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    Category: Tourists/Travel

    Loony Over A Toonie

    | QC, Canada | Canada, Money, Tourists/Travel

    (The tourist shop where I work accepts US dollars; however, we can give change only in Canadian money. As we are in Quebec, my coworkers speak mostly French, but English is my first language.)

    Co-worker: *in French, to me* “Can you come explain to this guy why we can’t give him American change? He’s pretty upset, and my English isn’t good enough for me to understand him. He bought an ice cream sandwich and an ice cream cone, and his wife already walked off with the cone.”

    (The customer is an older gentleman, probably in his 60s or 70s, neatly dressed.)

    Me: “Okay.” *to customer, in English* “Sir, we can’t give out American change because we don’t maintain an American cash drawer. We only have whatever US money other people have already paid with, so we can’t guarantee exact change.”

    Customer: “Well, why do you take American money if you don’t give it back?”

    Me: “We accept American money as a service to our customers, so that you can still make purchases even if you haven’t changed your money yet.”

    Customer: “Service?! Yeah, right!”

    Me: “It is a service, sir. As we are in Canada, we are not obligated to accept American money. But if we hadn’t accepted your money, you wouldn’t have been able to purchase the ice cream you wanted. We’re doing something we don’t have to do, in order to help you out. That’s a service.”

    Customer: “Well, just take back the stuff I bought and give me my $10 bill back, then!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I cannot give you a refund for a product that has already been consumed.”

    Customer: “The ‘product’ has not been ‘consumed’!”

    (The customer points to the ice cream sandwich still on the counter, but the ice cream cone he bought is nowhere to be seen.)

    Me: “Your receipt shows you also purchased an ice cream cone, which I don’t see here. I’m told your wife left with it; I assume she’s eaten it by now?”

    Customer: “You know, you should have warned me before you took my money that I wouldn’t get American change back!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. But when you travel in a foreign country, it’s assumed that you will not be able to use the money of the country you came from, but will have to, at some point, use the money of the country that you’re in. I don’t see how your being given Canadian change while you are in Canada is something you should be warned about.”

    Customer: “Just give me my money back!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I can’t give you your money back, and I can’t give you American change. There’s nothing more I can do for you.”

    Customer: “There’s nothing you can do?! Well, I tell you what!” *shoves his Canadian change across the counter at me* “You just take that and you stick it wherever it fits best!”

    Me: “Okay, sir!”

    (I drop his change in the tip jar.)

    Currently Cannot See Currency

    | ON, Canada | Tourists/Travel

    (A customer comes to my till to pay for a fax.)

    Customer: “I hate this country!”

    Me: “Oh?”

    Customer: “How much for my fax?”

    Me: “It comes to $1.68.”

    Customer: “Oh, no! I don’t have enough Canadian money left to pay for it. All I have is my American money.”

    Me: “That’s okay, we accept American bills.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.”

    (He hands me an American 5 dollar bill, and I give him his change is Canadian coins.)

    Customer: “What’s this!?”

    Me: “Your change.”

    Customer: “But it’s Canadian!”

    Me: “Yes, we are in Canada, sir.”

    Customer: “But I gave you American money!”

    Me: “Yes, but I have to give you Canadian money back.”

    Customer: “But if I pay you in American, you have to give me American back!”

    Me: “No, we don’t have American money.”

    Customer: “Why not!?”

    Me: “Because we’re in Canada.”

    Customer: “Well how do I know you’re not screwing me for the exchange!?”

    Me: “The till calculates it for me.”

    Customer: “Well what am I supposed to do with this stupid Canadian money?”

    Me: “You could buy things with it, or you could exchange it at the bank.”

    Customer: “I hate this stupid country! Why would you give me Canadian change!?”

    Me: “Like I said. Because we’re in Canada.”

    Customer: “But I paid with American money! How can you accept it but not give it back!?”

    Me: “We accept it for the convenience of customers. If that’s all they have, then they can still pay for their items. But we don’t stock American money in our tills to give back to them.”

    Customer: “Why not!?”

    Me: *pause* “Because… we’re in Canada.”

    Customer: “Oh, I can’t wait to get out of this stupid country!”

    The Great Will Of China

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

    (A customer tries on a pair of shoes. As she is about to pay, she asks about getting a tax refund.)

    Customer: “Can I get duty free for this?”

    Me: “No, you cant get duty free for these because you have to spend over $300 and these are only $149.”

    Customer: “So, I can get duty free?”

    Me: “No, sorry, these are only $149. You need to spend over $300 to be able to claim your tax at the airport.”

    Customer: “So, I can only wear these in Australia? I can’t wear these in China?”

    Me: “Yes, you can wear these in China, but you wont be able to claim your tax back because they are not over $300.”

    Customer: “So, I can’t take these to China?”

    Other staff: “Yes you can wear them in China, but they’re not duty free.”

    Customer: “So, I can wear them in Australia, and to the airport, but not in China?”

    Me: “No, you can wear them anywhere.”

    Customer: “How much tax can I get back?”

    Other staff: “You can get 10% tax back but you cant get it for these ones because it is less than $300.”

    Customer: “So, I can wear them to China?”

    Me: “Of course.”

    Customer: “Okay!”

    John Smith Calling On Line One

    | Helsinki, Finland | Tourists/Travel

    (I work at the frequent flyer service for an airline. A customer calls in to check his mileage balance but there are no flights registered.)

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but are no flights registered on your account. I’ll need to check what’s gone wrong and we’ll get the flights registered to your account.”

    Customer: “I knew this! I knew this wouldn’t work. You want everyone to be you frequent flyers so you can spam us with your ads but you won’t give anything back! Not even what you promised!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, sir. I can assure you that’s not how we do business. If you’ll give me just a minute, I’ll figure out what has happened and we’ll get your flights registered.”

    (I scan through our booking system for flights and manage to find three bookings that clearly are his. The bookings are lacking his frequent flyer number and that’s why they haven’t been registered.)

    Me: “I think I found the reason why the flights haven’t been registered, sir. I found these three bookings but your frequent flyer number isn’t registered in the bookings. That’s why the flights weren’t registered. Did you give your frequent flyer number when booking the flights?”

    Customer: “No, I didn’t.”

    Me: “Well, then that’s the reason why the flights weren’t registered. You should always give your frequent flyer number when making a booking. But don’t worry, sir; I can register the flights right here, right now to your account.”

    Customer: “Oh boy, you’re arrogant!”

    Me: “Excuse me, sir?”

    Customer: “I don’t need to give my frequent flyer number!”

    Me: “Well, without the number we cannot register the mileage.”

    Customer: “That’s bull-s***, of course you can! When I call you, you know I call you. When I make a booking, you know I make a booking. When I pay my flights, you know I pay my flights. When I check in, you know I check in. When I board the plane, you know I board the plane. You know people, you track us down, I don’t need to give you any d*** numbers to get anything registered!”

    (As he’s ranting, I’ve searched our frequent flyer records with his first and last name.)

    Me: “I’m very sorry that we haven’t been able to meet your expectations, but we sincerely do need the frequent flyer number to register your flights. We cannot use just passenger names for two reasons: firstly it’s against the privacy laws and secondly we have almost 30 frequent flyers that have exactly the same name as you do sir.”

    Customer: “30?”

    Me: “Yes sir, almost 30. And that’s just the ones that have registered as our frequent flyers, there’s even more who haven’t registered.”

    (He agreed to use his frequent flyer number after that.)

    Getting A Kick Out Of Tourists

    | Australia | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Tourists/Travel

    (I am working as a waitress in the middle of a city in Australia. We have a large outdoor dining area.)

    Customer: *in an American accent* “Excuse me, Miss. I’d like to be moved.”

    Me: “As we’re really busy, I’m not sure if we have any spare tables. Is it too hot out here for you?”

    Customer: “No, I just don’t want to get my food stolen.”

    Me: “By… who? Is someone stealing food?”

    Customer: “By the kangaroos! I haven’t seen any today, though. I’ve heard they like to kick you and steal your food.”

    Customer’s Australian Friend: “Dude, I was kidding.”

    Customer: *shocked* “Oh my God, really?”

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