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    Category: Tourists/Travel

    Lightning Fast Sarcasm

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (I work at an outdoor log flume attraction in a theme park. We have just closed the line, and are not letting anyone else in due to there being lightning nearby.)

    Guest: “Do you know when the ride will open again? When can I come back?”

    Me: “The best answer I can give you is whenever the storm passes.”

    Guest: “And when will that be?”

    Me: “…ma’am, I don’t know. It’s a storm.”

    Guest: “Well, you live here! You should know how long the storms in Orlando last!”

    Me: “Well, we had a storm yesterday that lasted ten minutes, and one the day before that lasted three hours, so I’d say come back between ten minutes and three hours.”

    Guest: *sarcastically* “Thanks for the help!” *storms off*

    Totally Estúpido

    , | Barcelona, Spain | Language & Words, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (I am in a very popular burger chain restaurant in Barcelona. I have placed my order with the very helpful assistant, and am waiting for my food. The next two customers are large British men in their 50s. I am British, but speak reasonable Spanish.)

    Customer: *in a broad North Yorkshire accent* “I want a large burger, a large fries, and a large Diet Coke.”

    (The girl behind the counter, who doesn’t speak English, looks blank and then says in Spanish that she doesn’t understand.)

    Customer: *speaking loudly and enunciating each word slowly* “I want a LARGE BURGER, a LARGE FRIES and a LARGE DIET COKE!”

    (The server is now looking distressed and uncomfortable, so I take pity on her, and tell her what the customer has ordered in Spanish. She thanks me profusely and places the order. The first customer shakes his head in disgust and turns to me.)

    Customer: “Thanks, love. These f****** foreigners, eh? They don’t speak the language.”

    Me: “Wow.”

    No Vocation For Location, Part 6

    | Israel | Extra Stupid, Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (I am a South African, working at a hotel restaurant in Israel. The establishment has both servers and guests from all over the world. Generally people are interested in finding out where people are from and why they’re here. One day I am clearing a table for an American couple.)

    Me: “Shalom! I hope you enjoyed your meal. May I take your plates?”

    Husband: “Yes, please. It was great.”

    Wife: “Hey, you sound weird. Where are you from?”

    Me: “I’m from South Africa.”

    Wife: “Really?! South Africa… where is that?”

    Me: “Err…”

    Husband: *embarrassed* “Honey, it’s in Africa. If you look at a map, it’s right down at the bottom.”

    Wife: “Oh…” *blank look* “Oh! Kangaroos, right?”

    Husband: “Err…” *looks at me apologetically*

    Me: *just smiles* “I hope you enjoy the rest of your stay!”

    Related:
    No Vocation For Location, Part 5
    No Vocation For Location, Part 4

    Visiting The 51st State

    | UK | Money, Theme Of The Month, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (I’m the cashier at a small grocery store. An American customer approaches my till with a pint of milk.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, can I get this milk cheaper? It’s cheaper in America.”

    Me: “Uhh, sorry. We can’t change the prices for something like that.”

    Customer: “Why not? I’m not paying that much for milk. Everything is way too expensive over here!”

    Me: “If we changed the prices for everyone simply because they thought it would be too expensive, then we’d probably not stay in business very long!”

    Customer: *sighs* “FINE.”

    (She slams the milk jug down on the till, and I finish the transaction.)

    Me: “Okay, that’s £1.89 please.”

    (The customer sighs dramatically again, and hands me a $10 bill. I stare at it.)

    Customer: “What?”

    (I am thinking she hasn’t realized what she’s given to me. By this point there are a few customers queuing at my checkout.)

    Me: “It’s one pound, and 89 pence.”

    Customer: “So?”

    Me: “We can’t accept dollars here.”

    Customer: “WHY NOT?”

    Me: “We don’t accept foreign currency. Just pounds.”

    Customer: “I’M NOT FOREIGN; I’M AMERICAN! THIS IS A DISGRACE!”

    (She ends up leaving the milk, and storming out of the store. Half of the customers in my line can’t help but laugh out loud after she leaves.)

    A Welsh of Knowledge, Part 2

    | Wales, UK | Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    Tourist: “Oh, nice! This is a bona fide English castle!”

    Me: “Actually, sir, it’s not. Wales is not part of England.”

    Tourist: “What? Oh, come on! You both drive on the wrong side of the road; it’s the same! Your capital is London.”

    Me: “Er, no, sir. It’s Cardiff.”

    Tourist: “Well, but Wales is just a state of England, like Philadelphia in the States.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but England doesn’t have states; it has counties, and Wales is not one of them. We have our own counties. Moreover sir, Philadelphia is a city, not a state.”

    Tourist: “Don’t embarrass yourself, kid. You don’t even know about England even though you’re English, so please don’t bring up America; leave it to us.”

    Me: “No, sir, I’m not English. I’m Welsh; not quite the same. And Philadelphia is still not a state anyway.”

    Tourist: “I’m American! I know what I’m talking about!”

    (One of the tourists friends comes over.)

    Tourist’s Friend: “I’m sorry for his behavior; you must think all ‘Yanks’ are ignorant.”

    Me: “No, not at all. Most ‘Yanks’ that come here are actually very polite and knowledgeable, and they really like Wales.”

    Tourist: “You mean England!”

    A Welsh Of Knowledge

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