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    Category: Tourists/Travel

    Don’t Have Beef With Hinduism

    , | Kanpur, India | Food & Drink, Religion, Theme Of The Month, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (I’m on a trip to India, and decide to eat at a local McDonald’s. In front of me is a pair of American tourists.)

    Tourist #1: *in very bad Hindi* “Yes, I want a Big Mac.”

    Cashier: “Sir, I understand English, if you would be more comfortable. So you want a Chicken Maharaja Mac?”

    Tourist #2: “I thought you said you knew English? A Big Mac doesn’t have chicken, dumb-a**!”

    (Hoping to speed this along, I decide to get involved.)

    Me: “None of the McDonald’s in India offer beef. The local version of the Big Mac is made using grilled chicken patties instead. It’s actually pretty good.”

    Tourist #1: “Man, who the h*** doesn’t eat beef?”

    Me: “About one billion Hindus, most of them in India.”

    (They both quietly place their orders, all the time mumbling about ‘pandering to locals.’)

    Must Have Coasted Through Her Geography Lessons

    | MA, USA | Food & Drink, Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (It’s important to note this takes place in Massachusetts, on the east coast of the USA.)

    Tourist: “I’d like to get [coffee], and my daughter will have [more complicated coffee].”

    Me: “Okay, that’ll be [amount].”

    Tourist: “Oh, I left my money in my car. I’ll be back.”

    (She leaves, and I am forced to move on to the next customer. Her daughter waits patiently for a good 15-20 minutes. Then her mother returns. She rudely interrupts another customer.)

    Tourist: “Um, excuse me, WHY haven’t you made our drinks yet?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, there was a line—”

    Tourist: “I was here first! Now make our drinks, and I have to use your bathroom.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; we don’t have a bathroom for customers.”

    Tourist: “WHEN YOU PAY FOR STUFF IN RESTAURANTS IN NEW JERSEY, WHERE I’M FROM, YOU CAN USE THE F***ING BATHROOM! GOD! This is why I NEVER come to the east coast!”

    (The tourist and her daughter depart, much to the dumbfounded disbelief of the customers remaining. I exchange glances with a customer.)

    Me: “…doesn’t she know New Jersey is on the east coast?”

    Has No Propensity For History

    | Gettysburg, PA, USA | Extra Stupid, History, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (I’m working behind the register counter that has glass display cases of knives, wallets, etc. Some are engraved with CSA—Confederate States of America, and USA—for the Union.)

    Customer: *running up to the counter* “Oooh! Knives! Wait, what does ‘CSA’ mean?”

    Me: “It stands for ‘Confederate States of America.’ Did you want to have a look?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want to buy. But, the Confederate states are the North, right?!”

    Me: “No, not at all… ”

    Customer: “Oh, oh well. But you know what’s strange? All these battles happened in national parks!”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “I guess that just made it easier to hide behind the monuments!”

    Me: “I have to get back to work; have a nice day.”

    (I get back to folding and stocking while the customer walks out with the smuggest look on their face, like they just gave me a history lesson.)

    The Flight Of His Wife Is The Fright Of His Life

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

    (I am closing the ticket counter for the night. Our airline believes very strongly on flights leaving on time, and as such have a strict 30 minute cutoff policy. Anyone arriving at less than 30 minutes to departure will not be allowed to check in. It is 27 minutes to the last flight’s departure, and a man comes running to the counter, where my coworker and her trainee are still at an open computer.)

    Passenger: “I need to check in for this flight!”

    Coworker: “I am really sorry, sir, but unfortunately you are too late to make your flight. I will be glad to rebook you for a flight tomorrow. May I see your ID?”

    Passenger: “What do you mean I’m too late? The flight doesn’t leave until 9 pm!”

    Trainee: “Yes sir, but we have a 30 minute cutoff for check in, and it’s 8:33 pm.”

    Passenger: “It’s only three minutes!”

    Trainee: “Yes sir, but you still have to get through security. We want the other 131 passengers on the plane to leave on time.”

    Coworker: “I’m very sorry, sir, but it is too late. Like I said, I would be glad to book you on a different flight tomorrow.”

    Passenger: “Your airline is stupid! I got your stupid credit card because I thought you would respect loyalty! It’s the last flight of the night and I’m going to be f****** stuck here until tomorrow!”

    (The passenger continues to get increasingly angry and starts yelling obscenities. Everyone around, including the employees of airlines next to us, are staring. He is waving the credit card around.)

    Passenger: “Fine! Rebook me for tomorrow! And give me that stapler!”

    (My coworker hands him the stapler. The passenger uses the stapler to split the credit card in half, then throws the pieces at my coworker.)

    Passenger: “I will never fly your airline again!”

    Coworker: “Sir, I have been trying to help you, but I won’t take this kind of abuse. Now, if you want me to continue, I will need you to stop. Also, I would like to inform you that your flight was actually for tomorrow.”

    Passenger: *suddenly quiet* “Oh. My wife was supposed to call and change that.”

    Coworker: “Well, she didn’t. Do you still want me to rebook you?”

    Passenger: “Never mind. I’ll just call.” *leaves*

    Trainee: “Wow.”

    Not Quite The Happiest Place On Earth

    | France | Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    Guest: “The waiting times are horribly long! There are too many people!”

    Me: “Well this is a famous park; a lot of people want to spend time here with their family.”

    Guest: “Well, you should not let so many people in. Look around: there are so many people.”

    Me: “We have a security maximum that has not been reached yet. I believe you are a visitor too. Would you have liked for you and your family to be stopped at the entrance after miles of travelling because there are a lot of people in?”

    Guest: “Of course not! I paid to come here, and we have wanted to come here for a long time!”

    Me: “Well, so do all these people…”

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