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    Category: Tourists/Travel

    No Vocation For Location, Part 4

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Geography, Hotels & Lodging, Tourists/Travel

    (A nice German family is checking into the hotel around 10:30 at night.)

    Father: “We have to be up early tomorrow. We’re driving to Disneyland tomorrow.”

    Me: “Wow, that’s a heck of a drive. When do you think you’ll get there?”

    Father: “I don’t know. I was hoping mid-afternoon.”

    Me: “I think you might want to check your directions. California is 2,000 miles away.”

    Father: “But it’s just the other side of the country.”

    Me: “The US is a big country, sir.”

    Related:
    No Vocation For Location, Part 3
    No Vocation For Location, Part 2
    No Vocation For Location

    Yukon Not Steal It

    | Strasbourg, France | Canada, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    (I’m Canadian, but I’m visiting my French cousin and helping him do some repairs on his cafe. While we’re working, a large family passes by, obviously lost. I’m wearing a shirt with a large Canadian flag on the back.)

    Mother: “Excuse me! I’m sorry to bother you, but are you Canadian?”

    Me: “Yes, I am.”

    Mother: “Thank god! We’ve been lost for hours.”

    (She shows me her map. Ultimately, I work out they’re trying to cross the border into Germany, but got lost trying to find out how to get there.)

    Father: “Good thing the signs are all in French, or else we wouldn’t have managed to find our way around anywhere!”

    Me: “Yeah, it sure makes things easier for Canadians, eh?”

    (Suddenly, there’s a scuffle behind me. My cousin comes out dragging two of their sons behind him.)

    Cousin: “They were trying to steal bottles of juice! I heard them planning it!”

    Son #1: *to Son #2* “Well, how was I supposed to know they speak French here? They all sound so different!”

    (Quebecois and French speakers do sound somewhat different, but angry mothers are universal!)

    Related:
    Yukon Call Them
    Yukon See It On A Map, Part 3
    Yukon Not Spend It
    Yukon Not Believe This Juan

    Big Lies Are Better Than Small Ones, Part 2

    | BC, Canada | Canada, Tourists/Travel

    (A tourist and his friend come into my gas station.)

    Tourist: “Where’s all the snow and igloos?”

    (I think he’s just joking, so I play along.)

    Me: “Oh, we put them away during the tourist season to make Americans feel more at home.”

    Tourist: “That sounds like a lot of work.”

    Me: “Keeps us strong for lumberjacking, eh. All part of that Canadian hospitality.”

    Tourist: “Makes sense. Thanks bro.” *leaves*

    Tourist’s Friend: “He thinks you’re serious.”

    Me: *facepalm*

    Related:
    Big Lies Are Better Than Small Ones

    Lost In No Translation, Part 4

    | British Columbia, Canada | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    (I live in a small town where a cruise ship visits in the summer. Mind you, this is BC, Canada, so English is the main language spoken here, rather than French canadians in Quebec. Note that our entire conversation is in English.)

    Customer: “Hi! May I ask you a question?”

    Me: “Sure, no problem!”

    Customer: “Do people speak French here?”

    Me: “Well, some people might, but it’s more of a second language here.”

    Customer: “Oh, really? Well, I think you’re speaking it very well, because I can understand you!”

    Me: *dumbfounded*

    (At this point, the customer’s husband steps in.)

    Customer’s Husband: “She’s not speaking French, honey.”

    Customer: “…Oh.” *walks away*

    Related:
    Lost In No Translation, Part 3
    Lost In No Translation, Part 2
    Lost In No Translation

    Time To Start Screening The Tourists

    | Utah, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Tourists/Travel

    (Every year, my town hosts Sundance, which tends to bring some strange people along with it. I am the only one working in a very small paint store, right before close. A customer comes in and proceeds to look around the store for about 15 minutes.)

    Me: “I am sorry, sir. We are getting ready to close. Can I help you find something?”

    Customer: “I am looking for stuff to make a pipe.”

    Me: “Well, sir, we do have some stuff to fix plumbing pipes.”

    Customer: “No! I need to make a pipe to smoke out of.”

    Me: “Uh, we really don’t have anything like that.”

    Customer: “What the h*** kind of hardware store is this?!”

    Me: “…A paint store?”

    Customer: “Oh… then, can I buy some spray paint to get high on?”

    Me: “No, sir. That is illegal.”

    Customer: “Even during Sundance?”

    Me: “Especially during Sundance!”

    Customer: “Buzzkill!” *walks out*

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