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    Category: Tourists/Travel

    Don’t Even Bother With New England

    | New Mexico, USA | Tourists/Travel

    (I manage a tourist center that welcomes people coming into New Mexico. An obviously American tourist comes into the center.)

    Tourist: *in broken Spanish* “Excuse me! I think you all forgot something.”

    Me: *in English* “Yes, how can I help you?”

    Tourist: *more broken Spanish* “Nobody was checking for
    passports when we crossed the border here.”

    Me: “Passports?”

    Tourist: “We are in Mexico now, after all.”

    Me: “This is New Mexico, sir. You don’t need a passport to–”

    Tourist: “What’s to stop illegal immigrants from coming into the United States if they don’t check our passports coming into New Mexico?”

    Me: “Sir, New Mexico is part of the United States.”

    Tourist: “Now you’re just lying to me.”

    Non Sequitur, Part 2

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA | Extra Stupid, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (A customer sits down at my poker table. He is clearly high out of his mind.)

    Customer: “Hey, man, what’s your sign?”

    Me: “Uh…I’m a Leo. What’s yours?”

    (The customer thinks about this for a full minute.)

    Customer: “I’m a marshmallow.”

    The Great State Of Confusion

    | Michigan, USA | Tourists/Travel

    (I work at the front booth charging entry and parking fees to park visitors. Most of these visitors are tourists from Chicago. The entry fee is different for in-state and out-of-state license plates on the vehicles.)

    Me: “Hello! Welcome to [state park]. Do you have a Michigan license plate or an out of state license plate?”

    Customer: “No. No, I don’t have that.”

    Me: “Are you from Michigan or out-of-state? What is the state on your license plate?”

    (Suddenly, the customer screams loudly and throws his hands up in the air as if he were terrified.)

    Customer: “My ID! You need to see my ID? I have ID!”

    Me: “Sir, I don’t need to see your ID. I just want to know where you are from.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    Me: “What state are you from?”

    Customer: “Chicago. The state of Chicago.”

    Related:
    The Great State Of Ignorance

    Does Mother Nature Have A Permit

    , | Harpers Ferry, WV, USA | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

    (We are whitewater rafting in West Virginia. While floating between rapids, a girl in her mid-20s from a large city in Virginia, randomly starts asking me questions.)

    Customer: “Man! There are a lot of trees here. Why are there so many trees? Can’t you take some of them out?”

    Me: “Um, okay. Why do we need to take the trees out?”

    Customer: “Well, I thought trees had to be at least 20 feet apart!”

    (It’s obvious she’s a city girl, so I decide to have a little fun.)

    Me: “Oh, well let me explain. You see, over in Virginia, they plowed down the forest, built your parking lot, and then planted a couple trees to try and make it look pretty. Here in West Virginia, the trees naturally grew this way and we decided to leave them because we like oxygen.”

    Customer: “Oh…well, trees are ugly.”

    Too Provincial With Provinces

    | Niagara Falls, ON, Canada | Tourists/Travel

    (As employees exit the train they are divided and reboarded to a new train based on their destination. At this point, we determine where they are traveling and forward them there. A train has just arrived from USA and is making it’s first stop in Canada.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am, what is your final destination today?”

    Customer: “Canada.”

    Me: “Where in Canada will you be traveling?”

    Customer: “Ontario, Canada.”

    Me: “What is the final stop in Canada you will be going to today?”

    Customer: “Ontario.”

    Me: “Ontario is a province, like New York State or Florida. Where in the province of Ontario are you going?”

    Customer: “Canada, but you obviously don’t know as well as I do. I’ll just talk to someone else!”

    Me: “Have a good day!”

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