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    Category: Tourists/Travel

    Fairness Is Limited

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

    (Customers have the option of buying a single-ride coupon or an unlimited rides ticket. It’s a particularly busy day, and the queue line on my ride is over 45 minutes long. The ride has just finished and most people are exiting, except for two customers.)

    Me: “Hey, gentlemen, the exit is out that way, when you’re ready.”

    Customer #1: “We’re staying on for another go.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but you will have to line up again to ride, especially since it’s so busy.”

    Customer #2: “But we have these.” *shows me his unlimited rides ticket* “See, unlimited.”

    Me: “Yes, you can go on multiple rides in the park, but you still have to line up every time. It’s only fair.”

    Customer #2: “But we have these!”

    Me: “As do most of the people in this queue, sir.”

    (On cue, most of the guests in the queue started waving their tickets at the pair. They finally left.)

    Their Own Private Joke

    | Spain | Hotels & Lodging, Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Tourists/Travel

    (This happens on a class trip to Spain after a girl realizes she left her comb at home.)

    Girl: *walks up to front desk* “Do you have any combs?”

    Employee: “No hablo Ingles.”

    Girl: *in Spanish* “Necesito un pene, por favor.”

    Employee: *laughs hysterically*

    Girl: *angry* “Hey! Necesito un pene!” *pantomimes brushing hair*

    Employee: *realizes what’s going on, takes out comb, and hands it to girl*

    Girl: “Sí!”

    Employee: “Ese es ‘un peine.’” *That’s ‘un peine.’* “Un pene es:” *points to his privates*

    Girl: “Oh. S***!”

    Can’t Even Save Their Own Skin

    | NH, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Tourists/Travel

    (I work in a doctor’s office, and am sitting in the nurses station during patient call-backs when I overhear this conversation:)

    Nurse: “Hi, this is [Nurse] calling from [Doctor's Office]. Is [Patient] there?”

    Patient: “Yes, speaking.”

    Nurse: “I’m calling to let you know that the results of your biopsy are in, and I’m afraid they came back as a skin cancer that needs to be addressed right away. Would you be able to come in for surgery on [date and time two days from now]?”

    Patient: “Oh… um, I’m going on vacation then.”

    Nurse: “This is a serious problem that needs to be taken care of as soon as possible. Is there any way you can push your vacation start back? You will be able to travel after your procedure without a problem.”

    Patient: *getting angry* “Absolutely not! Do you know how much it will cost me to change my tickets? I’m going to Europe for a three month tour!”

    Nurse: “You can’t be serious?! This is a cancer that will grow and spread and has the potential to become lethal. I strongly advise that you—”

    Patient: “NO! I won’t hear it. You doctor types think that you all have a God complex! Not everything is life or death!”

    Nurse: “This actually is! Please, if you can’t commit to an appointment today, call us and make one as soon as possible!”

    Patient: “I’ll have nothing to do with this. I’ll get a second opinion! I’ve read the Internet and I know how often you people are wrong just to make an extra buck!” *slams the phone down, ending the call*

    (The kicker? The procedure to remove the skin cancer would have taken less than an hour, and she would have been able to hop on her flight to Europe. In the time she said she’d be gone, her grade 2 cancer, which is treatable, had the potential to become a grade 3 or 4 cancer, which would greatly reduce her chances of having it successfully removed, and increase her risk of it spreading to other organs!)

    Desist The Tourist Assist

    , | Bali, Indonesia | Comics Single, Health & Body, Tourists/Travel, Transportation, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m Indonesian and I live in an area where there are lots of tourists. Being Bali itself, there are barely any traffic laws enforced and lots of tourists tend to rent out scooters and treat them like toys. I’m turning into my favorite restaurant at a T-junction with no red light and my blinkers on, and today I felt like being extra cautious since the scooter I borrowed is my friend’s. I slow down and see a tourist and her son far away in the opposite direction but as I cross from the other side of the street, I see her actually speed up in her attempt to pass me when clearly there is a hump coming up. It’s rainy season so the roads are wet and of course when she tries to brake while going 40 miles/hour the bike violently slides. I am watching the whole thing since I have already parked my motorbike. Luckily no one was badly hurt.)

    Me: “Are you all right, lady?”

    Tourist: “This is your fault, you stupid girl! That was an illegal turn!”

    Me: “Well, no, that wasn’t illegal. This is a two-way road.”

    Tourist: “You apologize and you go pay for my bike!”

    Me: “No, you were going too fast on rainy day. I had my blinkers on and clearly about to turn in. I saw you and you were far away.”

    Tourist: “I don’t care! I have an international license!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but that doesn’t mean anything, especially when you drive like that! I’m sorry this happened though. I suggest you go to the mechanics. They’ll fix up the scratches and it’s really cheap. Don’t go to the place where you rented the bike or they’ll make you pay $100.”

    Tourist: “So you admit it? It’s your fault!”

    Me: “I meant sorry this had to happen to you, not sorry my bad. Lady, I did nothing wrong. In fact I was actually trying to help you out!”

    Tourist: “No, this is your fault! You owe me money! YOU OWE ME MONEY!”

    (I look at the bike, it’s brand new but with a few scratches because of the crash. While the argument just goes back and forth, her son is clearly huddled under a tree crying and also he was wearing NO helmet while riding on the back with his mother.)

    Tourist: “THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! WHY DID YOU DO THAT? YOU OWE ME MONEY OR I’LL CALL THE COPS!”

    Me: “Lady, go ahead. I’m not worried. But clearly the money seems more important to you than your son who could be injured.”

    (She looks at her son who is in shock. She asks him if he’s all right and takes a second to check for any bleeding and then goes back to me.)

    Me: “If you’d like I can point you towards the closest hospital or clinic.”

    Tourist: “NO! You owe me money! You are just a stupid girl! I’m calling the cops! Give me your address, phone number, and the money!”

    Me: “Lady, I have no money! Not on me and certainly not enough in the bank and if I did I wouldn’t give any of it to you! I’ve offered to go to the mechanics with you but I’m not paying a cent for your own negligence! I’m a painter, lady! I’m broke!”

    Tourist: “Well, I’m broke, too!”

    Me:” Right, you’re so broke you rented a brand new bike during your vacation in Bali. Here let me call the police for you.”

    (At this point I decided to call my boyfriend’s mom, a cop who is head of the district we’re in. As I’m calling I began to tear up a bit from all the frustration. I wait on the phone for a good five minutes until the tourist gave up and asked me for my number to show her a good mechanic. And after that full hour of arguing, she didn’t even feel it important enough follow through on the mechanic BECAUSE SHE WAS LATE FOR A MASSAGE!)

    They’re Behind The ‘Shall Not Pass’ Signs

    | Jewel Cave, SD, USA | Geeks Rule, Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (We are on a group tour through caves, 200-300 feet underground. There are metal stairs and viewing platforms along the path. At each platform, a park ranger will describe what we are seeing, talk about the cave’s exploration history, and answer any questions. One question comes from a young teen girl on the tour. )

    Girl: “Are there balrogs in these caves?”

    Park Ranger: “Ball rocks?”

    Girl: “BAL-rogs, from Lord Of The Rings?”

    Park Ranger: “Uh, not that I know of…”

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