(A customer comes to my window and I help him get his entry and equipment rentals. I also give him a coupon for his next visit.)

Me: “Here is a coupon for $5 off your next visit.”

(The customer starts to scratch the coupon.)

Customer: “What’s it do?”

Me: “Sir, it’s not scratch and sniff. It gets you $5 off you next visit.”

(He scratches the coupon with more force, then smells it.)

Customer: “I don’t smell anything. What’s it do?”

Me: “It’s a $5 off coupon for your next visit.”

(The customer scratches the coupon some more.)

Customer: “Ugh! I don’t understand. I scratch it and it doesn’t smell like anything. What does it do?!”

Me: “The next time you come back, you bring this with you and you save $5 on your entry.”

Customer: “Oh, so it doesn’t smell like anything?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “And I save $5 on my next visit?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Oh, I’m from out of state, so, no thank you!”

Customer: “I would like to schedule a Grand Canyon white water rafting and whale watching trip, please.”

Me: “So you’d like a tour to go to the Grand Canyon and then a tour to the ocean for whale watching?”

Customer: “No, I want to see the whales at the Grand Canyon!”

Customer: “Hi! My friends are coming in from America. Is there any chance I can meet them at their baggage claim?”

Me: “I’m sorry. Unfortunately, you aren’t allowed to go through the gates at international arrivals. You’ll just have to meet them there.”

Customer: “Oh, that sucks. Never mind.”

(The customer begins to leave and suddenly turns back.)

Customer: “Oh, wait! I’ve got another question.”

Me: “Sure.”

Customer: “What country am I in?”

(My customer asks me for a map and says he is going to be heading over to Newfoundland. I give him a map and point it out for him.)

Customer: “Why do you spell it ‘Newfoundland’? It’s New Finland.”

Me: “Well, its pronounced sort of like New Finland, but it’s actually Newfoundland, as in ‘this is a New Found Land.’”

Customer: “No, it’s New Finland.”

Me: “I can guarantee you there are not many Finnish people there.”

Customer: “Of course not. They left 1,000 years ago!”

(I work at a tourist shop where we get Americans on a regular basis.)

Me: “Would you like to pay by credit card?”

Customer: “Yes. Do you know where I can find a Bank of America?”

Me: “Um, I’m sorry, but there isn’t any around here.”

Customer: “So you guys don’t have Bank of America.”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, this is Canada.”

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