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    Category: Tourists/Travel

    Needs A Bridge To Reality

    | Jamaica | Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to rent a car, but can I drive it to the United States?”

    Me: “Pardon? I don’t understand.”

    Customer: “Can I drive the car back to the United States?”

    Me: “How did you get to Jamaica?”

    Customer: “I flew here, why?”

    Me: “Didn’t you see the ocean underneath you from the airplane?”

    Customer: “No, I slept the whole way here. Wait. What ocean?”

    Suffering Some Confucian About Where He Is

    | Beijing, China | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (My coworker is a tour guide for American groups in Beijing.)

    Tourist: “Is there a Chinatown here?”

    Coworker: “…I’m sorry?”

    Tourist: “Well, most major cities have a Chinatown. I just wanted to see if I could visit the one in this city.”

    Coworker: “You do know what country you’re in right?”

    No Manners In Line Is Out Of Line, Part 2

    | ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (I am nine years old, and my family has moved to a new area that has a corner store two blocks from my new house. Our town is a bit of a tourist trap, and late one afternoon, I am waiting in line to pay for the items mum needs. A tourist, dressed in costly, dressy clothes rushes through the doors and shoves in front of me.)

    Me: “Hey! The line ends back there. It’s rude to cut in!”

    Tourist: “Shut up!”

    (The tourist then addresses the cashier, a lady who knows me well enough to know that for a kid as shy as I am, trying to stand up for myself is a big thing.)

    Tourist: “I need two packs of [cigarette brand], and directions to [ritziest local hotel].”

    (The cashier looks at the tourist, silently, saying nothing at all for a long pause.)

    Tourist: “Are you deaf or stupid? I want two packs of [cigarette brand] and directions to [hotel]!”

    Cashier: “I was just giving you the chance to prove you have any manners at all. Looks like you don’t. This girl was next, and you pushed in. That’s rude.”

    Tourist: “I don’t have time for—”

    Cashier: “—and I don’t have time to deal with self-obsessed jerks. Get out.”

    Tourist: “No, listen! I want two packs of—”

    Cashier: “You aren’t getting anything. You have 30 seconds to get out of here before I call the cops.”

    Tourist: “Are you serious? You can’t be f****** serious! I want two packs of—”

    Cashier: “Get out!”

    (The cashier reaches behind her, and grabs the phone from the counter. She starts dialing.)

    Tourist: “Oh f*** it! I don’t want to buy anything in this stupid hick town anyway.”

    (The tourist flounces towards the door. I speak loudly before she gets to the door.)

    Me: “Isn’t it funny how we hicks actually know what good manners are for?”

    (The woman turns red and storms out of the store.)

    Related:
    No Manners In Line Is Out Of Line

    A Directionless Conversation, Part 2

    | Canada | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (We are a tourist park, and have a café which is situated just outside so that people can use it without paying to go in. The café is right next door to the entrance; you have to walk past it to come in.)

    Customer: “Is there a café here?”

    Me: “Yes, there is. It’s just next door.”

    Customer: “Where?”

    Me: “Right next door.”

    Customer: *confused* “Next door?”

    Me: “Yes, it’s the building next to this one.”

    Customer: “So, we have to go out?”

    Me: “Yes. You go out of this building, and it’s in the only other one.”

    Customer: “So, it’s out of here and next door.?”

    Me: “Yes. Go out of here, and look right. You’ll see it.”

    (The customer walks out, looking confused.)

    Coworker: “What’s the betting she’ll get lost?”

    Related:
    A Directionless Conversation

    August Themed Story Giveaway: Tourists & Travelers!

    | Not Always Right | Announcements, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel
    Want to win a Not Always Right t-shirt?
    Enter Not Always Right’s August Themed Story Giveaway:
    Tourists & Travelers!

    Entering is as easy as 1-2-3:

    1. Submit a funny or interesting story about tourist & traveler customers.
    2. Enter your email address in the form to qualify.
    3. All posted stories will be entered in a drawing to win a free t-shirt gift certificate, to use in the official Not Always Right shop!

    PS: Congratulations to a lucky reader for winning July Themed Story Giveaway, which featured stories about Wild & Unruly Customers. The winning submission: The Song Broke Loose And Then Vamoose And Now You Know The Plot (1987 thumbs up).

    PS #2: winners will be announced the first Wednesday of every month. Next free t-shirt gift certificate: Wednesday, September 4!

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