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    Category: Tourists/Travel

    Your Brain Runneth Over

    | Ontario, Canada | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

    (I work on the Rideau Canal, a lock system first built just after the war of 1812. In addition to operating the locks, we sell passes and talk about the history and operation of the system. One particularly busy day, a tourist approaches me as we are filling the lock chamber.)

    Tourist: “So, where does all this water come from?”

    Me: “It flows down from Upper Rideau Lake, hence the name of the system.”

    Tourist: “So, it fills all the locks?”

    Me: “That’s right.”

    Tourist: “But what about when you run out?”

    Me: “…Excuse me?”

    Tourist: “Well, look at all that water! That has to be a thousand gallons in this basin alone. You could use up to a million in a day. That’s just wasteful, and the lake will eventually run out!”

    (At this point, 23 boats are waiting to go through, and I don’t have time to explain the water cycle, so I just say the first thing I thought up.)

    Me: “Actually, sir, we have giant buckets at both ends to catch all the water and put it back into the lake every night.”

    Tourist: “Oh, I see! That’s very good of you guys to think of the environment!” *wanders off happily*

    The Linguistic Frontier

    | Alaska, USA | Geography, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    (I was born and raised in Alaska. I’ve been told by a lot of people that I sound very generically American. I’ve been answering questions for this couple for about five minutes.)

    Me: “Let me know if there’s anything else I can help you with!”

    Male Tourist: “No, we’ll be fine, thanks.”

    Me: “Okay. Enjoy your stay!”

    Female Tourist: “Thanks, honey. You speak real good English for being an Alaskan!”

    Don’t Throw Rocks In Glass Elevators

    | USA | Family & Kids, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (Note: I am a passenger on a cruise ship with my father. I am in my early 20′s and my father is in his late 50′s. We are in the elevator with some other passengers on our way back to our rooms.)

    Passenger: *glares at us* “That’s disgraceful!”

    Me: “I’m…sorry?”

    Passenger: “That’s disgraceful. The age difference between you two. You should be ashamed of yourselves! Absolutely disgusting!”

    (My dad and I give confused looks to each other. The other passengers have now begun to stare.)

    Dad: “You’re very right. After all, I used to change her diapers when she was a baby!”

    Passenger: “What?!”

    Me: “Yeah, older men aren’t my type. Plus, he’s my dad.”

    Passenger: *practically plows out of the elevator at the next floor*

    Insinuatingly Dangerous

    | West Yellowstone, MT, USA | Tourists/Travel

    (This happens during a small snow storm. West Yellowstone is at the top of Gallatin Canyon and the road can be very dangerous in the winter.)

    Visitor: “Thanks for the directions! I’m heading for Bozeman.”

    Me: “You’re welcome, and drive safe!”

    Visitor: “How dare you?! I am a great driver! Don’t you ever again imply otherwise!”

    The Great State Of Confusion, Part 4

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Geography, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (Note: my job at the airport is to give information to tourists as a courtesy.)

    Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “How do I get to New Orleans from here?”

    Me: “You’ll need to take a flight. It’s on the other side of the country.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not.”

    Me: “Yes, it’s in Louisiana.”

    Customer: *getting mad* “Well, I’m from Houston and I’d be pretty pissed off if I went all this way for nothing!”

    Me: “Wait…if you wanted to go to New Orleans, why did you take a plane to Los Angeles?”

    Customer: “Because I’ve been wanting to visit my old pen pal for awhile to surprise him. Every time I send him a letter, I write ‘New Orleans, LA’ on the envelope. That’s L.A.! That’s where I am, and I know you’re lying!”

    Related:
    The Great State Of Confusion, Part 3
    Make Benefit Glorious Guestlogisticstan
    The Great State Of Confusion, Part 2
    The Great State Of Confusion
    The Great State Of Ignorance

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