar about her! Look at her eyes, they’re so big and grey!”

Me: “Oh, they’re just contact lenses.”

Customer’s Friend: “Look, she’s even speaking with a weird accent! You must not be from here! Are you from Canada?”

Customer and her Friend: *simultaneously* “Ah, Canadians!”

Not Harnessing The Brain Waves

| NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

(I work at guest services aboard a cruise ship that does 5-day cruises to Canada. We get pretty wacky questions sometimes. A man comes up to the desk.)

Guest: “Excuse me, I have a question.”

Me: “Yes, sir?”

Guest: “Where does the water in the pools come from?”

Me: “We actually convert seawater into freshwater and put it into the pools.”

Guest: “Oh, so that’s why the water’s splashing so much!”

No Vocation For Location, Part 4

| Chicago, IL, USA | Geography, Hotels & Lodging, Tourists/Travel

(A nice German family is checking into the hotel around 10:30 at night.)

Father: “We have to be up early tomorrow. We’re driving to Disneyland tomorrow.”

Me: “Wow, that’s a heck of a drive. When do you think you’ll get there?”

Father: “I don’t know. I was hoping mid-afternoon.”

Me: “I think you might want to check your directions. California is 2,000 miles away.”

Father: “But it’s just the other side of the country.”

Me: “The US is a big country, sir.”

Related:
No Vocation For Location, Part 3
No Vocation For Location, Part 2
No Vocation For Location

Yukon Not Steal It

| Strasbourg, France | Canada, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

(I’m Canadian, but I’m visiting my French cousin and helping him do some repairs on his cafe. While we’re working, a large family passes by, obviously lost. I’m wearing a shirt with a large Canadian flag on the back.)

Mother: “Excuse me! I’m sorry to bother you, but are you Canadian?”

Me: “Yes, I am.”

Mother: “Thank god! We’ve been lost for hours.”

(She shows me her map. Ultimately, I work out they’re trying to cross the border into Germany, but got lost trying to find out how to get there.)

Father: “Good thing the signs are all in French, or else we wouldn’t have managed to find our way around anywhere!”

Me: “Yeah, it sure makes things easier for Canadians, eh?”

(Suddenly, there’s a scuffle behind me. My cousin comes out dragging two of their sons behind him.)

Cousin: “They were trying to steal bottles of juice! I heard them planning it!”

Son #1: *to Son #2* “Well, how was I supposed to know they speak French here? They all sound so different!”

(Quebecois and French speakers do sound somewhat different, but angry mothers are universal!)

Related:
Yukon Call Them
Yukon See It On A Map, Part 3
Yukon Not Spend It
Yukon Not Believe This Juan

Big Lies Are Better Than Small Ones, Part 2

| BC, Canada | Canada, Tourists/Travel

(A tourist and his friend come into my gas station.)

Tourist: “Where’s all the snow and igloos?”

(I think he’s just joking, so I play along.)

Me: “Oh, we put them away during the tourist season to make Americans feel more at home.”

Tourist: “That sounds like a lot of work.”

Me: “Keeps us strong for lumberjacking, eh. All part of that Canadian hospitality.”

Tourist: “Makes sense. Thanks bro.” *leaves*

Tourist’s Friend: “He thinks you’re serious.”

Me: *facepalm*

Related:
Big Lies Are Better Than Small Ones

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