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    Category: Tourists/Travel

    Music Went From Lucky To Sucky

    | GA, USA | Family & Kids, Musical Mayhem, Tourists/Travel

    (I DJ at a theme park that has a built in water park. I am happily jamming to ‘Get Lucky’ by Daft Punk by the wave pool when a guest approaches my DJ booth.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, ma’am, who makes the play list for the water park?”

    Me: “I do, sir, but all the songs on my laptop have been pre-approved by upper management.”

    Guest: “Well I have my eight-year-old with me, and she is asking what ‘get lucky’ means. What do you expect me to tell her?!”

    Me: “I’m not sure, sir. I am very sorry my music selection has offended you. I didn’t mean any harm.”

    Guest: *harumph* “I am taking this to upper management!”

    (The man proceeds to tell my supervisor, who talks him out of taking his complaint any further by promising the song will be deleted and no longer played.)

    Supervisor: *to me* “Meh, I like that song. If he was smart he would have just told his kid the song meant winning the lottery or something.”

    (The rest of the time that particular guest was there, I played super safe things like The Beach Boys. But after that day, I have continued to play that song regularly.)

    Doesn’t Always Take Practise, Practise, Practise…

    | NY, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Musical Mayhem, Tourists/Travel

    (My grandfather and I are taking a tour of a world-famous opera house many years ago when this happens:)

    Tour Guide: “And now, we are in the stage area, where—”

    Grandfather: *singing* “La la la la la!”

    Tour Guide: “What was that, sir?”

    Grandfather: “Now I can say I sang on stage at [Famous Opera House]!”

    A Measure Of Common Sense

    | UK | Family & Kids, Tourists/Travel

    (My sister and I have taken our younger brother to a popular UK theme park. We see that the queue for the tea cups is very short, so we begin to get in line. Just as we do, we notice a woman at the front of the queue with a small child obviously too small to ride. She’s talking to the ride operator.)

    Woman: “So, I walked all the way through the queue, only to be told he’s too small to ride! You twat!”

    (As she begins to storm away, my sister sends her a death glare before turning to me.)

    Sister: *loudly* “Maybe we should go back and measure [Brother].”

    Me: “Why?”

    Sister: *still loudly* “Because we don’t want to walk barely a meter only to be told he’s too small to ride. If we don’t want to look like utter idiots, we need to measure him before queuing up.”

    Me: *catching on* “Yeah. That’s what anyone with COMMON SENSE would do.”

    (The woman, who had been demanding to see a manager, turned bright red before hurrying away with her child. The ride operator gave us both a high five.)

    Tourists From The Land Of Irony

    | Wales, UK | Crazy Requests, Tourists/Travel

    (Wales is currently enjoying a heat wave; temperatures in our popular beach resort have averaged about 28°C (about 82°F) for nearly a fortnight and the town and beach are completely packed out with holidaymakers and day-trippers.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to complain.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that; what’s the problem?”

    Customer: “There’s too many tourists.”

    Me: “Oh, well you can blame Mr. Sunshine for that; it’s been packed to capacity here since the schools broke up for summer. Everyone wants a splash in the sea!”

    Customer: “Yeah, I know. I mean, that’s why we came. We drove down for the day from [Major Midland City]. We just didn’t think it would be busy.”

    Me: “You didn’t think the first Saturday of the school holidays that is also the hottest day of the year so far for Wales would cause [Town] to become busy?”

    Customer: “Well… no.”

    Me: “I’m sorry you aren’t happy but there isn’t a lot I can do from here.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s not fair. I’ve spent £40 filling my car with petrol and had to sit in queues of traffic. I want an empty beach!”

    Me: “Well, there’s quieter beaches than [Town]. Since you have a car maybe you could drive to [Nearby Beach] or [Other Nearby Beach]. Those are accessed over sand dunes so a lot of people don’t go there.”

    Customer: “So now you’re telling me I’ve wasted £3.50 on an all-day parking ticket?”

    Me: “Well, if you want to stay in [Town] then you can. If you want to go to a quieter beach and come back to [Town] for food then your ticket will still be valid.”

    Customer: “Hrrmph. I suppose so. I wish you wouldn’t let tourists here though. It spoils it.”

    The Last Trip He Takes You On

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Bizarre, Liars & Scammers, Tourists/Travel

    (We have a ‘regular’ customer who only calls at night, and only speaks with young sounding, female representatives.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Travel Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: *sounding stuffed up throughout the call* “Yes, I need to book a trip from Chicago to Detroit for [date that is always two weeks away from date he calls].”

    Me: “Great, and how many will be traveling?”

    Caller: “Just me.”

    (I check for age and military discounts when all of a sudden, he sneezes.)

    Me: “Bless you. Now did you have a time of day in mind?”

    Caller: “Oh, thank you. My cat just came in the room. I am allergic. Could you read me the time you have at the lowest prices?”

    (The call goes almost normally accept for these ‘allergy’ interruptions, which involve opening the window, dusting, going in the attic, and so on. He gives the name of John Sneed for the reservation and we get to the credit card payment. He gives 8 of the 16 digits, and then hangs up. After having this happen twice, I ask around and confirm he is not a legitimate customer. A jewel of information is given to me, so I’m prepared the next time he calls.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Travel Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: *sounding stuffed up* “Yes, I need to book a trip from Chicago to Detroit for [date that is two weeks away].”

    Me: “Wonderful! How many will be traveling this time, Mr. [Caller´s Real Last Name]?”

    Caller: *hangs up*

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