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    Category: Tourists/Travel

    They Sneak Up On Ya

    | Prince Rupert, BC, Canada | Tourists/Travel

    Customer: “Hey, are there any Indian attacks on this village?”

    Me: *taken aback* “Um. No. No, there are not.”

    Customer: “Well, what about the sign?”

    Me: “What sign?”

    Customer: “The sign that says ‘Watch Out For Ava-LAN-cheez’.”

    (From his pronunciation, it’s clear what he’s actually referring to are Apaches, not avalanches.)

    Me: *trying not to laugh* “Um, no…they never attack our small village anymore.”

    Make Benefit Glorious Guestlogisticstan

    | Florida, USA | Geography, Tourists/Travel

    (I work for a very well known cruise line in Florida. More likely than not, the crew members are not from the US. The people in the terminal on the other hand, are usually locals.)

    Me: “Welcome to [cruise line], how are you today?”

    Customer: *turning to wife* “Honey, she’s foreign.”

    (He then turns back to me, flashes a huge smile, and starts speaking in incredibly slow English)

    Customer: “Hello!” *glances at my name tag* “My! I’ve never heard of a country called ‘Guestlogistics’! Where is that?”

    Me: “Sir, that’s my position here at the terminal. I’m actually from around here.”

    Customer: “Is that in Europe?”

    Me: “No, I’m from [next town over].”

    Customer: *blank stare* “Okay…anyway, we’re all here to check in.”

    Don’t Even Bother With New England

    | New Mexico, USA | Tourists/Travel

    (I manage a tourist center that welcomes people coming into New Mexico. An obviously American tourist comes into the center.)

    Tourist: *in broken Spanish* “Excuse me! I think you all forgot something.”

    Me: *in English* “Yes, how can I help you?”

    Tourist: *more broken Spanish* “Nobody was checking for
    passports when we crossed the border here.”

    Me: “Passports?”

    Tourist: “We are in Mexico now, after all.”

    Me: “This is New Mexico, sir. You don’t need a passport to–”

    Tourist: “What’s to stop illegal immigrants from coming into the United States if they don’t check our passports coming into New Mexico?”

    Me: “Sir, New Mexico is part of the United States.”

    Tourist: “Now you’re just lying to me.”

    Non Sequitur, Part 2

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA | Extra Stupid, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (A customer sits down at my poker table. He is clearly high out of his mind.)

    Customer: “Hey, man, what’s your sign?”

    Me: “Uh…I’m a Leo. What’s yours?”

    (The customer thinks about this for a full minute.)

    Customer: “I’m a marshmallow.”

    The Great State Of Confusion

    | Michigan, USA | Tourists/Travel

    (I work at the front booth charging entry and parking fees to park visitors. Most of these visitors are tourists from Chicago. The entry fee is different for in-state and out-of-state license plates on the vehicles.)

    Me: “Hello! Welcome to [state park]. Do you have a Michigan license plate or an out of state license plate?”

    Customer: “No. No, I don’t have that.”

    Me: “Are you from Michigan or out-of-state? What is the state on your license plate?”

    (Suddenly, the customer screams loudly and throws his hands up in the air as if he were terrified.)

    Customer: “My ID! You need to see my ID? I have ID!”

    Me: “Sir, I don’t need to see your ID. I just want to know where you are from.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    Me: “What state are you from?”

    Customer: “Chicago. The state of Chicago.”

    Related:
    The Great State Of Ignorance

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