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    That’s Natch The Way You Say It

    | Robeline, LA, USA | Funny Names, Geography, Language & Words, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    Customer: “How do I get to ‘Natchy-toe-chess?’”

    Me: “It’s pronounced ‘Nak-a-tesh,’ and it’s a straight shot from here.”

    Customer: “Oh, wow. I was way off, wasn’t I?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “What about that ‘Provencial’ place I saw on a sign?”

    Me: “It’s ‘Prahv-en-saw.’”

    Customer: “Wow. Then I suppose the name of this town isn’t ‘Robe-line?’”

    Me: “No, ma’am, it’s ‘Ro-buh-lean.’”

    Customer: “Next year I’m going on vacation in Texas. None of the places there have such weird names!”

    Kids Don’t Want To Be In Deep Trouble

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (I am about 12 years old. I am on vacation with my family. There is no pool at the hotel in which we are staying, but the hotel staff have told us that they have a deal with the health club next door, and guests could use their pool. While my dad is in a work meeting, my mom takes my 10- and 6-year-old brothers and I to swim in the health club pool.)

    Mom: “Hello! We’re here from [hotel] to use the pool!”

    Receptionist: “You can’t use the pool.”

    Mom: “Excuse me? Over at [hotel], they told me that we were allowed to come over here and use the pool!”

    Receptionist: “Well they were wrong. Guests can only use the pool on weekends, and even then, we don’t allow children.”

    Mom: “Well they told us we could use the pool, so would you mind checking with someone else?”

    Receptionist: “Ugh. I don’t need to check with anyone else! You aren’t allowed to use the pool.”

    Mom: “Well, we came to use the pool, so we’re going to use the pool! Come on, kids!”

    (At this, my mom, who has my 6-year-old brother by the wrist, starts MARCHING towards where she assumes the pool is. My 10-year-old brother and I just stand there in shock.)

    Mom: “Where is the pool?!”

    Receptionist: “You CAN’T use the pool!”

    (My mom has turned around, and notices that my brother and I aren’t following her.)

    Mom: *to us* “What are you doing?! Come ON!”

    (My brother and I just stand there, shaking our heads. Eventually realizing we weren’t going to follow her willingly, she charges toward us and we run out the door. Eventually, we go to the nearby mall instead, and she yells at us the whole way.)

    Mom: “Why didn’t you come with me?! ‘Children, obey your parents!’ It’s in the Bible!”

    Me: “Yes, but you were telling us to do something wrong! We weren’t gonna follow you when you were telling us to do something against the rules!”

    Mom: “But she was wrong, and very rude about it!”

    Me: “But she was in charge, and we still have to listen to her, until someone else tells her she’s wrong!”

    10-Year-Old Brother: “Yeah! We weren’t gonna follow you, because we don’t wanna go to Hell like bad people!”

    6-Year-Old-Brother: “At least you guys had a choice! She was gonna drag me down with her whether I liked it or not!”

    (At this, we all start laughing, including my mom. My mom is still not the best customer, but at least she’s never done anything like this since!)

    Lightning Fast Sarcasm

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (I work at an outdoor log flume attraction in a theme park. We have just closed the line, and are not letting anyone else in due to there being lightning nearby.)

    Guest: “Do you know when the ride will open again? When can I come back?”

    Me: “The best answer I can give you is whenever the storm passes.”

    Guest: “And when will that be?”

    Me: “…ma’am, I don’t know. It’s a storm.”

    Guest: “Well, you live here! You should know how long the storms in Orlando last!”

    Me: “Well, we had a storm yesterday that lasted ten minutes, and one the day before that lasted three hours, so I’d say come back between ten minutes and three hours.”

    Guest: *sarcastically* “Thanks for the help!” *storms off*

    Totally Estúpido

    , | Barcelona, Spain | Language & Words, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (I am in a very popular burger chain restaurant in Barcelona. I have placed my order with the very helpful assistant, and am waiting for my food. The next two customers are large British men in their 50s. I am British, but speak reasonable Spanish.)

    Customer: *in a broad North Yorkshire accent* “I want a large burger, a large fries, and a large Diet Coke.”

    (The girl behind the counter, who doesn’t speak English, looks blank and then says in Spanish that she doesn’t understand.)

    Customer: *speaking loudly and enunciating each word slowly* “I want a LARGE BURGER, a LARGE FRIES and a LARGE DIET COKE!”

    (The server is now looking distressed and uncomfortable, so I take pity on her, and tell her what the customer has ordered in Spanish. She thanks me profusely and places the order. The first customer shakes his head in disgust and turns to me.)

    Customer: “Thanks, love. These f****** foreigners, eh? They don’t speak the language.”

    Me: “Wow.”

    No Vocation For Location, Part 6

    | Israel | Extra Stupid, Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (I am a South African, working at a hotel restaurant in Israel. The establishment has both servers and guests from all over the world. Generally people are interested in finding out where people are from and why they’re here. One day I am clearing a table for an American couple.)

    Me: “Shalom! I hope you enjoyed your meal. May I take your plates?”

    Husband: “Yes, please. It was great.”

    Wife: “Hey, you sound weird. Where are you from?”

    Me: “I’m from South Africa.”

    Wife: “Really?! South Africa… where is that?”

    Me: “Err…”

    Husband: *embarrassed* “Honey, it’s in Africa. If you look at a map, it’s right down at the bottom.”

    Wife: “Oh…” *blank look* “Oh! Kangaroos, right?”

    Husband: “Err…” *looks at me apologetically*

    Me: *just smiles* “I hope you enjoy the rest of your stay!”

    Related:
    No Vocation For Location, Part 5
    No Vocation For Location, Part 4

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