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  • Category: Tourists/Travel

    Tourists From The Land Of Irony

    | Wales, UK | Crazy Requests, Tourists/Travel

    (Wales is currently enjoying a heat wave; temperatures in our popular beach resort have averaged about 28°C (about 82°F) for nearly a fortnight and the town and beach are completely packed out with holidaymakers and day-trippers.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to complain.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that; what’s the problem?”

    Customer: “There’s too many tourists.”

    Me: “Oh, well you can blame Mr. Sunshine for that; it’s been packed to capacity here since the schools broke up for summer. Everyone wants a splash in the sea!”

    Customer: “Yeah, I know. I mean, that’s why we came. We drove down for the day from [Major Midland City]. We just didn’t think it would be busy.”

    Me: “You didn’t think the first Saturday of the school holidays that is also the hottest day of the year so far for Wales would cause [Town] to become busy?”

    Customer: “Well… no.”

    Me: “I’m sorry you aren’t happy but there isn’t a lot I can do from here.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s not fair. I’ve spent £40 filling my car with petrol and had to sit in queues of traffic. I want an empty beach!”

    Me: “Well, there’s quieter beaches than [Town]. Since you have a car maybe you could drive to [Nearby Beach] or [Other Nearby Beach]. Those are accessed over sand dunes so a lot of people don’t go there.”

    Customer: “So now you’re telling me I’ve wasted £3.50 on an all-day parking ticket?”

    Me: “Well, if you want to stay in [Town] then you can. If you want to go to a quieter beach and come back to [Town] for food then your ticket will still be valid.”

    Customer: “Hrrmph. I suppose so. I wish you wouldn’t let tourists here though. It spoils it.”

    The Last Trip He Takes You On

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Bizarre, Liars & Scammers, Tourists/Travel

    (We have a ‘regular’ customer who only calls at night, and only speaks with young sounding, female representatives.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Travel Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: *sounding stuffed up throughout the call* “Yes, I need to book a trip from Chicago to Detroit for [date that is always two weeks away from date he calls].”

    Me: “Great, and how many will be traveling?”

    Caller: “Just me.”

    (I check for age and military discounts when all of a sudden, he sneezes.)

    Me: “Bless you. Now did you have a time of day in mind?”

    Caller: “Oh, thank you. My cat just came in the room. I am allergic. Could you read me the time you have at the lowest prices?”

    (The call goes almost normally accept for these ‘allergy’ interruptions, which involve opening the window, dusting, going in the attic, and so on. He gives the name of John Sneed for the reservation and we get to the credit card payment. He gives 8 of the 16 digits, and then hangs up. After having this happen twice, I ask around and confirm he is not a legitimate customer. A jewel of information is given to me, so I’m prepared the next time he calls.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Travel Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: *sounding stuffed up* “Yes, I need to book a trip from Chicago to Detroit for [date that is two weeks away].”

    Me: “Wonderful! How many will be traveling this time, Mr. [Caller´s Real Last Name]?”

    Caller: *hangs up*

    Different Cast, Same Script

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (When vacationing at this company’s theme parks, I am often asked questions as if I work there, even though I don’t dress or look like their typical employees. It may be just because I plan ahead and look like I know where I’m going. I am walking with my two sons, both of whom are under ten years old. Two 20-something guests approach:)

    Guest #1: “Excuse me, which direction does the parade come from?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t know. I’m not a cast member.”

    Guest #1: “Huh? Then what do you do?”

    Me: “What?”

    Guest #2: “What DO you do for [Theme Park Company]?”

    (First and only time I’ve said ‘I’m not a Theme Park cast member,’ yet the guests still thought I MUST still work for the company!)

    Giving You A Cold Reception

    | OH, USA | Crazy Requests, Tourists/Travel

    (I’m working in a 19th century mansion that has been turned into a museum. It’s late autumn and the house already gets very cold inside. I’m ringing up a couple for a tour.)

    Customer: “Aren’t they ever opening this house for Christmas again?”

    Me: “Well, it’s very difficult to hea—”

    Customer: “Yes, they said something about it being hard to heat. I wouldn’t think you’d need much heat just for a tour!”

    Me: “Oh, you might feel differently in December. But I also think the guides might revolt over being kept in a 50-degree house all day.”

    Customer: “You’re all just lazy!” *walks away*

    Extreme Jumping To Conclusions

    | The Netherlands | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

    (As an airline employee, you are eligible for staff travel. The airline I work for has the rule that you can only travel if there is a seat available at the gate. We are in Spain, and we already know that the flight is pretty full. We also know that the aircraft is a Boeing 747, and on such a short flight (a little over two hours) there is the minimum required crew on board, so there are multiple jump seats (flight attendant seats) empty. The colleagues decide to take us home on a jump seat. We are moved to different jump seats during the flight, because we are in the way in the pantry and in the aisles during the dinner and beverage service. The passengers see us walking through the aisle with our belongings several times.)

    Passenger: “Hey… what is going on? Are they moving you again?”

    Me: *joking* “Yeah, they have just found out they don’t have a seat for us after all, so they are now taking us to the back to give us a parachute…”

    Passenger: *shocked* “Oh, my God! Are you serious? That is terrible!”

    (We sit down in the back pantry and have a good laugh with the colleagues.)

    Me: “Did she think I was serious? If so, she is pretty gullible!”

    (After landing, we see the concerned passenger at baggage reclaim. She comes up to me, all cheerful and happy.)

    Passenger: “Oh, how wonderful! You made it to Amsterdam! They let you stay on board after all!”

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