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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Tourists/Travel

    Caldera Cravings

    | CA, USA | Math & Science, Tourists/Travel

    Tourist: “Have I seen everything there is to see here?”

    Me: “I don’t know, ma’am. What have you seen?”

    Tourist: “Everything on the way in. Have I seen it all?”

    (I point out several of the other options.)

    Tourist: “Can I drive through any of the caves?”

    Me: “Nope, sorry. They all have to be walked through.”

    Tourist: “That’s ridiculous! Is there at least an elevator?”

    Me: “Nope, just stairs.”

    Tourist: “Well, where’s the river of lava? I was here a few years ago, and I got to stand by the lava.”

    Me: “Ma’am, molten lava hasn’t been here for over 1,000 years.”

    Tourist: “Yes it has! I’ve seen it! You just haven’t been here long enough!”

    This Deal Is A Steal

    | Iceland | Criminal/Illegal, Tourists/Travel

    (I’m assisting a tourist that is looking for a t-shirt to take home with pictures of Iceland on them.)

    Me: “Well, we don’t sell those t-shirts but there are quite a few of them down town and I know of one that has a 3 for 2 special offer on t-shirts.”

    Customer: “Could you also explain to me what a 3 for 2 offer is?”

    Me: “Sure, it means that you get 3 t-shirts for the price of 2.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand, so we steal the 3rd one? Isn’t shoplifting illegal here like in the states?”

    Me: “Yes, shoplifting is illegal here, but you wouldn’t be stealing the 3rd shirt. It just means that you choose 3 t-shirts and pay for 2 and then get the 3rd as a free gift sort of.”

    Customer: “I don’t get it.”

    Me: “You choose 3 t-shirts, and as the sales person scans them in to the register you get a 100% discount on the 3rd t-shirt. Therefore, you’ll get it for free with the other 2.”

    Customer: “I’ll go down there, but if they arrest me for shoplifting, I’m telling the police that you told me to!”

    I Have A Sinking Feeling

    | Oak Harbor, WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (Note: We have posters of real and fictional places on the walls.)

    Customer: “Can I book a trip there?” *points at a poster of Atlantis*

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s not a real place.”

    Customer: *angry* “Then why is it on your wall!? That confuses people!”

    Me: “We figured most people knew that there are no cities under water.”

    Customer: “You shouldn’t assume everybody is that smart!”

    In-Tent Is Lacking

    | MN, USA | Tourists/Travel

    Me: “[Campgrounds], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Do you have any places available?”

    Me: “Yes, we have sites open. What kind are you looking for?”

    Customer: “I want to go camping.”

    Me: “Do you want water and electricity or just a plain site?”

    Customer: “Just a site.”

    Me: “Ok, so we’ll see you this weekend. I just need your name and I’ll reserve it.”

    Customer: “Do you have the houses with zippers?”

    Me: “You mean a tent?”

    Customer: “Yeah, the house with a zipper. Do you have them?”

    Me: “No, you bring your own.”

    Customer: “Oh. Do you know where I can get one?”

    (I list a few generic stores.)

    Customer: “Okay, thank you. Do you have water?”

    Me: “No, your site doesn’t have a water hook-up. You can fill up at any site not being used.”

    Customer: “What can I fill up?”

    Me: “A water bottle, a pail or anything.”

    Customer: “Do you have coolers for us?”

    Me: “No, you have to bring your own.”

    Customer: “Where can I get one?”

    Losing Cruise Control

    | Keene, NH, USA | Bizarre, Spouses & Partners, Tourists/Travel

    (I am working in the fitting room when a woman walks up to my counter.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. How many items?”

    Customer: “You don’t sell winter jackets, do you? I didn’t see any. Nothing like this that I bought at [other store]. This cost me only eighty-nine dollars!”

    Me: “That’s very nice, ma’am.”

    (I try to remain friendly as the woman shows me her jacket, her purse, and the shoes she is currently wearing. This goes on for about ten minutes.)

    Customer: “You know, I went on a cruise a few weeks ago. Now I need to buy a swim suit, but I don’t suppose you have any, do you?”

    Me: “Actually, we just got a bunch of bathing suits in a few weeks ago. They’re over in the corner of the women’s department.”

    (The customer spends about ten more minutes telling me about all of the different cruises she had been on. I’m trying not to be rude, but I have other customers who are trying to get into the fitting room. One by one they go in, and one by one this customer stops them to tell them about all of her cruises. All in all, this lasts for about fifteen more minutes.)

    Customer: “And would you believe that I’m fifty eight years old! I look great for my age, don’t you think? It’s because of all of the cruises I’ve been on! At least two a year. I’m very rich.”

    Me: “That’s nice, ma’am.”

    (Eventually, the customer’s husband comes over and grabs her by the arm.)

    Customer’s husband: “Why are you still over here?! You’ve been here for nearly half an hour.”

    Customer: “Oh, I was just telling this nice young lady about all of the cruises you’ve taken me on!”

    Customer’s husband: “You’ve never been on a god d*** cruise in your entire life, you old bat!”


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