Category: Tourists/Travel

Sub-par Subway Humor

| Washington, D.C., USA | Hotels & Lodging, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

(A man and his nervous looking wife approach.)

Man: “Hello, we’d like to get information on how to ride the subway around?”

Me: “Sure. To ride the subway you have to purchase a ticket from the machine there.”

Wife: “It’s safe around here, isn’t it?”

Me: “Of course.”

Wife: “I don’t believe it!”

Man: “Honey, it is perfectly fine.”

Me: *deciding to kid her* “Actually, you must be careful. Sometimes the subway trains will spit you out if you don’t board them fast!”

(The man starts laughing and his wife looks like she might faint.)

Me: “I’m kidding. They don’t do that!”

Wife: *not listening* “I’m going home!” *runs off*

Me: *to man* “Gee, good thing I didn’t say anything about the ticket price. Now, that’s scary.”

(He stopped laughing.)

The Oregon Fail, Part 3

| Germany | Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

(I am in Germany on a school trip. I have never been before, nor do I speak German. I am currently with two of my friends talking about going out to dinner on the train platform.)

(A middle-aged man hurries up to me.)

Man: “Guten tag!”

Me: “…guten tag.”

Man: *over enunciating* “Do. You. Speak. English?”

Me: “…yeah?”

Man: “Oh, thank god. Everyone’s so unhelpful around here! How do I get from [rattles off a number of places in quick succession].”

Me: “I’m sorry…”

Man: *cutting me off angrily* “I thought you said you spoke English!”

Me: “I do. I just don’t know any of those places.”

Man: “Why the h*** not?!”

Me:” I’m from Oregon…”

Related:
The Oregon Fail, Part 2
From NotAlwaysRelated:
The Oregon Fail

Putting Up A Language Barrier

| Houston, TX, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

(I’m working at an information booth at an international airport. I notice a woman in line scolding her children in Spanish. I myself am Latina. When she comes up to the counter:)

Me: “¿En qué puedo servirle?” *How can I help you?*

Customer: “This is America. Speak English.”

Midwest Going South

| West Yellowstone, MT, USA | Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging, Tourists/Travel

(Most of the time when guests have a clogged toilet they come down or call and ask for a plunger or someone to come up. After all, we really don’t need to know WHY it’s clogged to fix it (and honestly we don’t want you to tell us).)

Guest: “Yeah, could I have a plunger? I just took a good old Midwestern s***!”

Me: “I did not know that was something the Midwest was known for…”

Travel Plans Are Bus(t)

| UK | Bad Behavior, Tourists/Travel

(I’ve booked a seat on a coach to take me into town from the airport. It turns out to be a 12-seater minibus and it’s fully booked. I notice a woman pushing angrily to the front of the queue despite not having a ticket.)

Angry Woman: “The desk is closed! Why is the ticket desk closed?”

Bus Driver: “It’s a public holiday, ma’am, so you need to buy your ticket from the drivers. Unfortunately, most people have booked ahead and this bus was full a week ago. You’ll need to wait for the next one.”

Angry Woman: “What?! That’s absolutely ridiculous! How is it my fault if all these people are pushy and greedy? Let me on immediately!”

Bus Driver: “I’m sorry, ma’am. As I explained these people have already paid and you will need to wait for the next bus.”

Angry Woman: “I won’t have this! What if the next bus does this, too? How do you expect me to get to London? Walk?”

Bus Driver: “Sorry, ma’am. If the next bus is full I suggest you try [Major Coach Operator] two bays down. They run 53-seater coaches so they should be able to fit you in.”

Angry Woman: “This is the worst customer service I have ever seen! I am going to put in a big complaint and you will lose everything!”

Other Passenger: “Look, how is it the driver’s fault if you didn’t have the sense to buy a ticket like everyone else?”

Angry Woman: “I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO!” *storms off*

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