(We are a tourist park, and have a café which is situated just outside so that people can use it without paying to go in. The café is right next door to the entrance; you have to walk past it to come in.)
Customer: “Is there a café here?”
Me: “Yes, there is. It’s just next door.”
Me: “Right next door.”
Customer: *confused* “Next door?”
Me: “Yes, it’s the building next to this one.”
Customer: “So, we have to go out?”
Me: “Yes. You go out of this building, and it’s in the only other one.”
Customer: “So, it’s out of here and next door.?”
Me: “Yes. Go out of here, and look right. You’ll see it.”
(The customer walks out, looking confused.)
Coworker: “What’s the betting she’ll get lost?”
A Directionless Conversation
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Enter Not Always Right’s August Themed Story Giveaway:
Tourists & Travelers!
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PS: Congratulations to a lucky reader for winning July Themed Story Giveaway, which featured stories about Wild & Unruly Customers. The winning submission: The Song Broke Loose And Then Vamoose And Now You Know The Plot (1987 thumbs up).
PS #2: winners will be announced the first Wednesday of every month. Next free t-shirt gift certificate: Wednesday, September 4!
Weekly Roundup: Cruise Line Craziness! In this week’s roundup, we share five stories about cruise ship passengers!
- The Vacation Of A Lifetime, Slightly Exaggerated (1,520 thumbs up)
- Varicose To His Wife (4,457 thumbs up)
- Low IQ On The High Seas (2,070 thumbs up)
- When Common Sense Goes Naval Gazing (3,033 thumbs up)
- What’s Red Or Blue And Dumb All Over (2,682 thumbs up)
PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!
PS #2: Read more roundups here!
Me: “Hello, this is [travel agency]; how can I help you?”
Customer: “Hello. I bought a tour to Prague from you a while ago, and yesterday I googled the hotel and… uh…”
Customer: “Well, there’s lots of reviews online saying that the hotel is favored by homosexuals and lesbians.”
Customer: “Yes. I’d like a different hotel, if you don’t mind.”
Me: “Are you sure? It could be fun!”
Customer: *laughing* “I’m not sure about that. I’m coming there with my wife, you know.”
Me: “Think about it. You’re going abroad for an exotic experience. Why not go all the way and choose a hotel with a difference?”
Customer: “I still think I’d be uncomfortable there. I have nothing against gay people, but still—”
Me: “There’s no reason you should be uncomfortable… Unless, of course, you’re having certain doubts…”
Customer: “No doubts, thank you. But how do I explain it to my wife?”
Me: “Just tell her that if she doesn’t behave herself, you’ll leave her for another man.”
Customer: *laughing hard* “Sold!”
(I work for the boutiques onboard various cruise ships. Even though jeweler is my professional position, we also have emergency duties such as lowering the life-boats, guiding guests and such. Mine is to muster guests to their muster position before the abandon-ship signal is given. The guests are all sitting in the grand dining room which is at the very back of the ship.)
Guest: “So when the emergency signal is sounded, we just all come here?”
Me: “Yes, ma’am, this is your muster station in the event of an emergency. When the abandon-ship signal is given, we guide you to your assigned lifeboat.”
(Because there are so many guests on the ship, we don’t take them to the lifeboat when it is just a drill like this; we explain to them over the PA the procedure.)
Guest: “Why haven’t you taken us to our lifeboats already?!”
Me: “That was just explained, ma’am; as you can see, there are a lot of guests onboard, and it is really unnecessary—”
Guest: “LIES! YOU’RE LYING!”
(The guest then looks out of the window at the back of the ship; all you can see in the sea behind us.)
Guest: “THERE’S NOT EVEN ANY LIFEBOATS ON BOARD! YOU’RE LYING! YOU JUST WANT US ALL TO STAY HERE AND DIE LIKE THE TITANIC!”