Category: Top

Casting The First Stone Cold Glare

| Anaheim, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Religion, Top

(I am visiting two good Jewish friends. They are gay men and engaged. We’re at a coffee shop for breakfast.)

Friend #1: *holding Friend #2’s hand* “Hey [Friend #2], what do you want?”

Friend #2: “[Store Brand Drink], babe.”

Customer #1: *spies them holding hands* “You should be ashamed of acting like that in public! There are children and God-fearing people in here! Couple of sick f**s…”

Friend #1: “We’re not f**s. We’re gay. Last time I checked, we’re not cigarettes or bundles of twigs.”

Customer #1: “You’re going to Hell for being a couple of sinners! You’re going to burn!”

Friend #2: “So what are you drinking, [My Name]?”

Me: “[Store Brand Drink], please!”

Friend #2: *to Customer #1* “What about you, mister? What are you drinking?”

Customer #1: *splutters* “I am not accepting charity from some dirty, sick homosexual!”

Friend #1: “If your Jesus was brave enough to dine with prostitutes, the least you could do is accept our ‘charity.'”

Customer #1: “F*** you!”

Friend #1 & #2: *deadpan* “No, thanks. You’re not my type.”

Customer #1: *screams* “This whole place is going to Hell!” *storms out*

Customer #2: *starts clapping* “That… was… AWESOME! Please, let me pay for your order!”

Me: “Nah, thanks. I’ll get it for them.”

Manager: “No, you won’t. This order is on the house!”

A Lot Of Hot Air Over Very Little Gas

| OH, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money, Top, Transportation

(When customers pre-pay for gas with a credit card, but their vehicle won’t take as much as they’ve put on it, the system automatically refunds the remaining portion onto the card that was used. This conversation takes place near the end of a 10-hour shift.)

Customer: *in a not-so-nice tone* “I sent a kid in here earlier to get gas and he only pumped $17, but I was charged for $25. Why was I over-charged?”

Me: *looks at his receipt* “Oh, well, it looks like they pre-paid for gas and it was charged to a credit card. The remaining portion would have been automatically refunded to your card.”

Customer: “I need a receipt showing that it refunded.”

Me: “I am so sorry, sir, but I can only print receipts for the past 10 transactions, and it looks like the kid you sent in got gas well over two hours ago. There isn’t a way for me to pull it up.”

Customer: “Well how the h*** am I supposed to know that it refunded? How do I know you didn’t steal my money?”

Me: “As soon as the nozzle on the pump is hung back up, it refunds automatically. You could actually call your credit company right now, and it would show that the balance is there.”

Customer: “No! I will not call them! I want you to show me proof right now that you didn’t steal my money!”

Me: “As I just said, there is nothing I can do. It’s been several hours since this transaction took place, so I can’t look it up. I assure you, if you would just call…”

Customer: “I need you to write down that I only pumped $17 worth of gas and sign it so I can dispute it when it charges me $25 on my bill!”

Me: “Sir, I have no idea how much gas you pumped, so I will not sign anything saying you only pumped $17. Furthermore, you’ve been yelling at me for over three minutes during a very busy time and I’m the only person here to ring out the 12 people behind you. I’ve told you that all you have to do is call the number on the back of the card to verify that you were only charged for what you pumped, and yet you’re still unsatisfied. The only other thing I can offer is that you call our customer service center and file a complaint. The number, and our store number are posted right beside you, and my name is on your receipt from earlier.”

Customer: *shoves a pen and his receipt in my face* “I’m not leaving until you write a statement about my gas and sign it!”

Me: “If you don’t leave, I will call the police to escort you from the premise.”

(Just then, one of our regulars, who is a police officer and in uniform, walks in. I sigh in relief, but the customer doesn’t notice.)

Customer: “You WILL write down that I only pumped $17. I’m not going anywhere!”

Me: “Hey, [Officer], could you do me a favor?”

Officer: “That depends… What is it?”

(The customer looks over at the officer, back at me, and scrambles out the door.)

Me: “Never mind; he left on his own.”

An Off-Color Purchase

| Dedham, MA, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

(I work in the beer and wine department of a large supermarket chain. A very elderly customer comes in a couple times a month and asks us to give him two different white wines, six bottles of each. This day, he approaches me.)

Customer: “Could you help me? I want two red wines, six bottles of each.”

Me: “What do you typically like?”

Customer: “I don’t care. What do you think I’ll like?”

(I suggest a couple wines, he takes them without complaint.)

Customer: “You know, for ten years I’ve been drinking nothing but white wine, because I didn’t want to spill it and stain the carpet. But you know what I realized? F*** it!”

Children Can Man-age To Listen

, | NH, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Top

(I’m a female-to-male transgender person who is not on hormones yet; despite this, I don’t have much of a problem with pronoun mistakes. The customer I have is a middle-aged woman and her young son, about six or seven.)

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. How are you today?”

Woman: “I’m good.” *to her son* “Tell the lady what you want!”

Son: “Momma, that’s a man.”

Woman: “Shhh! Don’t say that! You’ll make her feel bad.”

Me: “Actually, he’s right. I am a boy.”

Woman: *ignoring me* “I can see why you’re confused, though.” *to me* “You need to start wearing makeup or something. My son is getting confused!”

Me: “Ma’am, your son is correct.”

Woman: *still ignoring what I’m saying* “And would it kill you to grow your hair out? Everyone’s going to think that you’re a lesbian!”

Me: *getting fed up* “Ma’am. I. Am. A. Man.”

Woman: “Why didn’t you say so?”

Son: “He did. You didn’t listen, mommy.”

Me: “Look, it’s not really a big deal. It happens all the time—”

Woman: “Then grow some facial hair or something! I can’t tell what you are!”

Me: “Um…”

Son: “Mommy, stop being stupid!”

(The son said his order and they checked out. The woman was completely silent after the son’s comment and she booked it out of the store.)

The Collapse Of Human Decency

, | MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Top

(I work in the fuel kiosk at a popular chain grocery store. There is only one person in the kiosk at a time, unless cash office people are counting the safe money. I have not been feeling well, but come into work anyways.)

Cash Office Worker: “Could you shut the safe for me?”

Me: “Sure.” *notice a customer at the window and stand* “Hi, how can I—”

(Suddenly I get very dizzy and pass out, hitting my head on the concrete floor. When I come to, my coworker is standing over me.)

Cash Office Worker: “The manager is on his way, and an ambulance. Don’t try to sit up yet. Are you cold? Do you hurt anywhere?”

Customer: “ISN’T ANYONE GOING TO F****** HELP ME?!”

Cash Office Worker: “He’s been yelling for about two minutes now, even though he saw you pass out.”

(The manager comes running into the kiosk.)

Manager: “Is she okay? The ambulance is almost here. I heard the sirens.”

Me: “I’m okay but I think my head is bleeding.”

Customer: “ARE YOU THE MANAGER? GET YOUR LAZY-A** EMPLOYEES TO DO THEIR F****** JOBS!”

Manager: “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

(The customer not only stood there and yelled the entire time, but later filed a complaint against me!)

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