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    Category: Tourists/Travel

    The Great Will Of China

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

    (A customer tries on a pair of shoes. As she is about to pay, she asks about getting a tax refund.)

    Customer: “Can I get duty free for this?”

    Me: “No, you cant get duty free for these because you have to spend over $300 and these are only $149.”

    Customer: “So, I can get duty free?”

    Me: “No, sorry, these are only $149. You need to spend over $300 to be able to claim your tax at the airport.”

    Customer: “So, I can only wear these in Australia? I can’t wear these in China?”

    Me: “Yes, you can wear these in China, but you wont be able to claim your tax back because they are not over $300.”

    Customer: “So, I can’t take these to China?”

    Other staff: “Yes you can wear them in China, but they’re not duty free.”

    Customer: “So, I can wear them in Australia, and to the airport, but not in China?”

    Me: “No, you can wear them anywhere.”

    Customer: “How much tax can I get back?”

    Other staff: “You can get 10% tax back but you cant get it for these ones because it is less than $300.”

    Customer: “So, I can wear them to China?”

    Me: “Of course.”

    Customer: “Okay!”

    John Smith Calling On Line One

    | Helsinki, Finland | Tourists/Travel

    (I work at the frequent flyer service for an airline. A customer calls in to check his mileage balance but there are no flights registered.)

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but are no flights registered on your account. I’ll need to check what’s gone wrong and we’ll get the flights registered to your account.”

    Customer: “I knew this! I knew this wouldn’t work. You want everyone to be you frequent flyers so you can spam us with your ads but you won’t give anything back! Not even what you promised!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, sir. I can assure you that’s not how we do business. If you’ll give me just a minute, I’ll figure out what has happened and we’ll get your flights registered.”

    (I scan through our booking system for flights and manage to find three bookings that clearly are his. The bookings are lacking his frequent flyer number and that’s why they haven’t been registered.)

    Me: “I think I found the reason why the flights haven’t been registered, sir. I found these three bookings but your frequent flyer number isn’t registered in the bookings. That’s why the flights weren’t registered. Did you give your frequent flyer number when booking the flights?”

    Customer: “No, I didn’t.”

    Me: “Well, then that’s the reason why the flights weren’t registered. You should always give your frequent flyer number when making a booking. But don’t worry, sir; I can register the flights right here, right now to your account.”

    Customer: “Oh boy, you’re arrogant!”

    Me: “Excuse me, sir?”

    Customer: “I don’t need to give my frequent flyer number!”

    Me: “Well, without the number we cannot register the mileage.”

    Customer: “That’s bull-s***, of course you can! When I call you, you know I call you. When I make a booking, you know I make a booking. When I pay my flights, you know I pay my flights. When I check in, you know I check in. When I board the plane, you know I board the plane. You know people, you track us down, I don’t need to give you any d*** numbers to get anything registered!”

    (As he’s ranting, I’ve searched our frequent flyer records with his first and last name.)

    Me: “I’m very sorry that we haven’t been able to meet your expectations, but we sincerely do need the frequent flyer number to register your flights. We cannot use just passenger names for two reasons: firstly it’s against the privacy laws and secondly we have almost 30 frequent flyers that have exactly the same name as you do sir.”

    Customer: “30?”

    Me: “Yes sir, almost 30. And that’s just the ones that have registered as our frequent flyers, there’s even more who haven’t registered.”

    (He agreed to use his frequent flyer number after that.)

    Getting A Kick Out Of Tourists

    | Australia | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Tourists/Travel

    (I am working as a waitress in the middle of a city in Australia. We have a large outdoor dining area.)

    Customer: *in an American accent* “Excuse me, Miss. I’d like to be moved.”

    Me: “As we’re really busy, I’m not sure if we have any spare tables. Is it too hot out here for you?”

    Customer: “No, I just don’t want to get my food stolen.”

    Me: “By… who? Is someone stealing food?”

    Customer: “By the kangaroos! I haven’t seen any today, though. I’ve heard they like to kick you and steal your food.”

    Customer’s Australian Friend: “Dude, I was kidding.”

    Customer: *shocked* “Oh my God, really?”

    Slightly Accented Hair

    | NY, USA | Canada, Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

    (I have lilac hair with blue tips. I also wear light grey contacts, and I have slight Irish accent.)

    Customer: “Oh my, such pretty hair you have!”

    Me: “Thank you!”

    Customer: “Is it natural?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Like, were you born with that hair color? That’s so peculiar!”

    Customer’s friend: “That’s not the only thing peculiar about her! Look at her eyes, they’re so big and grey!”

    Me: “Oh, they’re just contact lenses.”

    Customer’s Friend: “Look, she’s even speaking with a weird accent! You must not be from here! Are you from Canada?”

    Customer and her Friend: *simultaneously* “Ah, Canadians!”

    Not Harnessing The Brain Waves

    | NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

    (I work at guest services aboard a cruise ship that does 5-day cruises to Canada. We get pretty wacky questions sometimes. A man comes up to the desk.)

    Guest: “Excuse me, I have a question.”

    Me: “Yes, sir?”

    Guest: “Where does the water in the pools come from?”

    Me: “We actually convert seawater into freshwater and put it into the pools.”

    Guest: “Oh, so that’s why the water’s splashing so much!”

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