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    Category: Tourists/Travel

    Too Provincial With Provinces

    | Niagara Falls, ON, Canada | Tourists/Travel

    (As employees exit the train they are divided and reboarded to a new train based on their destination. At this point, we determine where they are traveling and forward them there. A train has just arrived from USA and is making it’s first stop in Canada.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am, what is your final destination today?”

    Customer: “Canada.”

    Me: “Where in Canada will you be traveling?”

    Customer: “Ontario, Canada.”

    Me: “What is the final stop in Canada you will be going to today?”

    Customer: “Ontario.”

    Me: “Ontario is a province, like New York State or Florida. Where in the province of Ontario are you going?”

    Customer: “Canada, but you obviously don’t know as well as I do. I’ll just talk to someone else!”

    Me: “Have a good day!”

    The Great State Of Ignorance

    | Texas, USA | Tourists/Travel

    (I am a cave tour guide. I’m talking about one of the cave’s rooms when a tourist raises her hand.)

    Tourist: “Where are we right now?”

    Me: “I believe we are north of where we came in, ma’am, but I can’t be sure because of all the twists and turns down here.”

    Tourist: “No, no, I want to know where we are right now!”

    Me: *confused as to what she wants* “Um, near the highway? We’re in [city]?”

    Tourist: “No! What state are we in?”

    (The entire group stares in amazement.)

    Me: “We are in Texas, ma’am.”

    Tourist: “Good. I thought we were in South Dakota or some s*** like that! Carry on.”

    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 2

    | Nova Scotia, Canada | Canada, Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

    (The majority of the customers coming into this shop are from off of the cruise ships and mainly American.)

    Me: “Is there anything I can help you with today, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Um, yes…could you tell me where I am?”

    Me: “Yup, you’re in Canada.”

    Customer: “And where is Canada?”

    Me: “Um, well, if you look at a map, it’s that large country on top of your country.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    (She looks baffled by this new piece of information and slowly turns around and walks away.)

    Related:
    Canada: America’s Hat

    The Sweet Smell Of Savings

    , | Chino, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

    (A customer comes to my window and I help him get his entry and equipment rentals. I also give him a coupon for his next visit.)

    Me: “Here is a coupon for $5 off your next visit.”

    (The customer starts to scratch the coupon.)

    Customer: “What’s it do?”

    Me: “Sir, it’s not scratch and sniff. It gets you $5 off you next visit.”

    (He scratches the coupon with more force, then smells it.)

    Customer: “I don’t smell anything. What’s it do?”

    Me: “It’s a $5 off coupon for your next visit.”

    (The customer scratches the coupon some more.)

    Customer: “Ugh! I don’t understand. I scratch it and it doesn’t smell like anything. What does it do?!”

    Me: “The next time you come back, you bring this with you and you save $5 on your entry.”

    Customer: “Oh, so it doesn’t smell like anything?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “And I save $5 on my next visit?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Oh, I’m from out of state, so, no thank you!”

    They Swim Upriver To Mate

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Tourists/Travel

    Customer: “I would like to schedule a Grand Canyon white water rafting and whale watching trip, please.”

    Me: “So you’d like a tour to go to the Grand Canyon and then a tour to the ocean for whale watching?”

    Customer: “No, I want to see the whales at the Grand Canyon!”

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