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(I work at a museum which features a large permanent exhibit of local First Nations artefacts, living spaces, and other historical paraphernalia. Because of this, we offer free admission to First Nations patrons. I have just finished printing tickets for two First Nations women. The next woman in line is Caucasian.)
Woman: “Did they just get in for free?”
Me: “Yes.”
Woman: “Why?”
Me: “They’re First Nations. We offer free admission to those with status cards.”
Woman: “But that’s outrageous! I have to play $15, and they get in free just because they’re lazy natives?”
Me: “Ma’am—”
Woman: “It’s not our fault they spend all their money on booze and can’t afford the museum! Why should they get in for free?”
Me: “Ma’am! This museum features artefacts that were at one time stolen from the local bands. They are now put on display in exhibits of cultural history, of which the museum now makes a profit. You think we should charge the members of the culture it was stolen from to come see it?”
Woman: “Yes!”
(1,530 Thumbs Up!)Racism Comes In Many Languages
(I am standing behind a woman at a supermarket. Of the two cashiers available, one is of Asian descent and speaking in what seems to be Chinese to some customers. The other appears to be of Middle Eastern descent, whose customer is speaking very loudly and slowly.)
Woman: “Do you understand what I’m saying? I want this in a separate bag.”
Cashier: “Certainly, ma’am. I can definitely speak—”
Woman: “—it’s like they don’t even cater for English speakers! Not a proper American in sight!”
(The woman then spots me, a white guy in my late 20s.)
Woman: “You’d know what I mean! Eh?”
Me: “I’m an Australian tourist here visiting friends, et Je crois que vous ‘tes conasse raciste.”
(“I think you’re a racist b****”, in French.)
Woman: “UGH!”
(1,835 Thumbs Up!)Taking Stupidity To New Heights, Part 3
(I work on the ride with the highest height requirement in the park. I am the ‘grouper’—basically I assign the guests to where they sit for the ride, and I am the final say on whether children are tall enough.)
Me: “Hi buddy, could you come stand on this yellow square for me? Nice and tall like a soldier.”
(The child is clearly too short.)
Me: “I’m so sorry, but he is too short to ride.”
Mother: “Please let him ride! All of his other friends have ridden this.”
Me: “I’m sorry; he is too short to ride.”
Mother: “Please, I promise he’s not scared; he won’t cry on the ride.”
Me: “Ma’am, the height stick doesn’t measure courage; it measures height. Your son is too short; I’m sorry.”
Mother: “But he wants to go so badly; he’s been asking all day.”
Me: “Ma’am, your son could come flying out because he’s too short.”
Mother: “OH MY GOD, REALLY?!”
Me: “Yes, ma’am. The height requirement is a safety issue. That’s why we take it so seriously.”
Mother: “Oh, I just thought you were mean!”
Related:
Taking Stupidity To New Heights, Part 2
Taking Stupidity To New Heights
(1,859 Thumbs Up!)No Upside-Down But My Head Is Still Spinning
(I work at a special effects show, which is experienced in the form of a walking tour. Our park maps don’t even begin to explain this, and our attraction isn’t a staple of the park, so most people have no idea what we are.)
Guest #1: “What is this?”
Me: “We’re a special effects show, experienced in the form of a walking, guided tour.”
Guest #1: “But what is it?”
Me: “It’s a show, like a stage show, only you’re walking through different rooms and it’s happening around you.”
Guest #1: “So, what is it?”
Me: “It’s… it’s a show. You’re walking through the building here, and each room is a different scene you experience. Your tour guide is performing around you.”
Guest #1’s Husband: *approaching* “What’s this?”
Guest #1: “I don’t know!”
(Another guest approaches.)
Guest #2: “Is this a roller coaster?”
Me: “I’m afraid not. We’re a special effects show, only you walk through in the form of a tour.”
Guest #2: “Oh, walking? So does it go upside-down?”
Me: “…no. It’s all walking.”
Guest #2: “So what’s that?”
(The guest points to a nearby themed restaurant, which looks like a mountain on the outside.)
Me: “That’s a restaurant.”
Guest #2: “Does it go upside-down?”
Me: “…No.”
(1,550 Thumbs Up!)A Child Who Knows How To Conduct Himself
(I am 12 years old. I am taking the train with my eight-year-old brother. After waiting for the conductor for about an hour without having paid, I get up and look for him. I find him somewhere down the train.)
Me: “My little brother and I have been riding this train for one hour without paying, and will soon arrive our destination.”
Conductor: “Okay, just find your seat again. I’ll be right there with you.”
(After about 10 minutes, he’s back with us. He takes a seat beside us, leans in, and starts talking.)
Conductor: “I’ve worked this train every day for 20 years. Every day I see kids your age trying to find ways to ride for free. So when you approached me, honest about wanting to pay for yourselves when I had forgotten, you made my day! I have decided to let you ride for free. You should keep the money. Tell your parents that it is yours now, because they raised you to be such honest and good kids, and buy yourselves something nice.”
(3,236 Thumbs Up!)
Not Always Romantic
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Not Always Working
Not Always Learning